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Ninjas and Klingons and Jedi, oh my!

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    Ninjas and Klingons and Jedi, oh my!

    From Dojo Press, the people who publish such classics as "Ashida Kims Big Ghey Book of Ninjitsu" and "Bukakke, secret art of the Ninja" comes ...
    KLINGON KUNG FU

    http://dojopress.com/catalog.books12.html

    It only gets worse from there.
    Mauro: Coming into the ring now is Giant Silva. 7 foot 2, 385 lbs, making his debut in Pride.
    Bas: Wow, that is one big guy!
    Mauro: He must have an enormous Johnson!
    Bas: Ur…I suppose.
    Mauro: What are his keys to victory here in the Pride ring tonight?
    Bas: Well I think he needs to use his reach, avoid Heaths takedowns, and try to use his size to overpower him.
    Mauro: I mean, imagine the size of that thing!
    Bas: Now Heath is coming into the ring…
    Mauro: Do women really like them that big? Doesn’t it hurt?
    Bas: I really wouldn’t know.
    Mauro: I’m starting to feel a little insecure.
    Bas: Let’s just talk about the fight.
    Mauro: You’re right, el Basito. What are Heaths keys to winning here tonight. What does he have to do? What are his strategies for emerging victorious here in the Saitama Super Arena tonight?
    Bas: Well, the first thing…
    Mauro: My wife says she doesn’t like them too big, that it’s all about how you use it.
    Bas: That’s not what she told me.

    #2
    Martial Arts is like sex, if you over complicate it with exotic sounding names, theories and principles, you end up fucking yourself in the ass. -Ronin69

    Comment


      #3
      Actually, I was thinking of joining the church of the Jedi....




      (just kidding)
      Originally posted by pauli
      i was once told that "do" means wrecking people's shit for your own philosophical betterment.

      Originally posted by melvin_peebles
      I could be mistaking dumbness for delusion. I'll have to go dig out my DSM IV. It's great to have stumbled upon this site. The rich fauna and flora of mental dysfunction that exists in the martial arts is amazing. It's like the Galapagos.

      Comment


        #4
        Ashida Kim is heavily involved in the Church of the Jedi. Check their message board sometime. I think he links to it from his ninja website.

        Comment


          #5
          Wouldn't surprise me that Ashida is the author of all these books.....
          Martial Arts is like sex, if you over complicate it with exotic sounding names, theories and principles, you end up fucking yourself in the ass. -Ronin69

          Comment


            #6
            This is my personal favorite:

            http://host128.ipowerweb.com/~dojopres/catalogbk7.html

            MUGEI-MUMEI no Jitsu

            THE 21st Century Martial Art

            cvr-MMnJ.gif (412013 bytes)

            ANYONE CAN BE A BLACK BELT
            No contracts or expensive classes

            INSTANT KUNG FU
            No boring forms or impossible exercises

            OVERCOME ANY ATTACKER
            Without physical Contact

            BREAK BRICKS WITH YOUR BARE HANDS
            No practice required

            KILL AND RESTORE TO LIFE
            The Power of Life and Death

            GO BEYOND MERE TECHNIQUE
            And learn he nature of Warriorship

            Arranged in the traditional manner of Self Instruction, those who read this book even once will possess the knowledge and therefore the power, equal to that of any Black Belt 1st Degree in any recognized system of martial arts known to man. That rank and the Official DOJO Certificate confirming it are conferred upon the purchase of this text. The actual level of skill of the individual is a matter of personal choice and practice.

            It has been said that, "Mugei-Mumei no Jitsu is better than Kung Fu, badder than Karate, softer than Tai Chi, gentler than Judo, and deadlier than Dim Mak." But, it is not WE who have said this.

            BLACK BELT CERTIFICATE and
            FREE BLACK DRAGON MEMBERSHIP ID CARD
            included with purchase

            5 1/2 x 8 1/2 , softcover;
            retail $ 19.95 USD

            Pay With PayPal

            Comment


              #7
              I know Lucas is cool with people making nonprofit fanfilms, etc, but does selling a Jedi book like this cross any trademark/copyright lines?

              Comment


                #8
                Whenever I saw Worf assaulting people on TNG, he didn't seem to have any Klingon-fu. He just swung around real clumsy like. Perhaps it was drunken Klingon-fu.
                Lone Wolf McQuade Final Fight: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmrDe_mYUXg

                Comment


                  #9
                  http://dojopress.com/catalogbk41.html

                  Actually there's more... learn the sex life of Ashida Kim...

