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ATTN: Read my short story + a bonus one

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    ATTN: Read my short story + a bonus one

    Attachment: .zip/.rtf


    This is NOT public domain, you can print it, but not sell it, or post it to any other site without my permission!

    (as if anyone would, but you have to know your copyrights...)

    I wrote this about 2 years ago, and got some good reviews for it, but all the magazines said it wasn't quite their style.. & now I believe that I won't be getting cash for it, so I'm posting it here so at least someone will read it.

    My other work so far is only this, even older crap: http://www.orchardpressmysteries.com/Duality.html
    Attached Files

    #2
    ttt losers and politicians ;)

    Comment


      #3
      first of all, you cannot attach two complete sentances with a coma. Ignoring the grammar, meh. The writing isn't too bad (it flows fairly well, sentance structure changes, word choice vaires and doesn't feel unnatural, although though is used far too often), but the plot is pretty hackneyed. It would probably make a decent comic book if your into that kinda thing.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by DJeter1234
        first of all, you cannot attach two complete sentances with a coma. Ignoring the grammar, meh. The writing isn't too bad (it flows fairly well, sentance structure changes, word choice vaires and doesn't feel unnatural, although though is used far too often), but the plot is pretty hackneyed. It would probably make a decent comic book if your into that kinda thing.
        Hey I told you it was old... though; yes you can ;)... It depends.

        But yeah, that's basically the feedback I got for it before; would make a good movie or a comic book, but doesn't quite work as a story.

        Thanks for reading, though. & I want feedback so I know what to improve.

        Comment


          #5
          learn how to write.

          Comment


            #6
            I read the first paragraph. Every sentence needs reworking. Revise it and I'll give it another shot.

            Comment


              #7
              Yeah. Didn't get too far either. Shit, if you want me to, I could sit down and do a bit of editing on it.
              I'm not drowning my sorrows, I'm preserving them in alcohol.

              Comment


                #8
                Nearly a year on, he probably doesn't care.
                Mr Politically Correct GIJoe6186:
                Fat people disgust me in every way imaginable. I was at Freindly's with my girl tonight and saw a bunch of fat fuckers. I felt sorry for the pavement they were killing and the people who had to see them. .

                Comment


                  #9
                  Meh. It's damn easy to miss those post dates. Doesn't help when the thread is so short as well.
                  I'm not drowning my sorrows, I'm preserving them in alcohol.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    How did this teleport here?

                    Well, READ it anyway, if it works from that link.

                    & yes I can write better now ;)...

                    (And no I don't trust your editing.)

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