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Has anyone ever farted during class?

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  • Choke
    replied
    We call that a power kiai in my dojo.

    Cast in the name of God. Ye not guilty.

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  • Vargas
    replied
    When they said you can get the crap beat out of you on the street, I guess they weren't kidding :)

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  • baltasargracian
    replied
    Excellent one wastrel, wow that means there are the 5 ranges of shitting, stand up projectile shitting, striking range shits (for smearing) then trapping range shit (quickly ducking one hand behind whilst trapping opponent and smearing it into thier mouth and eyes, then after that vertical grappling shit , (which would be similar but more messy ) then Ground shitting (shitting from the guard, shitting in the mount side mount shits,) wow I wonder when paul vunak is going to put out a video series on this? (after all his "lost art of filipino biting and eye gouging" one wasnt far of the (skid)mark.

    I guess one really need to be an anal retentive streetfighter these days.

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  • The Wastrel
    replied
    That's why grappling never works on the "street". "Street fighters" have learned to save it up for an unsuspecting submission grappler and then let it all go. The beer bottle shards, crack vials, spent ammo casings, used needles, anti-freeze, and punji stakes that litter the "street" and confound the submission grappler (who must immediately jump onto his back when the fight begins) have probably already settled the fight, but a good squirt of genuine "street fighter" feces couldn't hurt.

    **The most miraculous power that can verifiably be attributed to "chi" is its ability to be all things to virtually all people, depending on what version of the superstition they are attempting to defend at any given moment.**

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  • baltasargracian
    replied
    OMG hahahaha now that is some real "down and dirty" stuff there, using ones shit as a defense, wow, you could even cup your hand in your crack, snap a log off and rub it into your opponents eyes mouth and face, yeah now thats some unorthodox stuff right there, I guess I should have asked " has anyone here ever shit thier pants/gi/thai boxing shorts/kung fu pajamas here before?"

    hhmm or "advanced dirty tactics" (only for senior advanced 'closed door' private students)

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  • Vargas
    replied
    Farts are nothing. When I wrestled in college, some guy (not me, thank god) got put in a cradle (when someone has one of his knees and head forced together by his opponent's locked arms) and promptly shit himself. That was pretty much the end of that match. Of course, that's ONE good way to escape a grappler :)

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  • MM4Guy
    replied
    When I taught kids classes and a kid farted not one kid in the room would crack a smile. But if somebody farted during the adult class it would be a laugh fest.

    LOL, same thing happens when I am teaching class, except only the one who farted screams "I'm sorry, It was an accident". And in the adult class, the guy screams, "It wasn't me".

    Remember the time in the 6th grade where you got your ass-kicked by that 80-pound short-kid? Got BJJ?
    <marquee>Thai Boxing: Been kicking your ass since 1949.</marquee>

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  • DanDavis
    replied
    I used to pass SBD's (Silent But Deadly's) and play dumb, but I always got busted.

    "Strike first! Strike hard! No mercy, sir!"

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  • Andy Kaufman
    replied
    farting occurs all the time during BJJ.

    when someone is putting pressure on you, the gas has to go somewhere....

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  • ksmythe
    replied
    Man.... I weigh about 140 and most of the guys in the morning BJJ class I attend are 200 or more. Sometimes I feel like a human woopie cushion!



    "Gentlemen! No fighting in here! This is the War Room."

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  • matzahbal
    replied
    When I taught kids classes and a kid farted not one kid in the room would crack a smile. But if somebody farted during the adult class it would be a laugh fest.

    "But some apes they gotta go, so we kill the ones we don't know" - 'Ape shall never kill Ape' by The Vandals

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  • NorwoodBloke
    replied
    ...especially if you are a pirate, right?

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  • The Wastrel
    replied
    Norwood,
    That just makes the ninja more likely to just flip out and kill you, and NOT EVEN THINK TWICE about it. Ninjas are so sweet.

    **The most miraculous power that can verifiably be attributed to "chi" is its ability to be all things to virtually all people, depending on what version of the superstition they are attempting to defend at any given moment.**

    Leave a comment:


  • NorwoodBloke
    replied
    Farting is the only sure fire way to flush concealed ninjas out of hiding.
    As everyone knows they can be a big problem with their stealthy ways, so it's important to get plenty of fibre!

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  • baltasargracian
    replied
    Also, Id like to add, that possibly ancient chinese masters actively developed certain chi kung sphincter contraction exercises, to retain thier molecular chi fart gasses, and would have secretly passed down these secrets to loyal devoted dedicated students. "The 7 buddha lotus sphincter squeeze" is an example of this "closed door" secret anus breathing chi kung.

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