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    The ultimate bullshidoka

    OK...so we've started putting together the ultimate bullshido kata:

    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=24990

    What ultimate bullshido system would be complete without the ultimate bullshidoka? I figure the ultimate bullshidoka would combine all the "best" elements of the current top offenders while simultaneously being so vague as to leave no method for checking his outrageous claims. Firstly, our bullshidoka would of course grow up next door to a secret ninja master who teaches him the deadly arts from the age of 5 or so. Of course there needs to be a reason why he later can't show people who taught him or verify this in any way....amnesia maybe? He needs to be from an elite military unit of some sort that cannot be verified...also he should claim to have been a mercenary/bouncer/streetfighter/trainer of the elite too...
    His system needs to be too deadly for combat and he should probably only teach overpriced seminars as someone might actually challenge him if he owned and operated a school. Three page ads in BB magazine for his invincible system also a must.
    Seriously though, I'm considering buying ashidakim.net and doing some serious parody action. Any suggestions for creating the ultimate bullshidoka? Also, if anyone has a decent digital cam and would consider taking some "action shots" for the site PM me.

    #2
    Grows up next to a middle-aged ninja; learns ancient deadly art and becomes a master at 10. When looked into, the neighbor he grew up with wasn't even asian, and no style can be found that resembles it.

    Works as a bouncer while in school to pay off the hospital bills of kicking everybody's ass

    Enlists in the military when he turns 18, but was so deadly he got put into shadow ops (since it's super-secret, it can't be verified)

    ...I'd go further, but I've got such a fucking headache.
    DIDN'T YOU KNOW?! The Chinese know everything! And they knew it 4,000 years before YOU did!

    "Yes. Yes I am. I'm clearly illiterate and dictating this post to a squadron of several dozen trained jumping beans I've coearced into living on my keyboard, each named after a letter or character, which bounce up and down as I call their names." -JohnnyCache

    Comment


      #3
      also certified by our president.

      yes i went there.

      Comment


        #4
        I'll do you one better: Certified by the Pope.

        PL

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Poop-Loops
          I'll do you one better: Certified by the Pope.

          PL
          I'll do you one better: molested by the Pope. (oh god, I'm going to get killed for that aren't I?)
          Originally posted by Osiris
          Imagine if track was run like the martial arts community. While the winning teams would just sprint down the field, smoking the competition, you'd have a bunch of losers running around explaining how they can skip down the track just as fast. Never mind that it doesn't fucking work. Oh no, they're too fast for track. They run on the STREET.

          Comment


            #6
            The pope's secret Vatican assassin-inquisitor unit is going to track you down and hurt you.

            Because the Vatican operates the MOST FUCKING SUPER SECRET FIGHTING FORCE IN THE WORLD, IT IS SO DEADLY ELITE THAT IT WILL BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND, BECAUSE THEIR FIGHTING STYLE IS SO EASY YET DEADLY THAT THEY CAN FUCK YOU UP IN SECONDS WITHOUT PUNCHING OR KICKING OR LOOKING IN YOUR DIRECTION.

            edit: there's an idea for ya! "member of the super-secret Catholic Enforcers unit"
            Rad ki was made up by adolescents. I do not know who created trad ki but it was not made by adolescents. your an ass dude, Im not being a little bitch you are, your past the level of a bitch. Your beyond Bitch! If im easting my time with ki and psi, then your wasting time to prove frauds, and all shit like that! -theoutsider

            Kick boxing is ok, but don't expect do beat a man like Rickson Gracie with that. You need a real martial art. You need Xing Yi Quan. -Emptyflower

            The splits, how ever, have a few martial uses. Doing the splits for me, can put my fists in testical strike range.

            dont ignore the Art for the Martial or else your just kick boxing

            Yes i am serious, there are kicks that can block punches. we have them in Moo duk kwan.
            I want to learn how to use them in case my arm gets broken in a fight.
            what would you have me do? if my arm gets broke, not block punches? -sempi-stone

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Poop-Loops
              I'll do you one better: Certified by the Pope.

              PL

              after pope John was shot, the super elite vatican gaurd needed training, he is who they went to.

              I couldn't do my job without my new deadly skills I learned from him. I had to regester with with the local police, because I'm just THAT DEADLY now!----john gregory XI
              http://woodwardswhiskey.wordpress.com/

              He was punching him like the collective karmic debt he'd accrued was coming to collections, mostly on his face.

