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For the parents...advice needed

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  • Miguksaram
    replied
    Originally posted by EternalRage
    That's about as good as it gets.

    Props to ur son.

    video of the fight if it exists plz...
    Thanks and I'll start having him carry a camera around in the future for just such an event.

    Leave a comment:


  • EternalRage
    replied
    Originally posted by miguksaram
    Good point. My best friend, since 2nd grade and I have fought forever. We still argue over stupid shit. However, when all was said and done we were still friends. So here is the follow up report on the whole incident.

    Well let me first start by saying that the school did call me back.....ON SATURDAY!!! I wasn't home for the call as we were at the dojo training. They said they would call me at my work today so I will just have to wait, and plot some witty comments to say to them on their great timing on the whole incident.

    As for my son, well it went down at lunch time on Friday. The kids called him out and he didn't back down. He said fine let's do it. So when all was said and done, all the kids who were going to jump him backed down. Actually they chickened out, leaving his ex-friend to fend for himself. No punches were thrown, no kicks were released. Which for the most part I am happy about. There is still the punk in me which was hoping that he would have walloped at least one of them and send a message to the rest to leave him alone (hey I'm a guy what can I say) :) I was also happy to hear that two of his friends did go there to help him if needed.

    After the ex-friend was left standing there he decided he wants to be friends again. When my son told me all of this I told him he should get his "friend" to recant the rumor that he has been spreading. I talked to the parents of the kid yesterday on the phone. Apparently they found out through other parents whose kids saw the whole incident (suburbia is a small world), that it was their son who started it and they apologized. I did offer to pay half the dental but they would not accept stating that they are going to be taking the money out of the kid's allowance to teach him a lesson about starting fights. Worked for me. So now everything is once again sun shiny and happy in the land of suburbia. Special bonus to all of it, we had 2 of his friends wanting to sign up at our school for lessons. :)
    That's about as good as it gets.

    Props to ur son.

    video of the fight if it exists plz...

    Leave a comment:


  • G.R. Bug
    replied
    "After the ex-friend was left standing there he decided he wants to be friends again."

    That's freakin' hilarious. Sounds like something out of a pro wrestling TV show.

    I'm glad to hear everything worked out for your son.

    Leave a comment:


  • It is Fake
    replied
    :fist: HA!! HA!! exactly.

    Leave a comment:


  • Miguksaram
    replied
    Originally posted by It is Fake??
    Take it as a learning experience and remember it for the next time your boy comes to you with a problem.
    That's correct. When two wrongs don't make a right....hit 'em with your left. :tongue11:

    Leave a comment:


  • It is Fake
    replied
    Good to hear. That is why, in my long winded post, I said wait and see. At that age you must always wait and see. Kids don't hold grudges like adults.

    I would tell the school, who probably waited to see if things worked out, everything is cool.


    I bet that was his first real fight with a good friend right?

    The first time it happens it sucks, That is where you, as a father, use your experience. Like you just said you still fight with one of your friends.

    Take it as a learning experience and remember it for the next time your boy comes to you with a problem.

    Leave a comment:


  • Miguksaram
    replied
    Originally posted by greese1
    Also, if I had a dollar for everytime me and my best friend at that age got into it I would be fucking rich. We fought. that is what kids do. Someimes noses are busted or teeh are chipped. Big deal.
    Good point. My best friend, since 2nd grade and I have fought forever. We still argue over stupid shit. However, when all was said and done we were still friends. So here is the follow up report on the whole incident.

    Well let me first start by saying that the school did call me back.....ON SATURDAY!!! I wasn't home for the call as we were at the dojo training. They said they would call me at my work today so I will just have to wait, and plot some witty comments to say to them on their great timing on the whole incident.

    As for my son, well it went down at lunch time on Friday. The kids called him out and he didn't back down. He said fine let's do it. So when all was said and done, all the kids who were going to jump him backed down. Actually they chickened out, leaving his ex-friend to fend for himself. No punches were thrown, no kicks were released. Which for the most part I am happy about. There is still the punk in me which was hoping that he would have walloped at least one of them and send a message to the rest to leave him alone (hey I'm a guy what can I say) :) I was also happy to hear that two of his friends did go there to help him if needed.

