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    How to be a Boss

    Okay, this is a public service for my fellow bullies. Based on the lamentations in the OWS thread it sounds like a lot of you are struggling. I'm certainly no Bill Gates, but I think I can offer some advice to help those who are down on dey luck become more prosperous. Some rules to live by in the workplace (in no particular order):

    *Get the best education you can afford. Go to the best school you can get accepted to. Don't get a degree from Phoenix online because you don't want to fuck with sending out 20 applications to real schools. School reputation is important.

    *Be smart when you choose your major. Some people will major in Art History and become millionaires. That person is not you. Do your research and go into a field where people consistently take their degrees and make the type of living you're happy with.

    *If you need additional certificates, advanced degrees, etc. to succeed in your field be prepared to get them.

    *Be able to sell yourself. People fail here in interviews all the time. I work on projects regularly with a woman who is a workhorse and knows everything there is to know about our business. She can do 80% of the work on the project and I may do 20%. In an interview I can speak intelligently and confidently about what I contributed to the team without lying. She can't although she may have done the lion's share of work. Fail.

    *Working hard isn't everything. It's more important to work smart. Work especially hard where it counts. Work hard to get an education. When it's time for a move, work hard to get a job that gives you a huge pay increase over your current position instead of settling for a $5K jump. Work hard when you're given opportunities to prove yourself in high profile areas. Never be a drain on your company. Always get your work done, but remember - strategy is key and you work for you and your family, not some company.

    *Don't have any goddamn typos on your resume. That shit will get filed right in the trashcan.

    *Don't dress like a slob. Not in the interview. Not at work. Never.

    *Be drama free at work. Managers fucking hate people who cause problems because their coworker can smell their ass stinking or they're on the phone all day or whatever.

    *If you can smell your coworker's ass stinking, handle it some other way than whining to your boss. Your boss doesn't give a shit and you just seem petty and childlike when you complain about crap like that.

    *Don't make your boss hate you. I know many of you are strong willed and independent and the world can suck your dick. I get it. But this is suicide at work. I see this all the time where I work because it's a huge company, employees are well protected by HR and legal. They know it and they have an entitlement attitude. They'll push things as far as they can and try to game the system. But that doesn't keep their boss from fucking them with the heaviest workloads, shittiest projects, least opportunities to do cool shit......

    *Personal demeanor is in the top 5% of shit you should concern yourself with. In the military, we called it military bearing. For those of you who don't know, this basically means keeping your composure. Being tactful and professional. When your boss asks you to work late you don't huff and roll your eyes. When your boss says you can go home early, you don't yell "Whew!!!! Fuck yeah!!! Outta this motherfucker!!!!!" You take good news and bad news the same way - calmly and professionally. You don't have to be a statue, but don't put your emotions on display like a float at the Christmas parade.

    *Don't settle for being comfortable. This is a huge pitfall. You get a job that is okay. After a while, you wish you made more money but you really don't want to go through the process of learning a new job. It's such a hassle. You like the people you work with, blah, blah, blah. Harden the fuck up and make the change. Trust me, you will suffer some when you do it the hard way, but the long-term rewards will outweigh the costs 100 to 1.

    *Don't drive a shitheap of a car if you can help it. If you're in a professional environment, you'll eventually want to take people to lunch or drive someone to pick up their car from the mechanic or something. It makes you look bad.

    *Don't cry at work. Some people do this. It is bad.

    *Your long-term goals should dictate where you focus your energy. If you feel like your future is with your current company, go the extra mile to build a reputation as a go-to person. If you know your current company is just a stepping stone, do a good job but focus your energy on whatever you know will get you to that next step, but either way.......

    *Don't burn bridges. If you progress in your career, the most valuable thing you can ever get out of your current job is a positive reference from a shot caller within that company. Don't fuck this up by falling asleep at work and watching porn on the job.

    *Be concise when you speak. If there is a problem, summarize it the best you can, present it in a way people understand, be prepared to OFFER SOLUTIONS and when you're done, shut the fuck up. Ramblers waste time and money.

    *Understand opportunities may not always jump up and smack you in the face. Be flexible and consider doing things you hadn't planned to do. For instance, if you want to progress in your career you may have to move halfway across the country to make it happen. If you're not flexible like that, fine. But don't whine when you have to settle for a job you think is beneath you.

    *Be patient. I'm fortunate enough to work for a huge company where opportunities are plentiful. I know this because I've worked for small companies where opportunities were not plentiful. The problem is a lot of people still think there aren't enough opportunities just because they have nothing to compare it to. They think they should be able to work in their job for a year and move on to bigger and better things. It usually doesn't work this way. Get a clue.

