Who's been banned from pax baculum

[Firemouth]

lol haha

:dark1:

[Fluffy]

I downloaded Mr Elmore's radio interview from Pax Baculum the other day, and Phil's sweet little voice reminded me of the character "Reed" in an old (yet charming) radio skit from GTA3, which I just happen to have stumbled across a transcript of. Their voices sound earily similiar I think.



Seg 23 - Reed Tucker
(Reed speaks with a lisp. Lazlow imitates this lisp sometimes.)

Lazlow: "Alright, now joining us in the studio, we have a very special
guest, his new book 'Karate and Digestion' has been on top of
the 100 best self-help books for the past three weeks. He is the
founder of 'Now and Zen' dojo and organic food market in
Trenton, his name is Reed Tucker...welcome to Chatterbox, Reed!"

Reed: "Why thank you Lazlow, it certainly is an honour to be here
today."

Lazlow: "So tell me Reed, where did you think of the idea of combining
martial arts and organic food, I..I mean it's kinda like putting
ice-cream on pizza, both are great but they really shouldn't be
put together."

Reed: "Okay Lazlow, actually it is nothing like ice-cream with pizza,
ice-cream is milk-based as we all know, and I am lactose
intolerant, and pizza, as you may know as well is a sandwich
derivative of Italian origin, but I won't go on. Martial arts are
about discipline, and physical empowerment, not watching football
and eating junk-food. You have to explore your mind and your
digestive system, Lazlow. What you put in...also comes out."

Lazlow: "Heh...especially corn, wh..what's the story with that anyway?"

Reed: "Lazlow, I'm deadly serious now. My mentor was a 430 year old
monk, who showed me the way to enlightenment...through carrot
juice."

Lazlow: "Okay...if you have a question for Reed, we'll be taking calls in
a little bit. I think we all went through a ninja period, you
know, I had the Chinese stars, and the nunchucks....."

Reed: "...this is not a period, Lazlow!! This is the way of life! Thanks
to a strict vegen diet, I have the power of nine men. After
morning meditation and a three-bean salad, I could chop a bus in
half! Sometimes...I even frighten myself!"

Lazlow: "Heheh...no offence, but you're kind of a scrawny, pasty dude,
it...and it says on the inside cover of your book that you still
live in your parent's basement!"

Reed: "Okay, it...it's not a basement! I prefer a center for spiritual
enlightenment. In chapter 17 of my book, which I know you have
read, I address the dangers of cynicism. Lazlow, a closed mind is
like a closed fist! And karate means 'open hand!' But it might as
well mean 'open mind.' If you like wheat-grass, I think you will
really like my book."

Lazlow: "Well, I'm not a masticating cow, but I really don't enjoy
chewing damp hay, and prancing around in leggings shouting 'hi-
ya!'...."

Reed: "Okay Lazlow, I'm warning you this time...do not make me angry! It's
bad for my karma, and it will definitely be bad for your karma. I
studied the martial arts so I could stand up to bullies just like
you! And I encourage everyone listening out there on Chatterbox to
buy my book, and learn how organic food and martial arts can help
you, too!"

Lazlow: "Eh-heh...and I encourage anyone who needs a doorstop, or booster
seat to buy it as well! Let's see who's on the phones."
Reed: "Lazlow, this is your final warning...do not make me go into
my...dragon stance!!"

Lazlow: "Hehh...hello caller, you are on the air."

Caller: "Hello Reed, I bought your book, it really saved my life."

Reed: "Why thank you."

Caller: "I wanted to ask about chapter 29 - yoga, not yogurt - I just
can't give up cheese...it's sooo wonderful! I've rejected
chocolate milk and calf's butter out of my life, I've scooted
around the house with my legs in behind my head for 2 days now.
Well my husband says I look like the chick in The Exorcist. I
even put all the dairy on the top shelf in my fridge, so I
couldn't reach it with my legs in behind my legs an' all, but I
grow week and start knocking things down with a broom. What can
I do, Reed?"

Reed: "Do not fret my child, we are all weak."

Lazlow: "Heh-eh you certainly are!"

Reed: "Shut up you carnivore, why don't you go gnaw on a bone like a
gorilla Lazlow! Our ancestors didn't eat chicken wings, they lived
at one with nature and their eco-system. Existing on a diet of
nuts, berries and leafy vegetables."

Lazlow: "Heheh yes, and they threw stones at their own shadow and died
of old-age and fear at 24!"

Reed: "Lazlow...the soul is eternal. When I'm in trouble, or tempted by
those all-you-can-eat breakfast buffets with huge pans of juicy
bacon..."

Lazlow: "Can we get some bacon in here!?!"

Reed: "Hhhehh. Lazlow, I go back to basics. I start the day with a
fruity beverage, some meditation and six hours of yoga. Next I go
open up my shop 'Now and Zen,' and drink two pints of hand-pressed
potato juice."

Lazlow: "And who wants a steak after that?! Okay next caller, you are on
Chatterbox with Reed Tucker."

Caller: "Yo Reed, kung-fu movies are dope! How can I learn to beat up 10
guys at once?"

Reed: "Okay, first things first, my man. You need to stop the negative
thinking. And the best attack I've found is to just run away. That
way you instill fear in you opponent. They never know when you
might descend from the rafters...LIKE A BAT!!!"

