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C.A.L.M. (are you austere enough?)

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    C.A.L.M. (are you austere enough?)

    I feel like the general Bullshido populace is ready for the message I have come to bring....
    C.A.L.M.
    do you measure up?
    Can you commit to a lifetime of doing pretty much whatever you want?
    Do you like Dogs?
    oh I hope so...We here at the Clan of the Angry Lazer Monkey
    want YOU to join our privledged ranks. We are a psuedo religious oragnization followoing three very clearcut and easy to follow baking instructions.
    1. You must like Dogs regardless of size, breed , or demenor.
    2. You must occasionally and when it makes you feel particularly benevolent, feed the ants or other suitable small creature.
    3. You must unconditionally love an inanimate object such as your car or a rock.

    True believers gather under the sign of the sacred banana and sing the sacred verses..."gabba gabba hey"
    Join us and forever romp with your canine companions in the construcution site of eternity.
    Last edited by JBliss; 4/16/2004 1:03am, .
    Secret moves such as hitting a thing with your hand and hitting a thing with your leg have been stolen and degenerated by arts like karate, boxing, muay-thai, Kung-fu, and basketball. -Epicurious

    I for one welcome our new Ninja overlords.
    -Whiteshark

    I figure fighting a group of chunners would be like water torture, its not the force as such, just the constant trickle of chain punches wearing down your sanity. -The Juggernoob

    #2
    I don't consider it to be particularly clever or funny to mock alternative worldviews. It may be satisfying to view such a pastiche of views with jocularity or smug amusement, but in truth, even your satirical ethos is more honorable and profound than the American one, riddled like a cheap Roquefort with Mammon-worship, and the apotheosis of violence.

    Comment


      #3
      Fascinating, Cpt. it appears intelligent and yet sensors show no signs of cranial matter.

      J/K

      Sadly I am ineligable for your great religion. I despise all dogs under 30lbs and believe they must undergo surgery to become cats.

      edit: Thanks for that Gelid, I needed a certain reassurance that the rest of the world holds us in the lowest regard and would sooner see us shining their boots than anything else. You've reafirmed my committment to violence and mammon worship.

      Kudos.
      Last edited by Stick; 4/16/2004 1:16am, .

      Comment


        #4
        i always wanted to join a clan...

        Comment


          #5
          Fuck Jello Jiggly in His jello jiggly ASS

          It's not supposed to be particularly clever OR funny
          It's a real cult...er religion Chauncy
          get onboard while memberships free
          *note to consumers
          C.A.L.M. is a licensed distibutor of the OMEGA ULTIMATE COMBAT SYSTEM
          instructed by Grandmaster "Legless" Gerry Statler
          sign up today for your introductory eye gouge class.

          Last edited by JBliss; 4/16/2004 1:26am, .
          Secret moves such as hitting a thing with your hand and hitting a thing with your leg have been stolen and degenerated by arts like karate, boxing, muay-thai, Kung-fu, and basketball. -Epicurious

          I for one welcome our new Ninja overlords.
          -Whiteshark

          I figure fighting a group of chunners would be like water torture, its not the force as such, just the constant trickle of chain punches wearing down your sanity. -The Juggernoob

          Comment


            #6
            What does C.A.L.M. stand for?

            Comment


              #7
              Clan of the Angry Lazer Monkey.

              Also, Brand..... again your avatar makes my pants too small >_<

              Bastard, I salute you!

              Comment


                #8
                Brand, that was the one scene worth seeing in that god forsaken movie.

                *Makes sign of the Sacred Bannana*

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Dai-Tenshi
                  Sadly I am ineligable for your great religion. I despise all dogs under 30lbs and believe they must undergo surgery to become cats.
                  Blasphemer! Daschhunds are lovely pets, and the Prophet Himself shall come to us in the guise of a Short Legged Barker, so say the Scriptures!

                  I still miss my daschhund. RIP old boy.

