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FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN

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    FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN

    FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
    By Dave Barry

    1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
    the same night.

    2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
    not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would
    be "meetings."

    3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

    4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
    want you to share yours with them.

    5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

    6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

    7. Never lick a steak knife.

    8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

    9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
    reason why we observe daylight savings time.

    10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
    that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
    from her at that moment.

    11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make
    a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

    12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, <
    o:p>
    religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
    we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

    13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
    person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

    14. Your friends love you anyway.

    15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
    built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


    FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as
    grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn
    into something acceptable to have dinner with.
    Originally posted by Sifu Rudy Abel
    "Just what makes a pure grappler think he can survive with an experienced striker. Especially if that striker isn't following any particular rule set and is well aware of what the grapplers strategies are".

    #2
    Well said, well done !!!!
    May I add:
    Know the difference between what Can be changed and what CAN'T be changed.

    Comment


      #3
      In regards to #12 do we really need to go into the ability of the average asian woman?

      Seriously, Wastrel has to know what I'm talking about.


      Oh and by the way, this is not rascism, but it is a generalization (that may only be applicable to No.Calif).

      Comment


        #4
        Nope, Asians drive like shit in Canada too !!!

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Dochter
          In regards to #12 do we really need to go into the ability of the average asian woman?

          Seriously, Wastrel has to know what I'm talking about.


          Oh and by the way, this is not rascism, but it is a generalization (that may only be applicable to No.Calif).
          2 accidents I've been involved in.

          A Cuban woman.

          A old drunk white guy.

          That's in Florida though, not known for it's asian population.
          Originally posted by Sifu Rudy Abel
          "Just what makes a pure grappler think he can survive with an experienced striker. Especially if that striker isn't following any particular rule set and is well aware of what the grapplers strategies are".

          Comment


            #6
            Nice.

            "FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as
            grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn
            into something acceptable to have dinner with."

            Better censor that one before a certain short rabid female gets here!




            Re: Chinese drivers.
            I find that (other than punkass fuckups with "pimped-out" cars) Chinese that come from Hong Kong and China are worse than those born and raised in Canada. Traffic conditions are much worse there in Hong Kong than Toronto.

            *Shrugs.*
            Then you factor in rich bitches in unncessarily large SUVs.
            I was in a very near accident with one of that idiots in a big black SUV. Apparently they don't check their mirrors.
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            Comment


              #7
              Large SUVs in areas of minnimal inclement weather with no altitude change are the stupidest things in the fucking world.

              How many soccer mom's drive Hummers in Davis these days Wastrel?

              A fucking lot when I left. The rest were in excursions.

              One thing I don't miss about that hypocritical town: "we're all liberal and environmentally friendly with 6 figure income and suvs, but make sure the coloreds only stay here in our town while they're in school, once they move in we'll never get rid of them". Hypocrites!

              In other ways I do miss that city though. At least I always drank free at the main bar.

              Comment


                #8
                #12 is flawless because it says we all BELIEVE we're above-average drivers. Millions of Koreans labor under the misconception that what they do with their cars is "driving".


                JIC: I love Korea, Korean, and Koreans, but this is just the truth.
                Normally, I'd say I was grappling, but I was taking down and mounting people, and JFS has kindly informed us that takedowns and being mounted are neither grappling nor anti grappling, so I'm not sure what the fuck I was doing. Maybe schroedinger's sparring, where it's neither grappling nor anti-grappling until somoene observes it and collapses the waveform, and then I RNC a cat to death.----fatherdog

                Comment


                  #9
                  2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
                  not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would
                  be "meetings."
                  My jobs sucks now because of this - Universities (rant rant rant)

                  Because of this I have not been able to practice my mental ilness regularly so I guess it is a hobby for me.

                  3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

                  Comment


                    #10
                    DOH!! Simpsons...classic.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      My chink wife thinks this joke is horrible:

                      What do you get when you mix a Mexican with a Chinese?

                      A car thief who can't drive.


                      Well, I only read this dumb thread because of the title; I know A is nothing like over 50!
                      "Preparing mentally, the most important thing is, if you aren't doing it for the love of it, then don't do it." - Benny Urquidez

                      Comment


                        #12
                        He posted an article by someone else, you genius!

                        How's that eyesight going patty?


                        FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
                        By Dave Barry



                        Edit: Holy SHIT!!! Thanks patfromlogan!
                        Last edited by PizDoff; 10/25/2003 12:14pm, .
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                        Comment


                          #13
                          Dear Mr Pizoff,

                          1. Please put a coma between the words else and genius in order for your sentence to make sense. Also a ' after how would be welcome.

                          2. I was writing about the title posted; once I started reading it was too late.

                          3. Are you sometimes humor impaired?

                          4. I don't use my glasses sparring or on the computer.

                          Yours, Patrick Easterling
                          "Preparing mentally, the most important thing is, if you aren't doing it for the love of it, then don't do it." - Benny Urquidez

                          Comment


                            #14
                            1. Forgot the contraction. How horrid of me!

                            2. It is cold in the winter.

                            3. Sometimes? Always!

                            4. Hmm, I use them on the comp. But not sparring.


                            Tauntingly yours,
                            Last edited by PizDoff; 2/23/2007 2:03pm, .
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                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by PizDoff
                              Nice.

                              "FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as
                              grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn
                              into something acceptable to have dinner with."

                              Better censor that one before a certain short rabid female gets here!

                              There you go talking about me behind my back again ;)

                              However, it's too close to the truth to really comment on :p

                              Comment

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