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Hiro Protagonist
9/27/2008 9:26am,
Hi folks,

I am not sure if this is the right place for my whimpering,
but I read some cool stuff over here in the past,
so maybe you have a word of advice for me.

I feel my life has taken a turn lately that is not so good.
- It has to do with MAs, at least remotely, and I wonder if anyone else here had a similar sensation in another moment. However,
it's a bit difficult to explain:

I was nerd as a kid, one of the kind that often got bullied. I live in a small town,
and it took me years to overcome that, and without the martial arts, I wouldn't
have been able to do that.
When I was younger, somebody I love got hurt, and I swore that I would kill anyone
who would do that again.
That's why I started to train martial arts.
To protect my people, and to help others. You know, to do right.

Now, ten years later, now that I am *somebody* in the eyes of others,
I feel like I am loosing control.
I drink too much, I **** around and treat the girls that hook up with me like sluts, and I talk to often and too much,
and I am colder and more calculating to my friends than they would ever deserve.
I do bad things to people, just because I can. It's not my friends, my job, my family,
it is just me relying on that I am now a man grown and can satisfy whatever desire I have.

And that's where I am at a loss - I am behaving like total badass, like a bad person,
and I am damn successful with it. I get the girls, the reputation, the goals I want. Others envy me.
But I am not happy, because I feel the way I have taken has made me brutal and bitter.

And so I wonder, is this just what "growing up" and "getting strong" meant?
- Am I the idiot that doesn't appreciate what he has, again?
Or is it that I am missing something of fundamental importance here?

In all seriousness, I always thought my training would make me a better man than I was.
I don't feel so any more.

I am no drama queen, and I usually don't talk of matters that personal,
let alone on the web, but since so many of you here
are basically what were my role models for all my youth and young adulthood,
I hope someone can give me a good advice.

Thanks,

Rafael

Lebell
9/27/2008 9:43am,
.......................................




You're in Germany right?
Why dont you come over and train with me and my dudes, we'll sort you out if thats what you looking for.

As for being a badass: just dont be an asshole, its that simple.

Vieux Normand
9/27/2008 10:08am,
You're in Germany, right? Just dont be an asshole, it's that simple.

Once again, the impossible is asked.

sochin101
9/27/2008 10:20am,
U NEED 2 GO ON A QUEST 4 A TEACHER 2 BRING YOU BACK IN LINE
http://lolcat.com/images/lolcats/685.jpg

Srsly, though Sparta...

I'm not going to give you a load of platitudes, or ask you to be introspective to see what your problem is... you know what you're problem is:
You're prone to being a dick.
Solution: Stop being a dick.

If you can't stop being a dick, you have to face the possibility that you are actually a dick... a bad person... a shallow worthless douchebag who isn't the person he'd like to be.

Then, once you've accepted that, you can get on with looking forward to a life of flitting from one failure to another, never going home alone but always being lonely.

But, you know, being a cliche isn't all that bad... you never have to wonder what you're going to do next, as your slow road to self-destruction is inevitable, so coast... order your next drink and wait for the next shitty opportunity to spew itself into your lap.

Your posts have never come across as you being a dumbass. I'm guessing that's 'cos you think about what you're going to post?
So, maybe apply that to real life and think about what you're doing to yourself.


Good luck, mate.

Your best hope is that JP and Snake post in here. They're on a roll.

Jeff C.
9/27/2008 10:22am,
This is a cold, calculating board full of assholes and bullies. As you said "...so many of you here are basically what were my role models for all my youth and young adulthood..." - well, I think that is the root of your problem.:icon_comp

Jeff Cook

BaronVonDingDong
9/27/2008 10:23am,
Well done for saying it out loud. If you recognize the problem you're on the way to solving it, and it may mean you're less of an asshole than you think.

You knew it was coming, but... have you considered therapy? It gets a bad rap, especially from tough guys, and finding a good therapist is hard, yet when therapy is done well it can be amazingly valuable... especially when the source of your behavior remains a mystery to you. It could be that you're done acting out because of the bullying you suffered as a child, but are unsure how to operate in the world with the persona you've built up as a specific response to that bullying.