                  You've reafirmed my committment to violence and mammon worship.
                  Voting republican this year, are we...?
                  That civilisation may not sink,
                  Its great battle lost,
                  Quiet the dog, tether the pony
                  To a distant post;
                  Our master Caesar is in the tent
                  Where the maps are spread,
                  His eyes fixed upon nothing,
                  A hand under his head.


                  - W.B. Yeats

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Dai-Tenshi

                    edit: Thanks for that Gelid, I needed a certain reassurance that the rest of the world holds us in the lowest regard and would sooner see us shining their boots than anything else. You've reafirmed my committment to violence and mammon worship.

                    Kudos.
                    The extent of your xenophobia is truly astonishing. Of course, any criticism of the United States must certainly come from a denizen of "Old Europe". You are drowning, along with the rest of the country, in the muck of racio-nationalistic fascism that has risen here in the last few years. I happen to be a citizen of the United States. In fact, I am a direct descendant of some of the original families.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Gelid Light
                      The extent of your xenophobia is truly astonishing. Of course, any criticism of the United States must certainly come from a denizen of "Old Europe". You are drowning, along with the rest of the country, in the muck of racio-nationalistic fascism that has risen here in the last few years. I happen to be a citizen of the United States. In fact, I am a direct descendant of some of the original families.
                      if i wasn't 100% sure your real name was trolly mctrollster i'd use the internet to figure out a way to e-punch you in the virtual ding-dong.
                      Originally posted by Hedgehogey
                      FORM AN ACROBATIC BRIDGE ACROSS OMEGA'S GOOCH
                      Originally posted by Kidspatula
                      Bleep bleep blip bloop

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by bad news hughes
                        if i wasn't 100% sure your real name was trolly mctrollster i'd use the internet to figure out a way to e-punch you in the virtual ding-dong.
                        ?
                        That civilisation may not sink,
                        Its great battle lost,
                        Quiet the dog, tether the pony
                        To a distant post;
                        Our master Caesar is in the tent
                        Where the maps are spread,
                        His eyes fixed upon nothing,
                        A hand under his head.


                        - W.B. Yeats

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Gelid Light
                          The extent of your xenophobia is truly astonishing. Of course, any criticism of the United States must certainly come from a denizen of "Old Europe". You are drowning, along with the rest of the country, in the muck of racio-nationalistic fascism that has risen here in the last few years. I happen to be a citizen of the United States. In fact, I am a direct descendant of some of the original families.
                          Wow, good for you, s am I and descent doesn't mean a damn bit of anything.

                          I grew up all over the fucking world, if my world view is one of violence, blame the world.

                          G'night

                          edit: yeah, he is something of a super troll, thanks for pointing that out to me in my drunken state.

                          Correction, my xenophobic (yet haveing lived over 4 years outside the US) state.
                          Last edited by Stick; 4/16/2004 1:34pm, .

                          Comment


                            #14
                            The Lau that can be spoken is not the true Lau

                            I want to officially state that this thread is the brain child of J-lau adapted for the internet by his personal assistant and chief of religious operations and media...me. So when you say...this thread is weird or ...bliss is trying too hard remember I am on the IR list and the Lau threatened to flying cock lock me if I didn't go along with his devious plan to enslave the members of bullshido....and the WORLD!!!!
                            Last edited by JBliss; 4/16/2004 3:02pm, .
                            Secret moves such as hitting a thing with your hand and hitting a thing with your leg have been stolen and degenerated by arts like karate, boxing, muay-thai, Kung-fu, and basketball. -Epicurious

                            I for one welcome our new Ninja overlords.
                            -Whiteshark

                            I figure fighting a group of chunners would be like water torture, its not the force as such, just the constant trickle of chain punches wearing down your sanity. -The Juggernoob

                            Comment


                              #15
                              "I despise all dogs under 30lbs and believe they must undergo surgery to become cats."

                              or rats. small dogs suck, they are way too needy and suspicious of people who they don't know

                              Comment

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