    *Be resilient. Sometimes things don't go as planned. Sometimes people lose their jobs. If you've got your shit in order you'll probably bounce back rather quickly. Don't go hanging yourself in a broom closet. The worst case scenario is poverty and poverty's really not all that big a deal.

    *Have a positive attitude. People want to hire and work with people they enjoy being around. They want to hire people who fit in with the group. Try smiling once or twice a week. If you're miserable and hate life, fake it at work. It's in your best interest. Consider it part of the job.

    *As you advance in your career, you'll probably get bigger jumps in pay by switching companies. Interviewing with a new company is the time to aim big. Your current company knows exactly what you earn. They know all your weaknesses. They want to pay you the least amount they can to keep you. So does the new company, but they're more likely to pay what you're worth and this will be your best opportunity to negotiate.

    *Work is not the place to express your individuality. I don't care if you're gay, or a tea partier, or a nazi or a hippie. I don't care if you have a flare for fashion and just LOVE pink boots. I don't care if you wear a bone in your nose when you're at home. Work is not the place for it. At work, you should conform even if your employer doesn't mandate it.

    This is just a start. There's more but I'm tired of typing for the moment. Take my advice or not, I don't give a shit. But you'll be better off if you do. Maybe it will help you avoid having your house foreclosed on when you're 103.

    #2
    Originally posted by devil View Post
    Okay, this is a public service for my fellow bullies. Based on the lamentations in the OWS thread it sounds like a lot of you are struggling. I'm certainly no Bill Gates, but I think I can offer some advice to help those who are down on dey luck become more prosperous. Some rules to live by in the workplace (in no particular order):

    *Get the best education you can afford. Go to the best school you can get accepted to. Don't get a degree from Phoenix online because you don't want to fuck with sending out 20 applications to real schools. School reputation is important.

    *Be smart when you choose your major. Some people will major in Art History and become millionaires. That person is not you. Do your research and go into a field where people consistently take their degrees and make the type of living you're happy with.

    *If you need additional certificates, advanced degrees, etc. to succeed in your field be prepared to get them.

    *Be able to sell yourself. People fail here in interviews all the time. I work on projects regularly with a woman who is a workhorse and knows everything there is to know about our business. She can do 80% of the work on the project and I may do 20%. In an interview I can speak intelligently and confidently about what I contributed to the team without lying. She can't although she may have done the lion's share of work. Fail.

    *Working hard isn't everything. It's more important to work smart. Work especially hard where it counts. Work hard to get an education. When it's time for a move, work hard to get a job that gives you a huge pay increase over your current position instead of settling for a $5K jump. Work hard when you're given opportunities to prove yourself in high profile areas. Never be a drain on your company. Always get your work done, but remember - strategy is key and you work for you and your family, not some company.

    *Don't have any goddamn typos on your resume. That shit will get filed right in the trashcan.

    *Don't dress like a slob. Not in the interview. Not at work. Never.

    *Be drama free at work. Managers fucking hate people who cause problems because their coworker can smell their ass stinking or they're on the phone all day or whatever.

    *If you can smell your coworker's ass stinking, handle it some other way than whining to your boss. Your boss doesn't give a shit and you just seem petty and childlike when you complain about crap like that.

    *Don't make your boss hate you. I know many of you are strong willed and independent and the world can suck your dick. I get it. But this is suicide at work. I see this all the time where I work because it's a huge company, employees are well protected by HR and legal. They know it and they have an entitlement attitude. They'll push things as far as they can and try to game the system. But that doesn't keep their boss from fucking them with the heaviest workloads, shittiest projects, least opportunities to do cool shit......

    *Personal demeanor is in the top 5% of shit you should concern yourself with. In the military, we called it military bearing. For those of you who don't know, this basically means keeping your composure. Being tactful and professional. When your boss asks you to work late you don't huff and roll your eyes. When your boss says you can go home early, you don't yell "Whew!!!! Fuck yeah!!! Outta this motherfucker!!!!!" You take good news and bad news the same way - calmly and professionally. You don't have to be a statue, but don't put your emotions on display like a float at the Christmas parade.

    *Don't settle for being comfortable. This is a huge pitfall. You get a job that is okay. After a while, you wish you made more money but you really don't want to go through the process of learning a new job. It's such a hassle. You like the people you work with, blah, blah, blah. Harden the fuck up and make the change. Trust me, you will suffer some when you do it the hard way, but the long-term rewards will outweigh the costs 100 to 1.

    *Don't drive a shitheap of a car if you can help it. If you're in a professional environment, you'll eventually want to take people to lunch or drive someone to pick up their car from the mechanic or something. It makes you look bad.

    *Don't cry at work. Some people do this. It is bad.

