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    The ballad of Steven Seagal thread

    THE BALLAD OF STEVEN SEAGAL THREAD.

    Ok, before starting...we need some groundrules. This thread is for haikus, and not shit else. If you have something to say, say it with this structure.


    5 syllables
    7 syllables
    5 syllables


    If you want to comment on another posters haiku, or mock how craptastic the entire thread concept is...your comment should also be a haiku....like this:

    5 syllables
    7 syllables
    5 syllables
    5 syllables
    7 syllables
    5 syllables

    It's going to be a challenge to contain mean things about the walking cautionary tale that is Seagalilama (or my thread) to 17 syllables, but you can multi-verse it, and you'll be fine...except your dwelling on Steven Seagal haikus, so you're obviously pretty fuckin far from fine.

    I have a daytime gig today (Sun), and when I get back (drunk), there should be some fine storytelling, honoring this man who resembles old fat Elvis in appearance only (without all that genius baggage).


    I'm going to start it off. It's actually a story....a ninja story.


    Ideally, even the setting text for this script, would be in haiku form. I'll go first. (in a new post)

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    This is a s3rious bisnaz alert. Do not adjust your int3rnets.

    The council for int3rnets sanity, along with the auxiliary women's e-ethics and i-accountability commission have deemed this thread to be offensive to...pretty much everything.


    Dr. Tool P.P. Bendingstaff of the transnational directorate of counter-trolling has rated this thread DRUNK.

    DRUNK
    "I think it's safe to eat, there's no blue on it yet"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Addendum: [Scene] does not count as a syllable. But that's it.
    You can kill or maim him, but it's magic rules, so he can heal from pretty much anything. If he dies, you can bring him back as whatever, and wherever/whenever and continue. It's going to end up with ninjas somehow...I can feel it.


    Last edited by bobyclumsyninja; 8/21/2011 2:06am, .
    sigpic

    #2
    I'll be dropping photoshops of some of the action, as the thread heats up, so ya know. I'll have to keep it SFW though. New Rulez.

    [Scene]
    Fat hand wobbles first
    Following fat hand cam pans
    Street is poorly lit

    You can see mic yes
    Clearly in picture and yet
    Sound is still sketchy
    [/scene]
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Brought up by penguins
    Taught to fry, and bake, and purge
    At a tender age

    Now assassin smiles
    These jowls have eaten more steak
    Than ten cows could give

    Hero "Cletus Fire"
    Waddles and stifles a fart
    it's business time now


    Last edited by bobyclumsyninja; 8/21/2011 1:42am, .
    sigpic

    Comment


      #3
      Our hero enters
      Out of breath from walking here
      Ghetto thugs abound

      No threat does he feel
      Aikido gives confidence
      But not skill sadly

      P.S.:
      Originally posted by bobyclumsyninja
      there should be some fine prose
      Haiku is not prose
      It is poetry you fool
      Even if not good
      Click To Get My Free Training Newsletter... Do It NOW!


      "You all just got fucking owned.";
      "TaeBo_Master and GajusCaesar just scored 10,000,000 points on all you pawns."

      - The Wastrel

      Comment


        #4
        Fat man seagali
        known to these parts as cletus
        seeks pen0r steroids

        Straight to video
        is not why this man's roadbound
        aikido is boss

        His feet perform feats
        As does his belt yet even so
        reinforced pants groan
        sigpic

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by TaeBo_Master View Post
          Haiku is not prose
          It is poetry you fool
          Even if not good
          You should have waited
          I can even more edit
          History is dead
          sigpic

          Comment


            #6
            Fuck me I'm hungry
            I really want a sandwich
            Fiona Apple
            Originally posted by Judoka_UK
            Judo is the PC to Sambo's Mac.

            Comment


              #7
              A brotha jay-walks
              Faster than Cletus can run
              Or unleash front kick.

              Cletus sings the blues
              Old time, lardassed honky blues
              Cletus so black now.

              Brotha starts running
              Across the street, away from
              Crazy fat cracka.

              Comment


                #8
                Anderson Silva
                Claims this man as his sensei
                Learn your place you fool

                Aikido r0x0rz
                Self defense is for realz yo
                Front kick FTW
                Click To Get My Free Training Newsletter... Do It NOW!


                "You all just got fucking owned.";
                "TaeBo_Master and GajusCaesar just scored 10,000,000 points on all you pawns."

                - The Wastrel

                Comment


                  #9
                  Come, sing Zydeco!
                  Cletus be Cajun. He say
                  “Who dat?” when I call.

                  Three Chin Kingpin
                  shoots some damn sketchy hustlers.
                  He is Big Easy.

                  Magic pants gently
                  flow in perfumed winds amid
                  copious bullshit.
                  Originally posted by Snake Plissken
                  cuz FastPass on Indiana Jones was like being a ghetto rock star.
                  Originally posted by Kiko
                  But graffiti isn't a bowl of fruit...
                  Originally posted by Robstafarian
                  Merely insulting you is not an ad hominem fallacy: them calling you an idiot would be ad hominem if they said "You are an idiot, therefore your argument is invalid."

                  What is instead happening is thus:
                  1. Your argument is bullshit.
                  2. You keep repeating, and expanding upon, your argument.
                  3. Therefore, you are an idiot.

                  That isn't an ad hominem fallacy; that's inductive reasoning.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Good acting is not
                    Everything, just ask Seagal
                    and Jean Claude Van Damme

                    Ballet, Aikido
                    And other types of dancing
                    Seem to sell movies
                    Click To Get My Free Training Newsletter... Do It NOW!


                    "You all just got fucking owned.";
                    "TaeBo_Master and GajusCaesar just scored 10,000,000 points on all you pawns."

                    - The Wastrel

                    Comment


                      #11
                      In Above The Law
                      The intro gives martial arts
                      Fakes inspiration

                      Comment


                        #12
                        In Seagal's world view
                        Eskimos look like Chinese
                        And ride horses well

                        Comment


                          #13
                          If you sub Seagal
                          for Van Damme in Blood Sport VI,
                          Chong Li would throw pork.
                          Originally posted by Sarcastro
                          He screams like a little girl as the pain ripples through his arm, shoots up into his brain, and now your dick is hard.


                          Comment


                            #14
                            Shaky stick legs bear
                            huge load; pregnant man with pone?
                            Black can't slim mountains.
                            Originally posted by Sarcastro
                            He screams like a little girl as the pain ripples through his arm, shoots up into his brain, and now your dick is hard.


                            Comment


                              #15
                              Seagal musterd chi
                              Lebell put on his jime
                              Seagal only peed

                              Comment

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