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    A Situation

    No not like that tool from Whore Beach (aka Jersey Shore if you do not know). Recently in my school there were two incidents involving women where I questioned my effectiveness in dealing with them.

    The first happened in the adult basics class. I was assisting when we began practicing how to escape when someone chokes you. I was walking around when I stopped to help this one pair (the class split into partners). Both women, one was a green belt the other a white belt. So when I saw that the white belt was doing the technique incorrectly I stepped in to help. I explained it whilst demonstrating on her partner. I then had her perform the maneuver on me to see if she got it better. Still had trouble so I again explained but instead of grabbing and chocking her partner I did it to her*. The minute I stepped forward she flipped out, broke down into tears and began crying hysterically. Now, I did not grab or choke her very hard. I did not grope her in any fashion. I merely used both hands to simulate an aggressor grabbing and attempting to choke you.

    *This may have been a mistake on my part. I've never really had any issues when dealing with beginners regarding this so I didn't see the harm in grabbing her whilst explaining how to perform it correctly.

    But back to the issue. I admit, it did freak me out a little as I have never had a woman break down on me like that. She was escorted off and class continued. After it ended I took her aside into the office along with the head instructor. I apologized if she somehow felt threatened or if I grabbed too hard. She said the reason she became so upset is that she had been attacked in that exact same way before and she has not gotten over it. For this did I handle it right? I mean obviously I had no way of knowing whether or not she had ever been abused or victimized but it really bothered me and has me wondering on how to go about teaching so as to avoid any conflict.

    Now for the second issue. This one seriously pissed me off when I found out. I had just finished my pee wee class (4 and 5 year olds) when the mother of one of my kids asked to speak with me. So I invited her in my office and asked what it was she wanted to talk about. She told me that she had been abused by her husband for some time. Now they are in the middle of a very nasty divorce and he is beginning to menace and threaten her, mostly by wanting to gain full custody and take her son away. She now wanted to know if she could take some private lessons on self defense. As she explained this my face must have registered my emotions because she looked a little taken back. I calmed down and said that while we do give private lessons I personally felt it best to run it by the head master considering her unique situation. I didn't turn down her request, just said I would run it by him and we would keep in communication about how to go about setting it up.

    Again, this infuriated me beyond measure. I felt like going to this guy and breaking his fucking spine. So my question is again, did I handle it right? She's obviously desperate for help and trusts us enough not only to teach her son but herself as well. Now I'm sure the obvious answer is to just continue teaching her son, stay out of a divorce battle, if any abuse continues notify the police (even though she says she has done this) etc. But I can't help shake the feeling in that there was something else in how I could have handled it. Thoughts are greatly appreciated.

    #2
    I thought I told you to stop teaching ...

    Comment


      #3
      You know what? I'm bored.

      Comment


        #4
        teaching martial arts= one thing

        Teaching women self protection= another thing with its own set of circumstances.

        The twain meets somewhere but before it does you have numerous therapy issues to deal with.

        Comment


          #5
          See if you can somehow get sex from her. Sex is awesome.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Alucard619 View Post
            No not like that tool from Whore Beach (aka Jersey Shore if you do not know). Recently in my school there were two incidents involving women where I questioned my effectiveness in dealing with them.

            The first happened in the adult basics class. I was assisting when we began practicing how to escape when someone chokes you. I was walking around when I stopped to help this one pair (the class split into partners). Both women, one was a green belt the other a white belt. So when I saw that the white belt was doing the technique incorrectly I stepped in to help. I explained it whilst demonstrating on her partner. I then had her perform the maneuver on me to see if she got it better. Still had trouble so I again explained but instead of grabbing and chocking her partner I did it to her*. The minute I stepped forward she flipped out, broke down into tears and began crying hysterically. Now, I did not grab or choke her very hard. I did not grope her in any fashion. I merely used both hands to simulate an aggressor grabbing and attempting to choke you.

            *This may have been a mistake on my part. I've never really had any issues when dealing with beginners regarding this so I didn't see the harm in grabbing her whilst explaining how to perform it correctly.

            But back to the issue. I admit, it did freak me out a little as I have never had a woman break down on me like that. She was escorted off and class continued. After it ended I took her aside into the office along with the head instructor. I apologized if she somehow felt threatened or if I grabbed too hard. She said the reason she became so upset is that she had been attacked in that exact same way before and she has not gotten over it. For this did I handle it right? I mean obviously I had no way of knowing whether or not she had ever been abused or victimized but it really bothered me and has me wondering on how to go about teaching so as to avoid any conflict.

            Now for the second issue. This one seriously pissed me off when I found out. I had just finished my pee wee class (4 and 5 year olds) when the mother of one of my kids asked to speak with me. So I invited her in my office and asked what it was she wanted to talk about. She told me that she had been abused by her husband for some time. Now they are in the middle of a very nasty divorce and he is beginning to menace and threaten her, mostly by wanting to gain full custody and take her son away. She now wanted to know if she could take some private lessons on self defense. As she explained this my face must have registered my emotions because she looked a little taken back. I calmed down and said that while we do give private lessons I personally felt it best to run it by the head master considering her unique situation. I didn't turn down her request, just said I would run it by him and we would keep in communication about how to go about setting it up.

