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The Somerset Ninja

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    The Somerset Ninja

    This guy thinks he's a Ninja and patrols the streets of somerset ...

    He's a decent sort of chap. With loads of electrical tape.
    Xiao Ao Jiang Hu Zhi Dong Fang Bu Bai (Laughing Proud Warrior Invincible Asia) Dark Emperor of Baji!!!


    Didn't anyone ever tell him a fat man could never be a ninja
    -Gene, GODHAND

    You can't practice Judo just to win a Judo Match! You practice so that no matter what happens, you can win using Judo!
    The key to fighting two men at once is to be much tougher than both of them.
    -Daniel Tosh


      I'm not sure what's odder, a grown man lurking in the streets in ninja garb, or that he seems to be carting around his favourite ball of energy.


        Somerset is already under protection.


          Just when I think its only Americans that are out of their minds the English come along and remind us who the original nutjobs are. Better ninja costume than most I've seen. I think he needs an arch enemy thou. Do we have any bullies near somerset willing to dress up like a pirate?


            Phew! I was worried for a moment. I thought it might be one of nephews.

            Thankfully, not.


              The BBC clip makes out he is just a lone eccentric prowling the streets of Yeovil with his chi ball, but there is a whole nest of ninja that he is leading to protect the swans of this fair land.



                How to be a ninja.

                1. Dress up like a tool
                2. Wear black clothes to hide in trees during the day
                3. Go on national television with your name.


                  SO let me get this straight, the best way to ensure the civic protection is to dress like a burglar and potentially misdirect law enforcement.

                  At least American superheroes dress in obviously ridiculous garb and are typically instantly viewed as harmless by police.

                  This guy must terrify folks and might get shot on sight.
                  Last edited by W. Rabbit; 8/27/2011 10:39pm, .


                    Watching these clips I am mortified with embaresment for these ppor unfotunates


                      Great Momochi Sandayu! Not these guys again. I'm pretty sure their LARPing has been discussed before.


                        When I was just a tyke, I wanted to be a ninjer when I grew up. I even wrote about it for my 1st grade report. Then the more I got into history and realized what ninja really were, I didn't even bother trying to figure why they got confused with cool anime shit. Now seeing grown ass men who claim they do the real ninjeritis, and still think ninja were mystic guys who dressed in black it makes wonder if no one ever told them about Santa or the Easter Bunny.

                        I can see how people would blindly follow religion and ignore things like common sense, but how do all these ninjers get to this point?


                          The world would be so much more boring without ninjas in it...


                            Reading W Rabbits comment above reminded of a movie I was gonna do for my final in Comm 3 back in high school. The requirement for that class was to make videos using the equipment our AV room had, and graded on a curve based on who could figure out and utilize the most technology for their vids. I ended up doing a CGI star wars type thing instead, but me and the other guys in the class wrote out a script this ninja movie and we were gonna sell it to Hollywood and be rich. The movie Ninja Assassin fucked us over, even on the name, which will be revealed in little bit...

                            We wanted to make it with pretty much no story at all, just a bunch of crazy ninja **** for a full length movie. But since we were gonna sell it to Hollywood, we had to pretend there was a story. Anyway, so this ninja master lives on his own estate and takes in kids to train and make his own clan. There's one kid who stands out amoungst the group, but he distracted by this girl in the clan. And he actually likes her, not just wants to **** her, so, hard-ass overbearing ninja dad has her executed in the courtyard to remove tempation from our hero. He flips out and escapes after that and his ex-ninja family has him marked for death and swears to kill him and anyone who gets close to him.

                            And that's pretty much the whole story right there. The rest of the begining and the middle and up to the end is very very little dialog and a bunch of ninja doing bad-ass ninja **** with bad-ass ninja weapons we all know never existed but who cares cause the movie's frikkin bad-ass... We wanted to make sure there was the old dagger on a string though. Those things make bad-ass movie heros seem 10x more bad-ass. And we wanted to make the star thingies huge, like in Willow, when that guy threw one at Madmertigan on the wagon and the god damn thing was as big as Val Kilmers entire torso. That way when they fly they wreck **** and cut people to pieces, cause lets face it, those puny little things other ninja movies use couldn't kill someone if you hit 8 of'em at once. In the brain. And definately some ninja magics, reminscent of American Ninja, and other shadow/illusion type stuff. And gore. Horrible horrible nasty gore, the kind that makes you wish you could pause and rewind the big screen.

                            There is one more major peice to the story though, the kid gets a cat. It becomes his little ninja cat buddy and his only friend, until his ninja family kills it, and he goes ape-**** and hunts the ninja down tears up the estate and kills all of his former family in epic ninja fashion.

                            I should add here, before giving up the ending, that I wanted to bring Sho Kasugi in as the ninja master, as it's a big part of my movie being ripped off. He was my hero as a kid. The guy made all those fantastic movies I rented over and over as a kid, then I never saw him in anything else. It's like he just disappeared, and I felt the world needed him back.

                            Anyway, the climax when he finally confronts Sho, ol Sho puts an ass-whoopin on him. And while he's doing it he taunting him the time, trying to win him back to the clan and start it over. But the kid's all like "No you killed my cat you 8astard." And Sho's like "See, I trained you well, you no care that killed ol girl all those years ago." And the kid's like "Oh her? Pfft, water under the bridge man." And Sho tries to get him to join him again after that exchange and the kid lashes out catching the old man unawares...

                            Or so he thinks... Sho does some kind of cool teleporting-shadow-spinny-ninja-strike and for the first time there's no blood. The kid just smiles and says "I almost got you... Father." Then the kids head falls off, and Sho's like "Damn, he's right, I've lost a step." Then he sheaths his sward and walks into his tore down and burning house, and the scene fades into day with just 3 kids cleaning up the mess, and Sho a little bit grayer to show a couple years past by. Then he says to the kids "As soon as you finish, I'll tell you the story of the greatest ninja of our clan, and why he was a failure." Or something like that, I don't remember the exact words anymore... And then it shows a painting of the kid in his old room and his sward is set up cerimoniously with candles and ****, then the credits roll and it's left wide open for a sequal.

                            We wanted to give a rediculously redundant name, like the hook in hip-hop, so that you could take your girlfriend with you as well, cause lets be honest here, the dumb bitch don't give a **** what the words say, she'll love it as long as they get stuck in her head. We were going to go with Stealth Ninja Shadow Assassin. But, since it was too long, we shortened it to Ninja Assassin.

                            The coincidences with our movie and the one that came out were un-fucking-canny. We gave up on the movie years before, and when we heard Ninja Assassin was comming to theaters we were in shock. Then after seeing it, specially once we realized that was Sho Kasugi we flipped out.

                            Our version would've been better, but still, the world is a better place for having that movie. Ninja's fucking rule. And sorry about the length, I was geekin out and couldn't stop myself.
                            Last edited by Super8astard; 8/29/2011 2:52am, .


                              I would like to point out that this is Somerset where virtualy everyone has a gun. As fox hunting is banned it wont be long before the new sport of 'ninjer hunt' becomes wide spread. That would be a good BBC news report.



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