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Cannon_6
4/10/2009 8:08am,
This ad was posted on Craigslist in NYC:

Central Casting is looking for kids ages 5-12 for the Angelina Jolie film "SALT". We are not looking for beginners. Must have intermediate or expert level in the martial arts. We will be holding auditions this Saturday 4/11. When sending us a picture please include the age of the child along with a summary of their experience in martial arts. We will contact you sometime Friday if your child is right for the audition.

I would love to be present at the auditions, to hear all the "Kiii-Aiii"s and "Hiii-Yah"s, and to witness countless boards splintered before my very eyes.

Anyone have a kid I can borrow?

omoplatypus
4/10/2009 8:31am,
baby sit for somebody and then spend the weekend teaching the kid MT. fluff his resume, buy him some jammies and a black belt, and take him to the audition.

one weekend of MT lessons > kiddy krotty.

EDIT: also make sure you buy him a black belt cert from ashida kim. the black dragon fighting society blackbelt in ninjitsu will be hella impressive to the good people at the casting call.

foxd
4/10/2009 8:52am,
Somebody's gotta take one of their junior jits students to this. The sheer hilarity of them breaking expectations by demonstrating their skill by taking down one of the krotty students and armbarring demands it.

omoplatypus
4/10/2009 8:57am,
just make sure to buy them black belt jammies with all the patches and everything.

oh, and get some iron on letters too. that way you can put "world champion 2008" on the back of the costume.

Matt Phillips
4/10/2009 9:06am,
This ad was posted on Craigslist in NYC:

Central Casting is looking for kids ages 5-12 for the Angelina Jolie film "SALT". We are not looking for beginners. Must have intermediate or expert level in the martial arts. We will be holding auditions this Saturday 4/11. When sending us a picture please include the age of the child along with a summary of their experience in martial arts. We will contact you sometime Friday if your child is right for the audition.

I would love to be present at the auditions, to hear all the "Kiii-Aiii"s and "Hiii-Yah"s, and to witness countless boards splintered before my very eyes.

Anyone have a kid I can borrow?

Sure. He's 5 months past 12, but not too big. We could just lie. I doubt he'd win any prizes for hurricane kicks or the like, but I bet he knocks out every kid in the room.

Cannon_6
4/10/2009 9:17am,
Sure. He's 5 months past 12, but not too big. We could just lie. I doubt he'd win any prizes for hurricane kicks or the like, but I bet he knocks out every kid in the room.

That's all well and good, but how are his screaming katas?

Matt Phillips
4/10/2009 9:30am,
That's all well and good, but how are his screaming katas?
Not so good, unless you count general snottyness while shadowboxing.

KhorneliusPraxx
4/10/2009 9:35am,
KhorneliusPraxx is sad becaue his young'uns are too old to cuddle.

Gbemi
4/10/2009 10:33am,
The sadness is really that, a couple of weeks ago, they actually filmed in St. Barts Church.... Where my (ex) krotty school is located. They shot in the church, and ignored the little karate school in the basement where your dear old Gbemi had been waiting patiently, performing kata with a motivation unknown to previous karateka of my school.... Angelina. I trained on days where there was no sensei, just me... I did a kata for every letter of her name, then again. I shadow boxed (or shadow- karate'd as the case may be), being careful to only use techniques I was comfortable with, lest Angelina walk in and see a sloppy karate-ka. I'm only a green belt, but in the closet, there was a spare black belt (for senior students that may have forgotten theirs) that I would have shamelessly thrown on for.... Angelina.

But alas, my wife found my temporary move into the dojo suspicious. She wondered how I could pracice so many days without bringing my uniform home to wash. So, on friday, I packed it up, and came home. But as you guessed it, the gods hate me. On Saturday, the day after I scrubbed out the dojo to get that 5 day funk out, she showed up and filmed. And this is her, just mere yards from where I labored most diligently:
http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d122/hot143chocolate/New%20Post/angelina-jolie-arrested.jpg

My faith in karate had died. I left my school, never to return. And thus began the tale of Gbemi, student of BJJ.

3moose1
4/10/2009 10:45am,
Angelina Jolie used to be WAY hotter.

omoplatypus
4/10/2009 11:04am,
Angelina Jolie used to be WAY hotter.

you still wanna touch her boobies though.

Matt Phillips
4/10/2009 11:11am,
you still wanna touch her boobies though.
I'm starting to wonder what you mean by "Shooting" "Cans"

omoplatypus
4/10/2009 12:17pm,
I'm starting to wonder what you mean by "Shooting" "Cans"

avitar tag = i'd rather be shooting beer cans
you imply shooting = touching and cans = boobies

thus, avitar tag really says "i'd rather be touching beer boobies"

you point me to tits filled with beer and i'll do a lot more than touch them.

Gabetuno
4/10/2009 1:17pm,
Ummm, last that I heard, a "beer boob" wasn't something you wanted to suck on, because it was not a boob FILLED with beer, but rather a boob CAUSED by beer:

http://thesynopsis.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/nicholsondm0302_468x436.jpg

omoplatypus
4/10/2009 1:21pm,
**** you gabe. **** you right up the asshole. you just ruined a perfectly good fantasy for me.

**** you you fucking ****.


/seppaku

Ajamil
4/10/2009 2:24pm,
*throws up a little*

Anyway...*wipes mouth*

Who here thinks the best fighter is going to get the acting role? I'm seeing a need either for athletic snotty kid with few speaking roles, or an ultra-flashy baddie of one sort or another to bust through a wall and do a bunch of KIAIII!!!s

As cool as it would be to have your kid go down there and wipe the floor - with all of them (read: doitdoitdoit!), it's probably not going to help them as much as a few acting lessons or natural flair would.

Then again, this could also be the lead-in to the Karate Kid remake everyone knows is coming.