Caller: "I don't want to hear about no tofu running away. I want to
learn how to be a ninja, kicking people's arses!"

Reed: "Actually I do cover this early on in the book, in chapter 45.
It's called 'Stir-fry your Prejudice.' You see, I once thought
like you before my master took me under his wing and taught me the
joys of soy and origami. Concentration begins in the mind, and
spreads to all the extremities of the body. You must use the
language of the body, not the tongue! And the language of the body
begins with raw, uncooked, organic vegetables. Just look at me, I
could tear a phone-book in half with my bear toes! In fact,
Lazlow, I could easily chop this desk into two half-desks!!"

Lazlow: "This desk is made of two inch thick composite wood pulp, and
has a mahogany-veneer finish, it has three draws and, knowing
this station cost a hundred dollars. In his own words Reed
Tucker is about to smash it into two half desks! Take it away
Reed!"

Reed: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have already visualized the desk in two
half desks, and now, I shall make it so! Dragon stance...HHIII-
YAA...OOOHW...OOW LAZLOW, OOH LAZLOW...I think I hurt my hand!! My...my
pinky's all bent the wrong way!"

Lazlow: <mocking> "Listen karate kid...the desk is still in one piece,
thanks for coming on the show!" </mocking>

Reed: "Okay Lazlow, mockery will get you nowhere! I think I'm gonna hit
you now!!"

Lazlow: <mocking> "Ohh...I bruise easily, don't throw any tofus or bean
curds at me!" </mocking>

Reed: "Okay very funny Lazlow, it's easy to make fun of me but it's all
the fault of the feng-shui in here, it's damn right disgraceful!"

Lazlow: <mocking> "Yes it makes you talk like this! Okay, the listener
lines are open, this is Chatterbox." </mocking>

[Kungfoolss]

I don't believe there is such a thing as a right wing libertarian. The proof being that the libertarian party does not side with either the Republican or the democratic party, thus they almost never win elections featuring their candidates.

[RoninPimp]

You need to google "libertarianism".

[bushi_no_ki]

So in other words, Phil Elmore is a Right wing extremist without the religious beliefs?

Anyway, I didn't even have the chance to get banned. I decided to use one of my other SNs, gay_karateka, and the admin never even let me sign up. He is a fascist bigot.

[RoninPimp]

lol @ a "Right Wing Libertarian"

[Olorin]

I encourage everyone to do a bit of research on fascism, you'll come to realize that Phil actually embodies this demented philosophy.

[judoguy]

I am not banned. I've only posted three times, and all three times were in off topic subjects. I do not plan on posting again. However, I still check PB every couple days or so almost solely because of Dan Webre. If you have not read this guy's maniacal rantings, you are cheating yourself of quality entertainment. Webre is a raving lunatic. He makes Phil look pretty normal and mundane in comparison.

Is that the guy with "Zombie" on his avatar?

Damn, this thread suddenly got popular while I was away!

[Kungfoolss]

Now that he's embraced self delusion and basically even denied poached sheh from WC, in his own words, I'm pretty much giving up on him.

The thing is, I even agree with him about a lot of second amendment stuff, combative mindset type things, but he's just . . . silly. Like his thread about bullying a waiter, or his threads about teh homeless menace.

Bullying a waiter? Isn't strange how he only goes around "intimidating" folks he knows won't touch him. Sad.

[Cassius]

I love you guys.

:flipando:

No PDA please.

[Bugeisha]

Those type of threads are what's getting me in trouble there. I've pointed out that even though I agree with a lot of the ideas he spouts in principle, his execution of them is more akin to a schoolyard bully than a self-confident, assertive, grown adult.

I think I'm done there anyway.
I wasn't banned, but I don't know what it's called when you're driven away by sheer bullshit and stupidity.

Of course, Phil's guys would say the same thing about this site. The difference is that they'd be wrong.
The people here may jump on your ass and beat the hell out of you, and they may not be the most courteous while they do it, but by and large they're open to being convinced by well thought-out arguments backed with examples and sources. That's why I love you guys. :zlove:

[JohnnyCache]

Now that he's embraced self delusion and basically even denied poached sheh from WC, in his own words, I'm pretty much giving up on him.

The thing is, I even agree with him about a lot of second amendment stuff, combative mindset type things, but he's just . . . silly. Like his thread about bullying a waiter, or his threads about teh homeless menace.

[Kungfoolss]

Angry Spastic, I have felt that way too at times. Some times, I feel sorry for Phil, I mean it is really quite sad when you think about it. He combines insecurity for his own safety with arrogance in his own mental abilities.

Don't you mean menial abilities?

I encourage everyone to do a bit of research on fascism, you'll come to realize that phil actually embodies this demented philosophy.

[Kungfoolss]

The part that I find ironic is that Phil is resorting to personal attacks rather than dealing with the questions I'm asking. This coming from the guy who's motto is that an idea should be judged based on its own merits rather than on the person who proposed it.

What did you expect from a fascist?

[Meex]

31 c isn't real cold. It's like, 87. Mr. Not A Southerner :gwbdance:

Damn. . .I almost had her reeled in, yo'
she was feeling sorry for me. . .
she couldn't believe anyone could be so stupid. . .
it was working really well,
but, now you blew it for me. . .
:icon_cry:
`~/


You must pay! I will haunt you after I die!