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Owned: false BS article published in the Martialist

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    Owned: false BS article published in the Martialist

    The homemade anti-knife vest
    Starts page 13: http://www.philelmore.com/subscriber...Mega_Issue.pdf
    I can quote it in full as I wrote it, so I will:
    (Red text added or reworded by Phil Elmore)
    if it is legal to do so and you are trained to use itwill be the strike. The only way to protect yourself, as I see it, from this type of attack is to be armored.

    Few citizens can afford commercial body amour but against knives, there is simply no need to fork out the heavy sums or pressboardare two large (8.5 x 11 inch or A4 or bigger hardback books. These should not be too thick; 100 pages is good. You will also need two normal paperback novels, quite thick; about 500 pages. You will need two well fitting T-shirts and four Bungee luggage cords with hooks to put everything together.

    The basic armor layout is a hardback book front and rear with the novels on the flanks guarding the ribcage (a favorite target of the assassin!).

    Firstly put one of the T-shirts on. Turn the bottom up and place the books into the turn-up. Wrap two of the luggage straps around so that they hold the books in place and tight to the body. This is very important; the vest will not be so effective if it moves about. It should look something like this:

    Put the second T-Shirt on over the first and wrap the remaining two luggage straps around. The whole setup should be tight but not restrictive. It really is as simple as that. Remember that the vest is meant to be worn under a jacket.


    (c) 2006 by Kickcatcher

    Ok, there you have it, Phil Elmore publishes unverified codswollop.
    Last edited by Osiris; 2/02/2006 4:43am, .

    #2
    Holy shit, good work Kickcatcher!

    Someone make a big read "pwnt" stamp and photoshop it onto Phil's forehead. For the kids.
    "No. Listen to me because I know what I'm talking about here." -- Hannibal

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      #3
      I dont have the words, I do have a headache now

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        #4

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          #5
          hehehehe :XXspermy: :XXspermy: :phil2:

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            #6
            I think my choice of books was inspired. I can't believe he didn't twig.

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              #7
              Congradulations Kickcatcher, I can't believe Phil didn't blink at the over the top language in that piece.

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                #8
                Yeah, it looked like a parody from the start.

                EDIT: Not to mention the pics...

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by kickcatcher
                  The basic armor layout is a hardback book front and rear with the novels on the flanks guarding the ribcage (a favorite target of the assassin!).
                  :lol: You are just too much, man. :laughing6

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                    #10
                    Holy shit...I gotta try that.
                    Once I'm done who wants to stab me???!!!

                    I'm not scared...if phil thinks it will work....I trust him!

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                      #11
                      You sir are a god of parody. This was hilarious the whole way through. Everything from the word choice to the stance in the photos was pure Phil Elmore style masturbatory paranoia speak. I think you really need to let this one build up into a regular discussion topic and/or regularly accepted truth before exposing just how tragically stupid good 'ol Phil is.

                      Once again, brilliantly done kickcatcher, you get a gold star AND a smiley face.

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                        #12
                        Phrost.....give this guy a cookie...or a bullshido t-shirt.

                        That article was pure magic! Imagine Phil's face when he sees this thread and realizes he's been had. Maybe someone should post the link on the martialist.

                        pwnd.

                        :chewy:

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                          #13
                          Words cannot explain the awesomeness of this...

                          What a fucking tool that guy is.

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                            #14
                            Well-done Kickcatcher! Like already stated, how could Phil not notice that this was a parody? I mean who is going to walk around with four books strapped to their body like seen in the picture.
                            Attached Files
                            Last edited by Olorin; 2/01/2006 10:39pm, .

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                              #15
                              Ahaha...

                              My favorite is the fact that most of the vital areas of the body are uncovered. What if the felon goes for your eyes? Or your throat? WHERE IS YOUR ANNE RICE NOW?

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