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You Know You're A BJJ Stylist If...

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    You Know You're A BJJ Stylist If...

    Our resident troll, Alter7nate, always trying to stir up crap with BJJ stylists created this list. Being a BJJ stylist myself, I still got a kick out of it.

    You might be a BJJ'er if...

    1. Say: "Kimura didn't fight Helio, they grappled"

    2. Say things like "Osama Bin Laden is bad but can he escape a GRACIE rear naked or armlock?"

    3. You are 200% sure that Shannon Logan would submit Bruce Lee in 5 minutes

    4. Believe Gracies invented everything

    5. Greet people with a open guard

    6. Think every BJJ bluebelt would submit any Judo black belt

    7. Speak with a fake Brazilian accent

    8. Plan to marry a Brazilian (applies to BJJ females)

    9. Think about Helio Gracie everytime doing a armbar, as though he created it

    10. Think the "Kimura lock" was named after a man name Kimura Gracie

    11. Have lots of kids

    12. Eat alot of papaya

    13. Don't get along with other styles and even their own

    14. Have nicknames like "Bjjbabe"

    15. Think Helio invented groundfighting

    16. Believe that Mitsuyo Maeda (teacher of the Gracie) came to Brazil in the year 2000 B.C., by now BJJ is nothing like Kosen Judo

    17. Have a altar dedicated to Rolls Gracie

    18. Think Rickson never tap before

    19. Says "there's nobody comparable to Royce"

    20. Believe that BJJ have a 70 years of undefeated record and still is to this day

    21. Get mad upon hearing "Kosen judo"

    22. Think Maeda was a "deadly" Jujitsu fighter rather than a student of Judo founder Kano.

    23. There must be something wrong when BJJ lose to other styles

    24. Avoid fighting with top fighters

    25. Fight and challenge retired fighters, even the dead Bruce Lee!

    26. Believe that only BJJ can defeat BJJ

    27. Cry when Sakuraba defeats four Gracies

    28. Who's Kimura? You mean Kimura Gracie?

    29. Always discover new "old Judo techniques" everyday

    30. If a BJJ'ller sees a good technique next time you know it, it's a BJJ technique with someone with a Gracie last name credited as the innovator.

    31. Start fights with some gas station owners

    32. Always need special rules

    33. Thinks the armbar, guard, half guard, Kimura, triangle, oma plata etc. were invented in Brazil

    34. Think Helio Gracie is the greatest fighter to ever live

    35. Says that the reason Mas Oyama and Helio never met is because Mas Oyama was scared and avoided encounter with Helio Gracie

    36. Masturbate while wearing a "gi" and says: thank god Helio invented the "gi", I mean the "kimono"

    37. Knows the whole Gracie family tree by heart

    38. Don't know that top BJJ men are bi-sexual

    39. Spent more time in between another man's leg than in between a girl's

    40. Say that the people that defeated BJJ'llers just got lucky

    Helio vs McLean. Would McLean simply have:

    1)beaten him into an unrecognizalbe pulp
    2)sodomized him first, or...
    3)shit, I don't know, McLean probably would have eaten that fucker alive.


      41. Say things like "Helio can still beat half of today's NHB fighters"

      42. Carry a copy of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu The Master Text everywhere...while trying to tell everybody that it's the equivalent of the Holy Bible

      43. Think the Gracie diet is the World's most powerful medicine

      44. Add an extra "i" to everything, Tiae-Kwon Do, Kia-rate, Miu-ay Thai etc.

      45. When you think of Jujitsu, you think of Helio as the CREATOR, Rickson as the son of the creator

      46. You think it's a Brazilian Tradition to challenge other drop in tears praising the genius of the Brazilians for creating this tradition

      47. You're a girl who's into BJJ, everytime you think about the Gracie get so wet down there

      48. You thought Rickson Gracie defeated Miyamoto Musashi in a swordfight

      49. You start to crosstrain in Muay Thai........then say that Helio was a genius having also created Muay Thai

      50. You're a guy who's into BJJ, you always say that Rickson owns you...body and soul, you also say that you would let your wife go to bed with Rickson if you have the chance

      51. Say that the great Sakuraba trained in BJJ all his life that's why he beated BJJ

      52. Think that Rickson Gracie is undefeatable

      53. You claim that Silva used primarily BJJ to beat Sakuraba

      54. You get a hard on when you hear anything Gracie related

      55. You and your friends foght NHB at the beach

      56. The guard is the most "deadly" technique the Martial arts world had ever known

      57. Say that Kimura used BJJ to beat Helio

      58. Told your friends that fastest way to learn BJJ is to spent time in Rickson's ass AKA guard

      59. You thought Helio Gracie invented Crosstraining...

      60. You quote down everything Royce say

      61. You was saying that Sakuraba and Renzo Gracie shouldn't be in the same ring...until renzo got his ass beat

      62. You think Rickson have the guts to take on Takada and Zulu...because both of them is some of the World's toughest fighters to have ever live

      63. You claim that Rolls Gracie "Invented" the triangle choke

      64. You say that the only reason Sakuraba defeated 4 Gracies is because he is the Japanese Gracie

      65. You try to say that Rickson is undefeated when you KNOW Rickson got his beat in a Sambo match by ippon

      66. You 're a BJJ guy and you think Royce look good as hell

      67. You try to cover up the fact that Helio Gracie was the "Original" Bisexual man

      68. You're dumb enough to try one of those Gracie tapes on self-defense against weapons

      69. You try to cover up the fact that Judo Master Kimura wasn't the only Pre-war Judoka that whopped a Gracie...Judoka Ono also whopped a Gracie

      70. You hate Gokor just because of his last name, do a good fighter have to have a Gracie last name or what?

      Edited by - Alter7nate on July 13 2002 02:02:45


        The sad thing is that lots of BJJ nutriders actually believe 50% of that...the only one I'm guilty of (and I don't do BJJ) is this one:

        You quote down everything Royce say, and only then because he says some funny stuff.


          my first post here! (chirp....chirp..)
          i started a thread like this on the old "in the guard" forum.

          71. you rub and pinch your ears secretly hoping they'll cauliflower.
          72. are constantly trying chokes and locks on your poor girlfriend (or lucky boyfriend -girls)
          73. you catch yourself humming the abu dhabi combat club theme song.
          74. you wear t-shirts that say "bad boy" and "tap out" and other rediculous stuff.
          75. you fantasize about new patches for your gi and wring your hands together in delightfull anticipation.
          to be continued


            lol@ "eat a lot of papaya"


              WTF hahahahaha!


                39. Spent more time in between another man's leg than in between a girl's - that was the funniest


                  From the FAQ:

                  12. Conversely, grappling=sex jokes are no longer funny.
                  Just in advance.


                    "42. Carry a copy of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu The Master Text everywhere...while trying to tell everybody that it's the equivalent of the Holy Bible"

                    Well, it makes definitely more SENSE that the Holy Bible.....



                      I had completely forgotten about this...pretty funny reading it again, cause it's true.


                        this is a very precise description of ryangracie7
                        Last edited by bait; 9/30/2004 5:20pm, .


                          rg7 is the dumbest guy ever. And considering the amount of stupidity here thats saying something.


                            you think of Helio as the CREATOR, Rickson as the son of the creator
                            Not only in BJJ, but all of the universe


                              I challenge any pure judo black belt at 155 lbs to a grappling match.



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