    After the ex-friend was left standing there he decided he wants to be friends again. When my son told me all of this I told him he should get his "friend" to recant the rumor that he has been spreading. I talked to the parents of the kid yesterday on the phone. Apparently they found out through other parents whose kids saw the whole incident (suburbia is a small world), that it was their son who started it and they apologized. I did offer to pay half the dental but they would not accept stating that they are going to be taking the money out of the kid's allowance to teach him a lesson about starting fights. Worked for me. So now everything is once again sun shiny and happy in the land of suburbia. Special bonus to all of it, we had 2 of his friends wanting to sign up at our school for lessons. :)
    Last edited by Miguksaram; 11/07/2005 8:01am, .

    Leave a comment:


  • Greese
    replied
    Also, if I had a dollar for everytime me and my best friend at that age got into it I would be fucking rich. We fought. that is what kids do. Someimes noses are busted or teeh are chipped. Big deal.

    Leave a comment:


  • Greese
    replied
    Originally posted by daGorilla
    Who the hell cares who started it? This is a clear example of why moral/ethical lessons should NOT be removed from martial arts training -- at least when you're talking about kids.
    I don't think we have to worry about it in this scenario. I am sure Miguks son has been taught to behave properly. But I at some level, you need to kick someone who is bullying you's ass.

    I got in two fights in elementary school. Someone teased me I let it go. The second they touched me I want at them. I ended up busting one kids nose, blacking an eye....the second fight I pushed the kid back while blockin his leg and he landed on his arm funny and broke it.

    Leave a comment:


  • beachfront71
    replied
    We agree to disagree? I can see where people would differ.

    However, as an example, I live in an equestrian community, one of the horse owners was bothering/intimidating some of the ladies at the stables to the point of police, restraining orders, ets...

    She ended up suing the man personally and then went after his homeowners, I believe both for different reasons...

    Case is pending...

    Leave a comment:


  • lawdog
    replied
    Originally posted by beachfront71
    1. Opinons may vary but it is what it is, 11 is not an age where competent decisions are consistantly made
    2. Let me be more specific, In CA you cvan go after both, you can be sued personally and go after insurance depending on the circumstances
    3. I did not say teaching your kids defense will put you in a tight spot, I said "if it gets out through your kids friends that you told him to "go at it if needed" you are in a very tight spot. "


    But take Lawdogs route and tell him to beat the shit out of the guy and let us know what happens next.

    Still waiting on ride for dinner-
    When did I tell him to beat the shit out of the kid? I never said that.

    So, an 11 yr. old is incapable of making a competent decision regarding protecting himself from physical harm? Well, that's interetsing.

    You're wrong about the homeowner's policy. I already explained to you the role, if any, the carrier would play.

    To any rational person, "go at it if needed" would imply self defense, hence the term, if needed. And teaching your kid to defend himself in no way puts you in a "tight spot".

    Leave a comment:


  • beachfront71
    replied
    1. Opinons may vary but it is what it is, 11 is not an age where competent decisions are consistantly made
    2. Let me be more specific, In CA you cvan go after both, you can be sued personally and go after insurance depending on the circumstances
    3. I did not say teaching your kids defense will put you in a tight spot, I said "if it gets out through your kids friends that you told him to "go at it if needed" you are in a very tight spot. "


    But take Lawdogs route and tell him to beat the shit out of the guy and let us know what happens next.

    Still waiting on ride for dinner-

    Leave a comment:


  • lawdog
    replied
    Originally posted by beachfront71
    Some things to consider:

    1. 11 is a bit young to be fighting regardless of where you live, it has absolutley no point.
    This is just too difficult to ignore. Yes, in a perfect world fighting would be unnecessary, however we do not live in a perfect world. Regardless of a person's age, preventing another human being from inflicting harm upon you is a perfectly valid reason to fight.
    3......Check your homeowners as they will sue you both personally and through your insurance. It will also be expensive regardless of fault, you will have a tough time defending it just by the nature of the suit. Furthermore, if it gets out through your kids friends that you told him to "go at it if needed" you are in a very tight spot.
    That's a misconception, it's not the way it works. They will not sue his homeowners policy. If there were to be a lawsuit, yes, the parents would be named as defendants. Depending on the terms of the homewowners policy, it may or may not cover them. If it covers them, they will pay nothing for a defense, the entire defense will be handled by their homeowners carrier and any damages awarded would be paid by the carrier up to the policy limits. this case would probably never even be filed, but would be settled pre-suit by his carrier. If it were filed, it would not be particularly expensive to defend.