I've sought help from therapists twice for depression - once in my twenties and once in my thirties - and both times the experience was incredible revealing.

Best of luck with it all.... oh, and try drinking less. It's easy to mistake hangover horrors for real problems, and a bit more sobriety will help separate the real from the imagined.

Siniq
9/27/2008 10:25am,
OK, so you're a D-bag and you're blaming MAs for it? No'm just kidding, but to be honest MAs and forums have never been a substitude for a psyciatrist visit.

sochin101
9/27/2008 10:30am,
acting out because of the bullying you suffered as a child, but are unsure how to operate in the world with the persona you've built up as a specific response to that bullying.

Rafael
Or it could be that he's named after the mean ninja turtle...

sochin101
9/27/2008 10:33am,
Also...

The wisdom of a thread like this with "hanging" and "ropes" in the thread title?

TheRuss
9/27/2008 10:36am,
I'm going to willfully assume that this isn't a troll, and I'm also going to assume you're not a sociopath.


In all seriousness, I always thought my training would make me a better man than I was.

This is your problem. Being a good martial artist and being a good person are two different skillsets, and although there are some attributes that could transfer between the two, you can't assume that it'll happen automatically.

Ancedote: Replace "martial artist" with "football player" and "person" with "student". He consistently arrives on time to team meetings and practices, follows the off-season training program, works hard to hone his skills, never cheats or slacks off in a drill, encourages his teammates, etc. A propagandist for sport would say that the attributes he's developing for football - work ethic, punctuality, self-control, leadership... all that stuff will make him a better student.

Except it didn't. Our hero procrastinated, skipped classes and assignments, and generally didn't take responsibility for his learning or the state of groups for groupwork. And he had the mediocre grades to show for it.

Why didn't the attributes transfer from one activity to the other? Well, as near as I can figure, they didn't transfer because he didn't make them transfer.

Establishing tight control over your technique does not automatically lead to tight control over your tongue.
Paying careful attention to your MA teacher vs. paying careful attention to your loved ones.
Putting effort into sparring/matches vs. putting effort into relationships.
You should be getting the idea by now.

Vieux Normand
9/27/2008 10:40am,
Also...

The wisdom of a thread like this with "hanging" and "ropes" in the thread title?

It's noose to me.

kultist
9/27/2008 10:40am,
Shouldn't this be in LL&L with all the other whiney emo threads?

EDIT: no, on second thought it's vaguely martial arts related.

sochin101
9/27/2008 10:42am,
Shouldn't this be in LL&L with all the other whiney emo threads?
He's German... you know their rather unique view on geography and borders...

Marc Spector
9/27/2008 12:18pm,
I think if you punch enough people in the face you'll eventually tire of it and start down the road to redemption. So keep face-punching.

Cy Q. Faunce
9/27/2008 1:19pm,
You're not specific about what you're doing that's so terrible, OP, but by your own account, other people don't seem to be objecting to your conduct. Do they? If they do, why are you not losing any popularity with them?

I have to wonder if your emotional reaction is indicative of any actual wrongdoing. When a person gains self-confidence and maturity, one thing they often do is to pursue their self-interest more vigorously than before. This was something they saw other people do before, and those other people often got opportunities that they themselves did not, so they associate the straightforward pursuit of goals with being mean.

It's not necessarily so. Being moral is not the same as being ineffective.

I'm hesitant to say more until I know more about what's troubling you. You might be better off talking to a therapist. It's no cure-all, but at least they can get you to ask yourself the right questions, and that's important.

Rancid Pantaloons
9/27/2008 1:27pm,
I would talk to a professional about it. I could say so much crap right now.. and I feel dizzy.. and I think it would be a bad idea;) if you feel that this is wrong for you and you have troubles sorting it out on your own then.. Talk to a professional.