              Comment


                #8
                I guess the rad ki kids don't count since they can trace their lineage...back to Saturday morning cartoons.
                Shut the hell up and train.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Actually, the Vatican has been gaurded by Swiss mercenaries for ages. They may serve a mostly ceremonial function now. (Don't know.) But the Swiss Gaurds were considered elite, back in the day.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Cammo belt in kombat Hapjutsu (12th Dan)
                    Founder/ Gold belt (43rd Dan) in "Scientific lethal Applied Pressure Point fighting" -(irony anyone???)
                    Green belt in BJJ
                    Sells online courses
                    Bodyguard courses
                    National underground pugilist champion (country, time unspecified)
                    Former member of "Delta Force "Special Protection Unit" responsible for defending area 51
                    You are a total Douchbag. Train more, post nevermore.
                    FickleFingerOfFate -08-21-2007 08:59 AM

                    just die already.
                    Plasma - 08-20-2007 11:45 PM


                    Aikidokkkkakkakakakaaaaa
                    Best MA website ever!!!!!: http://www.dogjudo.co.uk/

                    Comment


                      #11
                      has his own compound were all of his instructor live and train in his super deadly arts. Jumps off of a building to boost moral in his sudents. charges so much for his black belt course that his students have to take on a second job to pay for the course. Says he actually grew up in korea and was taught NinMooDoe from a fith level dragon-tiger grand master. Says his art is so deadly that he could kill somone 10 times before they hit he ground. believes he can throw a Kamehameha wave. thinks that ground fight training is a waste of time.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by DubhGhaill
                        Actually, the Vatican has been gaurded by Swiss mercenaries for ages. They may serve a mostly ceremonial function now. (Don't know.) But the Swiss Gaurds were considered elite, back in the day.
                        Which gives the whole Vatican-secret-agent thing a thin ring of possibility to the average uniformed member of society :new_2guns

                        This guy has to start his own cult. Maybe for BB students he demands that they give up their commitments and take up a live-in apprenticeship where they learn the Moons of Jupiter.
                        Rad ki was made up by adolescents. I do not know who created trad ki but it was not made by adolescents. your an ass dude, Im not being a little bitch you are, your past the level of a bitch. Your beyond Bitch! If im easting my time with ki and psi, then your wasting time to prove frauds, and all shit like that! -theoutsider

                        Kick boxing is ok, but don't expect do beat a man like Rickson Gracie with that. You need a real martial art. You need Xing Yi Quan. -Emptyflower

                        The splits, how ever, have a few martial uses. Doing the splits for me, can put my fists in testical strike range.

                        dont ignore the Art for the Martial or else your just kick boxing

                        Yes i am serious, there are kicks that can block punches. we have them in Moo duk kwan.
                        I want to learn how to use them in case my arm gets broken in a fight.
                        what would you have me do? if my arm gets broke, not block punches? -sempi-stone

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Photos of his grandmaster squinting and trying to look asian.

                          Originally posted by Stickx
                          It must suck for legit practitioners of tai chi like Cullion to see their art get all watered down into exercise for seniors.
                          Those who esteme qi have no strength. ~ Exposition of Insights into the Thirteen Postures Attrib: Wu Yuxiang founder of Wu style tai chi.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            He's trained in Chipalani Taktar the only martial art from Antarctica. The last master died and he's the holder of the lineage (which goes back 10,000 years and has a comprehensive ground fighting system).
                            Originally posted by Osiris
                            Imagine if track was run like the martial arts community. While the winning teams would just sprint down the field, smoking the competition, you'd have a bunch of losers running around explaining how they can skip down the track just as fast. Never mind that it doesn't fucking work. Oh no, they're too fast for track. They run on the STREET.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              I'm going to need some more inaccurately used Asian titles. Select a few from kyoshi, renshi, hanshi, soke, gunshi, professor, sifu and guro and sprinkle liberally.

                              Also, snidely disparaging comments about wrestlers, boxers, sport fighters, UFC, etc. Make it sound like Soke Dickweed has, you know, mastered all that and has evolved and moved on.
                              I dork harder than any of you can imagine.

                              - Hedgehoney

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