Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Since there are so many men And Women threads

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Since there are so many men And Women threads

    Meant for humorous purposes only, it was a joke letter sent to me by a friend:


    Dear Terri:

    I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.

    But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says ... "There's no one like you, Terri." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.

    Two weeks ago, I met this girl at the Rainbow Room and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body - tits you wouldn't believe and a butt like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch getting a hellacious barney by this co-ed, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so surface. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Terri? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

    Later, after I'd tossed her about a quart of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else - some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Terri, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you, baby. Jesus, Terri, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

    Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at Second Baptist Church? Well, she drops by last week with a pan of "lasagna." She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she really meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we have a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're making hot love in our old bedroom. And this broad's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about God and her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. Because I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Terri ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." (Some of this I thought about later.)

    You know what I mean? What happened to our spontaneity? You get so caught up in the routine of a marriage and you just lose sight of each other. And then you lose yourself. That's the saddest part of all for me. But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only want this stuff with you.

    Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Shannon's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders. She's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. (She's pulling for us to get back together, Terri. She really is.) So we're drinking in the hot tub and talking about happier times. Here's this hot girl with the same DNA as you (although, let's face it, she got an extra helping of the sexy gene) and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

    And then it turns out Shannon's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside the steaming hot Dutch oven of your sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, baby. In your heart you know it.

    Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that I think if you'd just try it, I wouldn't have to pressure you so much. Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri? It just tears us apart. And I can't be apart from you. Because I love you, God help me but I do, please say yes.

    Love,
    Scott

    #2
    You bastard, this actually made me laugh!
    That civilisation may not sink,
    Its great battle lost,
    Quiet the dog, tether the pony
    To a distant post;
    Our master Caesar is in the tent
    Where the maps are spread,
    His eyes fixed upon nothing,
    A hand under his head.


    - W.B. Yeats

    Comment


      #3
      LOL!
      :qleft1: :new_cussi :qmickey: :evil7: :XXcat: :XXfish: :5crackup:

      Comment


        #4
        *snicker* good one.

        Comment


          #5
          BRAVO!

          Comment


            #6
            ROFLMAO! Sweeeeeet!
            Regards,
            CrimsonTiger

            "Na'h, they should go to old school rules.
            One guy gets sword and sheild, the other gets a net and a trident.
            Lions eat christians between rounds." - Strong Machine

            Comment


              #7
              I'd LOL, but it's an e-mail forward.
              Originally posted by The Wastrel
              I think the forum's traditionally light-handed approach to moderation has become untenable.

              Comment


                #8
                *edits to send to his ex*

                Comment


                  #9
                  That's just wrong, funny, but wrong. lmao
                  People of integrity expect to be believed. When they're not, they let time prove them right.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Check out these askmen threads:

                    A man's take on 'chivalry':
                    http://pub208.ezboard.com/faskmenfrm...ID=53398.topic

                    Why can't I accept that she Bukkaki's?:
                    http://pub208.ezboard.com/faskmenfrm...ID=53564.topic

                    why do women discuss things one year old:
                    http://pub208.ezboard.com/faskmenfrm...ID=53352.topic

                    I got to laugh at women who...:
                    http://pub208.ezboard.com/faskmenfrm...ID=53472.topic

                    I've never been on a date:
                    http://pub208.ezboard.com/faskmenfrm...ID=53376.topic

                    Comment


                      #11
                      the difference, strangler, is that his shit is funny and yours isn't. yours is just worn out and cliched bullshit from bitter people who can only feel sorry for themselves rather than actually do shit about it.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        lol, heheheh
                        CLICK THE ADDS ROMO!

                        This chapter will also show clips from a high-speed video in which Master Bristol conceals a Swiss Army Knife inside his buttocks. -from "The Magicians Code" by Hans Bristol

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Strangler,

                          This is what you do with your time?

                          Sad.
                          Regards,
                          CrimsonTiger

                          "Na'h, they should go to old school rules.
                          One guy gets sword and sheild, the other gets a net and a trident.
                          Lions eat christians between rounds." - Strong Machine

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Ok, joe, good shit.
                            Official member of the CBK club
                            Rule #376-Never mess with a CBK!
                            I make the devil go to church.

                            Comment

                            Collapse

                            Edit this module to specify a template to display.

                            Working...
                            X