    And teaching your child to defend themeselves does not , in any way, put the parents in a tight spot.
    Last edited by lawdog; 11/04/2005 8:00pm, .

    Leave a comment:


  • beachfront71
    replied
    I did not read the other replies so if this is redundant, my bad.

    Some things to consider:

    1. 11 is a bit young to be fighting regardless of where you live, it has absolutley no point.

    2. I would say talking to the parents and explaining it all, then coming up with a solution you both agree upon is priority #1.

    3. You are responsible for your kid as a juvenile -- You are also the person who will be sued by another parent if there is a fight that ends up with injuries.
    Check your homeowners as they will sue you both personally and through your insurance. It will also be expensive regardless of fault, you will have a tough time defending it just by the nature of the suit. Furthermore, if it gets out through your kids friends that you told him to "go at it if needed" you are in a very tight spot.

    4. If somethign was to happen are you prepared to face the consequences of not only being sued, but having your son kicked out of the school system and you have to shuttle him every day somewhere else and perhaps pay for private school.

    5. You should have already sent the school a certified letter outlining the problem, phone calls are not documented if and when something happens.

    There are no drunk people to blame the fight on, it is 2 kids whose parents will be judged by thier kids actions.

    Late for dinner but hopefully you see some value here--sorry about spelling

    Leave a comment:


  • It is Fake
    replied
    Okay, let me put some input into this that hasn't been stated. Have you waited to see what the outcome is?

    No.

    You and the other parents may be mightly emabarrassed. I have been in and witnessed many dust ups between friends. 99.9% of the time, while the parents are fueding, the kids are best friends again. I have seen this on many ocassions. Hell, my mom and neighbor had a nasty argument about me kicking this kids ass.

    He threw a rock at me and ran. When I caught up to him I snatched him out of his doorway, punched him in the face, and threw him head first into his front door. The door flew open, slammed the wal,l and scared the shit out of his mom. My mom and Dad come out his mom and dad come out and everyone (okay just the women) was yelling..................................





    A few days later, me and the kid, were playing like nothing had ever happened.


    I ran from one fight in my life. My dad laid into (no beating) and said:

    "if you are man enough to start something, you better be man enough to finish what you started." That stayed with me all these years because I heard my dad curse 2 in my life.




    Tomas: Your situation sucks but my daughter just went through the same situation with out violence. Guess what? It started off with one kid picking on her and escalated into a group of kids spitting on her and ready to jump her after school. My daughter's use of non-violence ended up exactly in the same situation as you.

    So it is, "damned if you do damned if you don't." Best part, the kids were all of the same race.


    Anyway Migurk, pay the dental bill, get it in writing that is all they want.

    Don't apologize that is your kid admitting guilt. I bet SB and LD can find cases on that for you. Just like any lawyer will tell you don't admitt fault at the scene of an accident. That logic applies to anything, in my book, that may involve litigation.

    My sig sums up the way I teach my kids.

    2 things Migurk

    1) Back your son 100%. Right or wrong back him 100% until he gives you reason not to trust you.

    2) Wait and see what happens next time. Once cooler heads prevail many things can be worked out. Honestly how would you feel if your son came home with his ass whooped? Don't give me any BS answer, most men would be embarrassed.


    Now, you are on the escalator and it can only go up from here. Parents were involved, now the school is involved, if the threats are credible police can be involved. It can turn into one big clusterfuck.

    One more question if you son is half Korean, with and A average, does that mean if he was full korean he would have an A++ average? :toothy10:

    Just kidding the thread was getting to serious.

    Leave a comment:

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