Looking for ex Jung SuWon / Tae Yun Kim students (Part 4)

[Kathy Kim]

August 29th....hummmm something happened on that date....guess I forgot...maybe it will come to me. and I mean something besides the Martyrdom of St John the Baptist

[Failed Student]

I don't know about Aug 29 or John's situation, but I find it interesting that TYK et al are pictured on the Order of Constantine website and in some Asian publication for their big July 9 event, but despite all the promises, no pictures are shown of it on the JSW website.

[Kathy Kim]

If my memory serves me right, tyk & spence were wed by the justice of the peace. shs and myself were witnesses to that dishonorable union. 20 years ago....wow it seems like a lifetime ago.

[Failed Student]

If my memory serves me right, tyk & spence were wed by the justice of the peace. shs and myself were witnesses to that dishonorable union. 20 years ago....wow it seems like a lifetime ago.

That was a valiant effort on TYK's part to get her hands on SE's and his family's assets. I am glad he came to his senses after 3 months of unholy matrimony and got it annulled.

[Kathy Kim]

I never told his Father till October, the truth about tyk. He didn't get to tell spence till Christmas time. Spence was on his training schedule. As soon as he saw what I said was the truth......he left her. She got caught up in her own lies. I hear she tried to say his parents broke them up. But in fact, her lies broke them up.

[Failed Student]

TYK is never to blame. She is a great grandmaster of blaming others and doctoring the truth.

[Kathy Kim]

Yes she is FS......thankfully that was one time she couldn't doctor the truth.

[Failed Student]

Where is Lou Gossett Jr in this big July 9 event? Wasn't he supposed to be the guest of honor? Wonder what made him change his mind.

[Kathy Kim]

Where is Lou Gossett Jr in this big July 9 event? Wasn't he supposed to be the guest of honor? Wonder what made him change his mind.

Gosh, maybe he has read what we have to say about who she really is here? Just reading her outrageous title should scare people away. Or maybe there was a whisper in his ear?

[Failed Student]

To perhaps answer my own question....could it be that Willie Brown whsipered in his ear about the tacky question TYK asked him in front of everyone? That has to be a classic, if indeed it did happen.

[bemused]

It's a slow day, so I thought I'd contribute a potentially useful tidbit from a book called The Sociopath Next Door:

"The most reliable sign, the most universal behaviour of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy. Good people will let pathetic individuals get by with murder, so to speak, and therefore any sociopath wishing to continue with his game, whatever it happens to be, should play repeatedly for none other than pity."

Does this ring any bells?

[bemused]

I should elaborate a little. Seeking sympathy is of course not limited to sociopaths. More from The Sociopath Next Door:

"Perhaps the most easily recognized example is the battered wife whose sociopathic husband beats her routinely and then sits at the kitchen table, head in his hands, moaning that he cannot control himself and that he is a poor wretch whom she must find it in her heart to forgive. ... When deciding whom to trust, bear in mind that the combination of consistently bad or egregiously inadequate behavior with frequent plays for your pity is as close to a warning mark on a conscienceless person's forehead as you will ever be given."

In other words, when a sociopath is called to account, he or she typically turns it around and acts as if he or she were the victim. This is the classic pity play.

[bemused]

It's another slow day, so I'll continue with the same line of thought.

After SE left, after DP left, after Inside Edition aired, and after a few other crises, Kimmie called COL together for a good cry. She talked about how she was only human and trying to do the best she could (even though we couldn't hope to understand her exalted wisdom). She said she wished that these ungrateful people who had betrayed her had talked to her before taking the actions that they did (as if she would have acted on any advice). She even asked COL to tell her if she had done anything wrong (of course, everyone said, "Oh no Ma'am!").

I thought at the time that she was revealing her real self to those privileged students whom she loved and trusted the most. Looking back, it seems like just one more way that she kept her students from questioning her actions. After all, it's the height of meanness to kick someone when they're down, especially if they're so tearfully, pathetically remorseful. Even to have said, "Maybe you shouldn't have..." with preventive intent would have been considered presumptuous and insensitive.

After JL and ML vanished one day, she begged COL "not to leave like a thief in the night." Trouble is, she set it up so it was hard to leave in any other way. If you tried to leave you got the pity play. If you left and came back, you groveled for the privilege of getting disciplined. Jdms's story (in part 1) of leaving is a good example. Kimmie reeled Jdms back in with tears, sweet talk, and promises of reform that she never intended to and didn't keep.

I tried to leave honorably but was guilt-tripped when I tried to give two points of mild feedback (MBF compared it to "two thumbtacks in her arm"). I was asked to write my own Lighthouse letter of reference for them to sign, but it was then edited down to triviality (my end run was to contact DP). About my musical aspirations Kimmie said, "Follow your dream," but it was clear from her tone of voice that she was not supportive but contemptuous. What dream could possibly be better than hers?

I didn't consciously intend to manipulate Kimmie into letting me go, but that was the result. When she told me to find an apartment, I didn't beg her to reconsider. If she had wanted me to stay, SHE would have had to beg ME, which she wasn't prepared to do. I guess she doesn't like to pull the pity play if it means swallowing her pride. Or maybe she just shrewdly assessed my value. I guess I wasn't very useful to her at that point, because to my knowledge she didn't cry a puddle of tears over me.

[Failed Student]

TYK is manipulative to say the least. I saw that here in Vermont in my own experience. She suspended me from martial arts training for three months, admonished everyone not to have any contact with me, but within hours of my banishment she was trying to reach me by phone. She wanted it both ways - wanted me to be in touch with her although no one else was allowed to do so. Her plan was to make me feel miserable about not being able to train and then have me come back after the three months and be groveling at her feet, grateful to be back in the fold. It didn't work, I reveled in my freedom and have never looked back. That is not to say I still don't have occasional nightmares about this, but that whole experience has made me a very strong person. No one dares fuck with me again...either from the cult or any other situation.

[bemused]

Every COL student who leaves represents a loss of investment and revenue to Kimmie, and without her COL students she wouldn't have Lighthouse, her only cash cow, yet when her mistreatment of a student comes back to bite her in the butt, she doesn't learn.

All the yelling, humiliation, overcharging, overworking, underpayment, surveillance, and guilt-tripping isn't just unethical, in the long run it's counterproductive. She might not realize it, but she creates more fear than respect. When students lose their fear, they leave.

Groups that treat their members well have turnover too, but they don't end up with more disgusted former members than current members and a collection of appalled bystanders to boot.