    *Your long-term goals should dictate where you focus your energy. If you feel like your future is with your current company, go the extra mile to build a reputation as a go-to person. If you know your current company is just a stepping stone, do a good job but focus your energy on whatever you know will get you to that next step, but either way.......

    *Don't burn bridges. If you progress in your career, the most valuable thing you can ever get out of your current job is a positive reference from a shot caller within that company. Don't fuck this up by falling asleep at work and watching porn on the job.

    *Be concise when you speak. If there is a problem, summarize it the best you can, present it in a way people understand, be prepared to OFFER SOLUTIONS and when you're done, shut the fuck up. Ramblers waste time and money.

    *Understand opportunities may not always jump up and smack you in the face. Be flexible and consider doing things you hadn't planned to do. For instance, if you want to progress in your career you may have to move halfway across the country to make it happen. If you're not flexible like that, fine. But don't whine when you have to settle for a job you think is beneath you.

    *Be patient. I'm fortunate enough to work for a huge company where opportunities are plentiful. I know this because I've worked for small companies where opportunities were not plentiful. The problem is a lot of people still think there aren't enough opportunities just because they have nothing to compare it to. They think they should be able to work in their job for a year and move on to bigger and better things. It usually doesn't work this way. Get a clue.

    *Be resilient. Sometimes things don't go as planned. Sometimes people lose their jobs. If you've got your shit in order you'll probably bounce back rather quickly. Don't go hanging yourself in a broom closet. The worst case scenario is poverty and poverty's really not all that big a deal.

    *Have a positive attitude. People want to hire and work with people they enjoy being around. They want to hire people who fit in with the group. Try smiling once or twice a week. If you're miserable and hate life, fake it at work. It's in your best interest. Consider it part of the job.

    *As you advance in your career, you'll probably get bigger jumps in pay by switching companies. Interviewing with a new company is the time to aim big. Your current company knows exactly what you earn. They know all your weaknesses. They want to pay you the least amount they can to keep you. So does the new company, but they're more likely to pay what you're worth and this will be your best opportunity to negotiate.

    *Work is not the place to express your individuality. I don't care if you're gay, or a tea partier, or a nazi or a hippie. I don't care if you have a flare for fashion and just LOVE pink boots. I don't care if you wear a bone in your nose when you're at home. Work is not the place for it. At work, you should conform even if your employer doesn't mandate it.

    This is just a start. There's more but I'm tired of typing for the moment. Take my advice or not, I don't give a shit. But you'll be better off if you do. Maybe it will help you avoid having your house foreclosed on when you're 103.
    Hey! What the fuck do you know. You're just the Devil!

    Comment


      #3
      But I wear Prada, so your argument is invalid.

      Comment


        #4
        I really should clean all the junk out of my car...

        Devil, what exactly do you do?

        Comment


          #5
          Actually more life stuff in here than just work.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Permalost View Post
            I really should clean all the junk out of my car...

            Devil, what exactly do you do?
            Finance, people management, that type of shit. Nothing special

            Comment


              #7
              Not sure if this belongs in another thread....Do you have any advice on how to answer those annoying interview questions and what I can do to stand out in an interview?

              Examples of the annoying questions:

              What is you best quality?
              What are you most proud of?
              What is your worst quality?
              Describe one time you blew it.

              I figure I should just try to relate the answers to work related issues. However, I'm looking to enter the medical field as a recently licensed radiation therapist, I have no experience other than school clinicals and I assume i'll be competing with other experienced people.

              Comment


                #8
                Dear poster, how do I be the boss? I was hoping to get information in that regard, rather than information on how to be an obnoxious, backstabbing employee.
                http://woodwardswhiskey.wordpress.com/

                He was punching him like the collective karmic debt he'd accrued was coming to collections, mostly on his face.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by devil View Post
                  Finance, people management, that type of shit. Nothing special
                  What industry are you in/ do you service?
                  2018 Male Purple Belt Adult No Gi
                  #2 Ranked Competitor - QBJJC

                  Comment


                    #10
                    It certainly is all about working hard and smart. I worked hard for the wrong people for too long. Now I work hard, smart and or the right people and I'm having a blast.
                    Ne Obliviscaris

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by cualltaigh View Post
                      What industry are you in/ do you service?
                      Medical devices.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by jspeedy View Post
                        Not sure if this belongs in another thread....Do you have any advice on how to answer those annoying interview questions and what I can do to stand out in an interview?

                        Examples of the annoying questions:

                        What is you best quality?
                        What are you most proud of?
                        What is your worst quality?
                        Describe one time you blew it.

                        I figure I should just try to relate the answers to work related issues. However, I'm looking to enter the medical field as a recently licensed radiation therapist, I have no experience other than school clinicals and I assume i'll be competing with other experienced people.
                        The interview questions I use are behavioral questions. Tell us about a time you did this. Tell us about a time you did that. Tell us about a time when something went to shit. Tell us this or that about yourself. Basically, the kinds of questions you're describing.

