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BudoMonkey
1/19/2010 11:26pm,
Okay, so...my dick is named Harry Potter now. Because Harry Potter has a scar on his head, you see.

I wish there was a campfire here and that we were all kinda sitting around with the dark watching woods to our backs, closing in on us, the branches swaying and creaking with the wind, seeming to mutter and groan.

"Cuuuuupppp, alwwwaaayys weeaaar a ccuuuuuup."

That's what the trees would say, because the trees are wise. They have been around for a long time and seen alot and many different generations of owls have nested in them so I'd think they' have learned a thing or two. I'm just kidding though, trees can't talk. I'm taking you out of the story, sorry.

So- I'm in the gym. Not my MMA gym mind you but just my regular little weightlifting gym, and it's the kind that's sorta nice and cozy and local with a friendly ambiance not a big fancy one wear everyone wears lycra. Im in there, lifting boulders and stuff because Im a badass like that, waiting for my friends to come and wrestle on some mats. I am going to teach this kid from the gym who plays world of warcraft too much some wrestling moves with the help of some ju jitsu buddies. He has only done tae dwon do. It is a monday.

Long story short, I tap people out, using my athleticism and tenacity to make up for what I lack in skill and I show em some stuff. All is going well. World of Warcraft kid- Let's call him Wally, it's my turn to roll with him. All is still going well, I take his back, start to choke him but let off, Im helping him and giving him advice on escaping, and eventually I let him out. He spins and goes to jump on top of me. I wait, to pull guard and sweep him.

That's when my dick got the name harry potter. He fell. Knee to dick. No cup. Blood. Well, I didnt know there was blood right away. It just hurt alot, so I pushed him off and went "AAERGHHMOTHA FUGGGHHHHHUUUU" or something like that, then I got over it and I was standing around and joking like no big deal, then 10 minutes pass and I go to the bathroom, to check, just to make sure. Yeeeaaa-
My dick looked like a pez dispenser.

Just gushing blood. My dick look liked Diego Sanchez's head after the penn fight. The amount of blood was surreal. This was interesting because as a guy most of the time you get hit in the dick you are just thankful it wasnt your balls, you are like "Hey, at least my dick blocked my balls!!" but apparently they can be cut too and and it's really scary and they bleed alot when they do. Always wear a cup. Listen to the trees.

Anyhow, it's healing rather nicely, surprisingly. It's healing like Im goddamn wolverine actually, and it's definetely gonna scar (for sure) but Im holding out hope that it will eventually leave a really gnarly super awesome scar that will maybe function as like the ribs on a ribbed condom. Do you think that's possible?

A man can hope.

Lily
1/19/2010 11:34pm,
Ewww. Who knew it could bleed so easily (evolution-->male menstruation-->you can gestate a foetus?!!1).

Hope there's no real damage anyhow and stop teaching spazoids MA in a regular gym.

Demon Eyes
1/19/2010 11:44pm,
So, since you got cut on the dick of all places, did the kid level up?

In all seriousness though, ouch. I'd probably pass out if I saw my dick bleed like you just described. I have no problem with blood just harm coming to my genitals. That kid better offer you a potion the next time you guys meet up.

Jcbal93
1/20/2010 12:03am,
Really? Like Diego Sanchez's forehead...? That must have really hurt man. But look on the bright side , maybe the scar will give Harry Potter magic or some thing like that. Then you will be able to tap out that WoW kid with a " Fire Armbar " or something like that.

75ehwtcv
1/20/2010 2:40am,
LOL.... dude...that sucks, i had a similar bad accident although there was no blood...

Me and my friends where doing some mma practice at the local gym after class... Now my friend Gordie is 2 inches shorter than me, but makes up for it by being 180 pounds (30 pounds more)... now Gordie does MMA, but EXCELS (like he is amazingly good) at the MT... And when i say that i mean the clinch...specifically knees... so Gordie goes grabs my head (i tried to bait him to get a TD) and firmly clinches... As he shoots his leg back and leans down to get power into his body shot, i see the openning and come shooting in for the single thats just waiting there... I didnt get the single... but 180 pounds of muscle coupled with the force of 150 pounds of me coming down with the VERY tip of the knee striking me in the balls.... I was lifted off my feet 6 inches (mmy friend told me after peeing himself laughing) and landing on my face... I was in soo much pain i vomitted, cried, and shook for the next 10 min... its been a week and a half, my balls are still blue, i cant sit down properly, and it hurts to walk....

ALWAYS WEAR A CUP!!!!

Kuma
1/20/2010 8:13am,
I believe the normal response in this situation is "pics/vids or it didn't happen."

But I'm good. I'm prepared to take this one on faith.

Uglybugly
1/20/2010 8:46am,
I injured myself in the same area once.

I was doing a girl with really long fingernails while she was fingering herself. I accidentally pulled my penor slightly to fare out and trusted it right onto her nails. damn painfull. funny thing is that it stopped bleeding after 30 seconds. didn't leave a scare or anything.

Where did you get the cut? on the side or on the head?

BudoMonkey
1/20/2010 1:45pm,
Where did you get the cut? on the side or on the head?

It is an approx 1" open laceration horizontally across the ventral side of the shaft, proximal to the base.

It woulda been cool if I got cut the long way though it'd be like a racing stripe

permahudef
1/20/2010 2:16pm,
That sucks man, thanks for the story.
lol @ "racing ([email protected]"racing) stripe"

OiScout
1/20/2010 3:18pm,
Well I learned something new today. I did not know dicks could get cut like that.

superninjagod
1/20/2010 3:38pm,
It is an approx 1" open laceration horizontally across the ventral side of the shaft, proximal to the base.

It woulda been cool if I got cut the long way though it'd be like a racing stripe

You are more likely to get "ribbing" action if it is horizontal though. She might not notice the vertical slash.

Anyway, I just got tagged really good in BJJ recently (hopping a butterfly guard and tripped and landed on his knee). It makes me mad cause in Ontario Canada they just banned groin protectors in competition because some people were buying the really hard hockey kind and hurting people with them

Uglybugly
1/21/2010 3:59am,
It is an approx 1" open laceration horizontally across the ventral side of the shaft, proximal to the base.

It woulda been cool if I got cut the long way though it'd be like a racing stripe

It is good that you take this with a smile :) I totally wussed out when I recived my injury :S


It makes me mad cause in Ontario Canada they just banned groin protectors in competition because some people were buying the really hard hockey kind and hurting people with them

this is just so wrong on so many levels. Do they actually check if you have protection on?

Bohemian Nights
1/21/2010 8:33am,
They've dropped the cup in many grappling competitions. I think some BJJ federation rules outlaw cups entirely, too.
I guess the reasoning is that a cup makes armbars and such much more dangerous, and that it's easier to snap someone's joint over a hard plastic surface than it is over your hip or groin. Unless you're sporting a steel erection at the time.

Uglybugly
1/21/2010 12:42pm,
but our groin still needs protection. I haven't competed in grappling yet. I only got like 10 months of hobby judo and some other crotty arts in my backpack

superninjagod
1/21/2010 7:43pm,
this is just so wrong on so many levels. Do they actually check if you have protection on?

Probably nobody is going to grab your crotch but if you tap a guy with an arm bar or your cup grinds someone shin as he throws in a butterfly hook then if the other guy complains you could theoretically be disqualified

permahudef
1/22/2010 11:44am,
this is just so wrong on so many levels. Do they actually check if you have protection on?They grab a long boot-sized shoehorn and 'cupcheck' everyone with a good, hearty swing at the groin. It's currently the ONLY internationally accepted hands-free method to determine if someone is wearing a cup.