                  The Amorous Adventures of Ashida Kim is the chronicle of his fifth trip to Africa in the service of the Black Dragon Fighting Society. His "cover story" at that time was being a "bouncer in a brothel." These are the tales of the ladies he met and helped during that turbulent period, that provide a glimpse into how the "real" world works, behind the scenes, inside the secret meetings, and how real warriors behave, regardless of the venue of their employment. As a first person narrative, it also provides a certain degree of insight into the mind of the Master Ninja- Ashida Kim. Rumor has it that this is the screenplay for his soon to be released motion picture.
                  He's going into porn as well... Nice.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by grandloupmechant
                    http://dojopress.com/catalogbk41.html

                    Actually there's more... learn the sex life of Ashida Kim...



                    He's going into porn as well... Nice.
                    If you keep this up, I'm going to vomit. On you.
                    Originally posted by pauli
                    i was once told that "do" means wrecking people's shit for your own philosophical betterment.

                    Originally posted by melvin_peebles
                    I could be mistaking dumbness for delusion. I'll have to go dig out my DSM IV. It's great to have stumbled upon this site. The rich fauna and flora of mental dysfunction that exists in the martial arts is amazing. It's like the Galapagos.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      i wanna learn da deadly klingon headbutt !!!
                      totoro-san ... world sushi munching champion ...

                      Comment


                        #12
                        First you need a deadly Klingon head...
                        Originally posted by pauli
                        i was once told that "do" means wrecking people's shit for your own philosophical betterment.

                        Originally posted by melvin_peebles
                        I could be mistaking dumbness for delusion. I'll have to go dig out my DSM IV. It's great to have stumbled upon this site. The rich fauna and flora of mental dysfunction that exists in the martial arts is amazing. It's like the Galapagos.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          The Klingon language is supposed to be the fastest growing language in the world, with lots of books, etc.

                          Maybe Mok'Bara will replace all those TKD McDojos on every corner.
                          Wouldn't that be special.
                          Mauro: Coming into the ring now is Giant Silva. 7 foot 2, 385 lbs, making his debut in Pride.
                          Bas: Wow, that is one big guy!
                          Mauro: He must have an enormous Johnson!
                          Bas: Ur…I suppose.
                          Mauro: What are his keys to victory here in the Pride ring tonight?
                          Bas: Well I think he needs to use his reach, avoid Heaths takedowns, and try to use his size to overpower him.
                          Mauro: I mean, imagine the size of that thing!
                          Bas: Now Heath is coming into the ring…
                          Mauro: Do women really like them that big? Doesn’t it hurt?
                          Bas: I really wouldn’t know.
                          Mauro: I’m starting to feel a little insecure.
                          Bas: Let’s just talk about the fight.
                          Mauro: You’re right, el Basito. What are Heaths keys to winning here tonight. What does he have to do? What are his strategies for emerging victorious here in the Saitama Super Arena tonight?
                          Bas: Well, the first thing…
                          Mauro: My wife says she doesn’t like them too big, that it’s all about how you use it.
                          Bas: That’s not what she told me.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Goddamnit, I actually thought the website was a joke when I first glanced at it...then I noticed that they have a "Humor and Novelty" section. I hate crap like this. It's so dumb that it physically hurts.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by badandy
                              Goddamnit, I actually thought the website was a joke when I first glanced at it...then I noticed that they have a "Humor and Novelty" section. I hate crap like this. It's so dumb that it physically hurts.
                              Haha.

                              Dude I wanna learn the three cuts of the Jedi Lightsaber!
                              Rad ki was made up by adolescents. I do not know who created trad ki but it was not made by adolescents. your an ass dude, Im not being a little bitch you are, your past the level of a bitch. Your beyond Bitch! If im easting my time with ki and psi, then your wasting time to prove frauds, and all shit like that! -theoutsider

                              Kick boxing is ok, but don't expect do beat a man like Rickson Gracie with that. You need a real martial art. You need Xing Yi Quan. -Emptyflower

                              The splits, how ever, have a few martial uses. Doing the splits for me, can put my fists in testical strike range.

                              dont ignore the Art for the Martial or else your just kick boxing

                              Yes i am serious, there are kicks that can block punches. we have them in Moo duk kwan.
                              I want to learn how to use them in case my arm gets broken in a fight.
                              what would you have me do? if my arm gets broke, not block punches? -sempi-stone

                              Comment

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