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a fair indicator the human race is f*cked

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    a fair indicator the human race is f*cked

    ripped from various corners of the web, im a bad person i know...

    Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

    "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

    "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

    "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

    "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

    "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

    "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

    "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

    "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

    "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

    "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

    "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

    "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

    "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.

    "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

    "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

    "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

    "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

    "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

    "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

    "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

    "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

    "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

    "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

    "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

    "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

    "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

    "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

    "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

    "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

    "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

    "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

    "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

    "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

    "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

    "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

    "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

    "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

    "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

    "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

    "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

    "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

    "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

    "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

    "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

    "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

    "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

    "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

    "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

    "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

    "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

    "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

    "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

    "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

    "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

    "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

    "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

    "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

    "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

    "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

    "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

    "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

    "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

    "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

    "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

    "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

    "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

    "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

    "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

    "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

    "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

    "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

    "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

    "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

    "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

    "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

    "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

    "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch

    "Things are more like they are now than they have ever been."
    --President Gerald Ford

    "My fellow astronauts..." --Vice-President Dan Quayle, beginning a
    speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration.

    "Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of
    human life." --Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah, explaining his
    support of the death penalty.

    "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." --Charles de
    Gaulle, ex-French President

    "I stand by all the misstatements." --Dan Quayle, defending himself
    against criticism for making verbal gaffes

    "Gerald Ford was a Communist" --Ronald Reagan in a speech. He later
    indicated he meant to say 'Congressman'.

    "Outside of the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime
    rates in the country." --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C.

    "We found the term 'killing' too broad." --State Department
    spokesperson on why the word 'killing' was replaced with 'unlawful
    or arbitrary deprivation of life' in its human rights reports for
    1984-5

    "This is a great day for France!" --President Richard Nixon while
    attending Georges Pompidou's funeral

    "This is the worst disaster in California since I was elected."
    --California Governor Pat Brown, discussing a local flood

    "It's not listed in the Bible, but my spiritual gift, my specific
    calling from God, is to be a television talkshow host." --James
    Baker, televangelist.

    "The chairs in the cabin are for the ladies. Gentlemen are not to
    make use of them till the ladies are seated." --Instructions posted
    in a river cruise ship, Suir River, Ireland.

    "The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine items
    for the police." --U.S. Commerce Department spokesman on a
    regulation allowing the export of various products abroad.

    "What he does on his own time is up to him." --Harlon Copeland,
    Sheriff of Bexar County, Texas, when one of his deputies was caught
    exposing himself to a child.

    "Facts are stupid things." --Ronald Reagan, misquoting John Adams in
    a speech to the Republican convention.

    "Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
    - Mariah Carey, Pop Singer
    CLICK THE ADDS ROMO!

    This chapter will also show clips from a high-speed video in which Master Bristol conceals a Swiss Army Knife inside his buttocks. -from "The Magicians Code" by Hans Bristol

    #2
    what are your trying to do kill me with laughter?
    "ARGH SURF NINJAS *implodes* " the cruel fate of Stold3

    Comment


      #3
      The funniest stuff since scary movie 3~~~:D
      "People think that judo is only unarmed combat - but you are never unarmed when you can hit someone with a planet. "
      - Uncyclopedia entry on Judo

      Comment


        #4
        That's why this country needs tort reform...

        Comment


          #5
          Thats a great statement towards the america is sue happy. Every one of those has a lawsuit attached. It would be great if the news had a segment for the idiots to admit they tried to sue for what they did. I would love to see some putz say "I tried to sue a chainsaw compnay because when I tried to stop the blade with my hand I got cut. I AM AN ASSHOLE" . I think it would make great tv.
          ----------------------------------------
          After reading Jekyll's threads I bring back an old sig.......

          Do you really train or just bore people on message boards and parties talking about it.

          Comment


            #6


            I was gonna comment on how state laws and human stupidity go together.
            Even when I was a little bit more wet behind the ears I couldn't some of the warning labels out. I couldn't believe anyone would do something so stupid.

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            Comment


              #7
              Warning: Above post not to be screamed outloud at work.
              Surfing Facebook at work? Spread the good word by adding us on Facebook today! https://www.facebook.com/Bullshido

              https://www.instagram.com/bullshido/

              Comment


                #8
                ""Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image."

                Explore?

                ""Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer."
                Made me actually laugh out loud.
                Surfing Facebook at work? Spread the good word by adding us on Facebook today! https://www.facebook.com/Bullshido

                https://www.instagram.com/bullshido/

                Comment


                  #9
                  *weeps with laughter*
                  Monkey Ninjas! Attack!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Hilarious!

                    Oh Boy some people really deserves to get the Darwin Award! Humanity is screwed!
                    Last edited by Freddy; 1/01/2004 3:45pm, .
                    Ghost of Charles Dickens

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by PizDoff


                      I was gonna comment on how state laws and human stupidity go together.
                      Even when I was a little bit more wet behind the ears I couldn't some of the warning labels out. I couldn't believe anyone would do something so stupid.
                      And considering the fact that the US is the superpower & the police of the world that is even more scary~~~:cool:
                      "People think that judo is only unarmed combat - but you are never unarmed when you can hit someone with a planet. "
                      - Uncyclopedia entry on Judo

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by liuzg150181
                        And considering the fact that the US is the superpower & the police of the world that is even more scary~~~:cool:

                        where only the most powerful country cause were a bunch insane volient people, willing to destroy some shit on the drop of a dime. Why do you think our fore father's gave us so much freedom, we'd fuck'em over if they tryed some funny shit.
                        "ARGH SURF NINJAS *implodes* " the cruel fate of Stold3

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Most of these make perfect sense to me.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by Meteora
                            where only the most powerful country cause were a bunch insane volient people, willing to destroy some shit on the drop of a dime. Why do you think our fore father's gave us so much freedom, we'd fuck'em over if they tryed some funny shit.
                            Now i know why the right to arms is written in the US constitution~~~:D
                            "People think that judo is only unarmed combat - but you are never unarmed when you can hit someone with a planet. "
                            - Uncyclopedia entry on Judo

                            Comment


                              #15
                              The real reason it's in there is because incase the brits tryed to attack again, everyone be packing. There's clearly no reason for it now.
                              "ARGH SURF NINJAS *implodes* " the cruel fate of Stold3

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