                        Here's how to prepare for that: Get online and search for a list of behavioral interview questions. You'll find tons. Get a list of 100 or so you can work with. Read them and think about how you would answer.

                        What you'll find is that there may be 100 or 500 or 1000 questions, but they're all really just different ways of asking a handful of things. When you practice this way, you'll start to see that. It will also force you to think about specific situations you've encountered. With a few hours of practice you'll have an answer ready for almost any question you can be asked.

                        You've asked a good question. I prepared exactly like that for my current position because I knew my company asked those types of questions. I knocked it out of the park and it's the main reason I'm sitting where I am now.

                        There are two critical things with these types of questions. You want to be confident and you want your answer to be conversational and not sound rehearsed. Practicing like I said will help with this because instead of memorizing questions you'll start thinking about the actual things you want to talk about.

                        Second, the main area where people shit the bed is by not providing detail. Don't give vague answers like "if that happened to me I'd do this". They want you to tell them a story about a specific situation you've encountered. Keep in mind if you're interviewing with a larger organization, there's pressure for them to be fair. Hiring managers often have to justify their hiring choices. So even if they like you they may not be able to hire them if you don't give them enough specifics they can point to as to why you should be hired.

                        Ordinarily you want to give business related examples. If you're fresh out of college or whatever, they'll understand. Talk about whatever you think is relevant in that case. Don't have anything on your resume you can't talk about. You can word things to show your experience in the best light, but don't bullshit and have to cover it with a lie in the interview. It will go poorly for you.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by jubei33 View Post
                          Dear poster, how do I be the boss? I was hoping to get information in that regard, rather than information on how to be an obnoxious, backstabbing employee.
                          Hire somebody to do your work for you.
                          Being correct on the Internet is orders of magnitude easier than being correct in the Universe. Perhaps we should all concentrate more on the latter...

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by devil View Post
                            The interview questions I use are behavioral questions. Tell us about a time you did this. Tell us about a time you did that. Tell us about a time when something went to shit. Tell us this or that about yourself. Basically, the kinds of questions you're describing.

                            Here's how to prepare for that: Get online and search for a list of behavioral interview questions. You'll find tons. Get a list of 100 or so you can work with. Read them and think about how you would answer.

                            What you'll find is that there may be 100 or 500 or 1000 questions, but they're all really just different ways of asking a handful of things. When you practice this way, you'll start to see that. It will also force you to think about specific situations you've encountered. With a few hours of practice you'll have an answer ready for almost any question you can be asked.

                            You've asked a good question. I prepared exactly like that for my current position because I knew my company asked those types of questions. I knocked it out of the park and it's the main reason I'm sitting where I am now.

                            There are two critical things with these types of questions. You want to be confident and you want your answer to be conversational and not sound rehearsed. Practicing like I said will help with this because instead of memorizing questions you'll start thinking about the actual things you want to talk about.

                            Second, the main area where people shit the bed is by not providing detail. Don't give vague answers like "if that happened to me I'd do this". They want you to tell them a story about a specific situation you've encountered. Keep in mind if you're interviewing with a larger organization, there's pressure for them to be fair. Hiring managers often have to justify their hiring choices. So even if they like you they may not be able to hire them if you don't give them enough specifics they can point to as to why you should be hired.

                            Ordinarily you want to give business related examples. If you're fresh out of college or whatever, they'll understand. Talk about whatever you think is relevant in that case. Don't have anything on your resume you can't talk about. You can word things to show your experience in the best light, but don't bullshit and have to cover it with a lie in the interview. It will go poorly for you.
                            So do you think referencing my experience as a waiter or electrician and relating it to the question would be acceptable?

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by jubei33 View Post
                              Dear poster, how do I be the boss? I was hoping to get information in that regard, rather than information on how to be an obnoxious, backstabbing employee.
                              I'm not sure what you could construe as backstabbing from my post. Rereading it, the only thing I could see that might be taken that way is the comment about doing 20% of the project load and someone else doing 80%. For the record, the person I'm referring to works for me and it is her job to do the 80%. It has nothing to do with me not carrying my weight.

                              When I said "How to be a Boss" I meant it in the slang sense, like this: (Like a Boss - The act of doing something as a boss would do.)

                              If you want a more serious answer to "How to be THE Boss", it's simple. First, almost everyone has a boss and is therefore an employee to someone. If you want to be a boss, succeed as an employee and look for your opportunities to advance. If you want to be THE boss, invent something cool or identify a need in the marketplace you can fill. Congratulations, you're an entrepreneur! All the money and all the problems are yours. You're THE BOSS.

                              Comment

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