            Again, this infuriated me beyond measure. I felt like going to this guy and breaking his fucking spine. So my question is again, did I handle it right? She's obviously desperate for help and trusts us enough not only to teach her son but herself as well. Now I'm sure the obvious answer is to just continue teaching her son, stay out of a divorce battle, if any abuse continues notify the police (even though she says she has done this) etc. But I can't help shake the feeling in that there was something else in how I could have handled it. Thoughts are greatly appreciated.
            Both of these issues are things that you gotta learn yourself numbnuts. First off of course you handled the first one right I mean your pretty much just telling a fucking story, then the second one you should of just given her lessons! I mean if you were so angered by what was going on with her why not help her dumbass.....

            Comment


              #7
              Definately agree with your action re: Involving the headmaster/instructor/what-have-you. These type of situations can go from well-handled-calm-as to bat-shit-crazy-wtf??? in two seconds flat without any real warning, as you are dealing with peoples fragile emotional state. The last thing you want is ot be in any situation where you could be held responsible for anything, and you not have somebody else able to back you up/ corroborate your story

              Comment


                #8
                The first part of the story sounds like the plot from the Film "red belt" The woman needs theraphy before she can learn to defend herself. You can teach her all the techniques in the world but they will be no use if she just spazzes out as soon as a guy grabs her.

                Secondly how do you intend to teach the woman (the one who's going through the divorce) how to properly defend herself in such a short period of time against someone who id assume to be a larger, stronger opponent who has no problem battering her already?

                What would breaking his spine achieve? Apart from jail time for you.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by adskibullus View Post
                  What would breaking his spine achieve? Apart from jail time for you.
                  Stories of Alucard beating inmates and being 1337 pr1s0n f1ght3r.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Oh boy. Abused woman needs to defend herself, and you refer her to your TKD master, this can only end well.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by fourTwenty View Post
                      See if you can somehow get sex from her. Sex is awesome.
                      Oh, and don't forget video.

                      Either of sex or spine-breaking.

                      CLICK & WATCH
                      :
                      I got BULLSHIDO ON TV!!!

                      "Bruce Lee sucks because I slammed my nuts with nunchucks trying to do that stupid shit back in the day. I still managed to have two kids. I forgive you Bruce.
                      " - by Vorpal

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Pushups for everyone in this thread.

                        ...Except for the Castlevania idiot.
                        www.childsplaycharity.org

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Situation #1, you hit a trigger on accident, and had no way of knowing. You made certain to communicate with the woman, and work out just what DID happen. Sometimes when engaging in a high-energy activity as an authority figure that people find themselves letting their guard down with, stuff that has been buried comes up. Triggers people didn't know they had suddenly rear their heads. It is quite possible that she did not expect to have such a visceral reaction.

                          Trauma can do crazy things to a person. It can make them feel out of control. If they have full-blown PTSD, it becomes a physiological as well as psychological reaction, but even then, sometimes being exposed gently to a trigger in a safe, controlled environment can actually help. They can get the feeling that they are taking themselves back, owning their emotions and reactions in a rational fashion. That's pretty tricky though, and takes a lot of one-on-one time.

                          What I'd suggest for her is that now you know she is triggery, first let her know that she didn't do anything wrong and does not need to feel ashamed. Losing control and showing weakness can really shake the confidence of a trauma survivor. Be sure to let her know that she is safe at your school, and I'd suggest not doing things like sneaking up behind her. Be sure she knows there's someone there. With someone who is still undergoing the effects of a traumatic attack, surprises are not good. While she is undergoing some form of martial training, do not put TOO much pressure on her. Don't be too overly aggressive. Healing comes in stages, and she will need to feel safe. Continuing her training, however, will give her a sense of empowerment and confidence which she sorely needs.

                          The second woman- I understand your rage. I get like that too. If you do not feel that you can contain your emotions over the situation, then yes, see if your head instructor can handle private lessons. But I'd suggest encouraging her to take them. Often in an abusive relationship, the victim gets sucked into the reality bubble of the abuser and begins to believe that it's all their fault, somehow. That they must make themselves as small and meek as possible, and never make waves.

                          Martial arts can provide a focus and a sense of inner strength. Can she be taught enough to really defend herself effectively against him soon enough? I don't know about that. Maybe not. But then again, maybe she can learn something that will save her life, or the life of her child. More than that, though, it can help her develop a feeling of confidence, and she will need all the emotional balance that she can get during this custody battle. Also, encourage her to keep a record of everything her ex says and does that is threatening, as well as when he has said it. When picking up and dropping off her child for visitations, suggest she bring along a trusted friend as a witness, should he try anything.

                          In both cases, I would suggest encouraging the women to, if they can afford it, seek counseling through a psychologist who specializes in trauma and abuse survivors, respectively.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Thanks a lot for any advice offered. Really appreciate it. The main reason I pass it over to my head instructor is I don't have experience in dealing with victimized women so I feel it's best they handle it while I learn how o. But yes, both women have been encouraged to seek therapy.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              You are a fucking moron.

                              You just put two of your "students'" VERY personal problems on an open forum (ymas no less). If you were my assistant instructor I would wear your little 16 year old ass out, then take away your position maybe even your fucking rank.

                              That is why you shouldn't be teaching.

                              Originally posted by Alucard619 View Post
                              Thanks a lot for any advice offered. Really appreciate it. The main reason I pass it over to my head instructor is I don't have experience in dealing with victimized women so I feel it's best they handle it while I learn how o. But yes, both women have been encouraged to seek therapy.

                              Comment

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