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Proof of Hell's Existence?

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    Proof of Hell's Existence?

    Brazil(AP)

    Scientists and theologians around the world have been thrown into turmoil when an oil rig off the coast of Brazil drilled down into what appears to be the traditional Judeo-Christian afterlife. At approximately 12 noon, September 25, the rig drilled into what was initially thought to be an air pocket but was soon discoverd to be much bigger, as flames of such intensity that they continued to burn in open water came roaring out of the tunnel.

    Workers on the scene claimed to have heard screams of agony and profanities in at least twelve different languages, and some claimed to have seen batwinged humanoid figures emerging from the ocean above the drilling site.

    On September 27th, South American scientists sent an unmanned submersible vehicle equpped with a camera into the area, but instead of the flames reported during the initial incident the pictures revealed a frozen, icy abyss.



    Although an audio recorder attached to the USV did record agonized begging and enraged cursing in what Brazilian linguistics experts have identified as English, Spanish, Hebrew, Latin, Greek, Sumerian, German, and Esperanto.

    Potential ramifications of this discovery, and why such a dramatic change occurred between Thursday and Saturday, are still being debated by experts, with plans to send a manned expedition into the area to gather information being vetoed by the Brazilian Navy, because, according to a naval media liasion "You ever see that movie with Morpheus in space, my fren? Is no good can come of us running around down there."

    In probably unrelated news, Rodrigo Medeiros blackbelt and UFC veteran Tim Credeur promoted me to purple belt Saturday, September 27, 2011, pictoral evidence is up on my profile picture.


    #2
    Congrats, Vince!

    But I don't think this is going to be enough to settle the on-off theological debate. In the end, it's just a purple colored cloth belt to hold your gi closed; no divine intervention or intelligent design necessary to explain it.

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      #3
      On one hand, it could be said that is truly proof the beneficient hand of the Lord Himself that I somehow was able to become a purple belt.

      On the other hand, it could be said that if a beneficent Creator existed, he would never allow Brazilian Jiu Jitsu to suffer the shame of me being a purple belt.

      Glass half full, half empty, six, half dozen, po-TAY-to, po-TAH-toe...

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        #4
        I think I still remember your Blue Belt story (Royce gave it to you at seminar a couple of years ago yeah?).

        In any regard, congrats mate.

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          #5
          Now, if Helio returned from the grave to hand out purple belts...

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            #6
            Originally posted by ADM View Post
            I think I still remember your Blue Belt story (Royce gave it to you at seminar a couple of years ago yeah?).

            In any regard, congrats mate.
            That was indeed me. Coach Credeur told everyone that story when he called me up to get my new belt.

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              #7
              Damnit, they opened it up? Now I'm going to have to fight the Devil (Kimura) for a 1,000 years culminating in a great Battle at the ruins of Denver. It happens to be the site of New Jerusalem.

              Oh yeah, congrats about the Barney colored cloth strip.

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                #8
                Kimura is the Devil you say?
                Whenever he speaks to me in the academy, he always sounds like Nick Diaz.
                ("Don't take no crap off that white belt, homie! Heel hook that punk! 209! 209!") but then again he (it?) is supposed to be the Father of Lies.

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                  #9
                  Congrats Vince!!....I agree, Hell has truly frozen over........lulz

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                    #10
                    Aww, our resident redneck LEO catch-wrestler done earned hisself a purple belt.

                    There goes the neighborhood.













                    Congratulations Vince!
                    Shut the hell up and train.

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                      #11
                      It really does feel strange.
                      Back in the day, me and my brother would load up the truck and take a four hour drive because we were going to work out with a Tae Kwon Do instructor who was having a special class to teach an armlock he learned from his brother in law from Alabama, who learned it when he stopped on the side of the road in Oklahoma and helped a guy who turned out to be a BJJ three stripe white belt change a flat tire.
                      And now I'm a purple belt.

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                        #12
                        Now you get to find out how little you know. Congrats!

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                          #13
                          I personally subscribe to theological hypothesis that Hell was operating as normal until April 26, 1994 - the day that Mas Oyama died. Upon the non-Christian and thus damned karateka's arrival at the netherworld, the devil was quickly punched to death and the former torment-dimension was converted into an exceptionally large dojo.

                          Also, congratulations, Vince.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Jebus wanz u to trane ze zhoo zhitzu my fren

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Vince Tortelli View Post

                              In probably unrelated news, Rodrigo Medeiros blackbelt and UFC veteran Tim Credeur promoted me to purple belt Saturday, September 27, 2011, pictoral evidence is up on my profile picture.
                              So when do y'all learn how to read a Calendar, you big redneck hick.

                              Congrats.

                              Comment

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