View Full Version : Once upon a nooblit night I heart a tale of...

9/10/2008 12:18am,
Greetings Bullshido,

I browsed around the forums for a week or so before deciding to join, and I must say that this is the best consumption of space and time since the invention of Women, PoRn, and slow cooked pork ribs, in that order.

In fact I'm finding that i spend more time here than on other sites now, because, well for one eating stuff, especially barbecue while watching porn is just plain wrong, while bullshido plus nom's is awesome (aside from the food oft coating the screen from laughing)

Anyways, you all know you kick ass, on to me.

I started in MA as a kid, y'know the whole dress up in pajamas once a week, scream as loud as possible, then go home exhausted enough that your parents don't have to deal with you type thing. A year of shotokan taught me these things: having a guard helps, screaming doesn't.

On life went until middle school, where i started getting into fights (where kidz-krotty shouts couldn't save me) Got my head slammed through a trophy case, played a game of king of the hill in which i played the part of the hill, then finally retaliated to the point where I was on a hair trigger.

So... what do my parents do...

At the invitation of a new friend at a new middle school I enroll in a Chuan Fa (kenpo/kempo) school, and I'm not talking about a dojo where the instructor, too fat to go into the stances anymore sits back and soaks up your moolah, no no no.
For an awesome 65 bucks a month I got roughly six hours of cardio/ strength training with an awesome and diverse group, a half hour private lesson with an instructor each week, and another hour or so of story time and political talk with the head instructor who is an officer of the law, who shared his experiences and insight on the psychology of aggression and conflict with us. On that note I recommend a book called "Meditations on Violence" at your local Barnes n Nobles, read it, now.

Oddly enough I haven't been in a real fight since joining them, aside form a couple scuffles, nearly all of which i laugh at, and will share later.

I was with them about two years total, not including breaks from moving further out of town and physical therapy for a bum shoulder, since then the school closed for financial and internal reasons, and theres no trace of it on the net aside from some old yellowpages records, so a dojo review at this point is pointless.

Obviously purely striking arts have their holes (we had some joint locks and throws but no ground work) so during my senior year in high school I went with a good friend to his Japo JJ class. I learned some good throws and techniques, but because the class was paired with a young champions class (shudder all ye who read) which meant the class half consisted of turtle pad-clad midget karatekas with ADHD, progress was limited and the only person in my weight class was my friend. ANd i refused to do the daniel-san flying crane when he taught the class.

Ever try hip throwing a 310 pound tax accountant who passes wind when he hits the mat? NO!?
Have you ever been thrown by a 310 pound tax acctnt with a followup mount and control position? NO!? Well...... i have, and i think ill need therapy for it some day, least he didnt land on my knees like my poor friend.

Well the head instructor left, and so did we, six months of throws, submissions from takedown attempts, and sweeps were pretty fun but i wanted more.

Well the good instructor left and i felt somewhat empty inside, so what do i do?

I take a semester of TKD (passed off as Tang Soo Do) at my college. Easiest A i've ever gotten, and i pulled ONE, just ONE technique out that I'd actually use on a noob, and well, i already knew it.

Then took a good ol' Larping Shoalin Long Fist class, left after a week, nuff said. I shouldnt have to wait to learn how to backfist until my blackbelt lessons.

Then i found an old friend and started practicing Chuan Fa again independantly.

Oh yeah, then we started Bjj stuffs, which while awkward at first ended up being really fun.

And thats my martial training.

BONUS: Scuffles-
1. I was attacked by a snickers bar wielding bum walking down the road to a friends house, by the time i realized he was waving a candy bar at me i had already chucked him into a drainage ditch with a good old judo type throw. I assume he survived or was eaten by coyotes because he wasnt there when i walked hom the next day and there was no blood.
2. Fat kid tried to Haze me on freshmen friday, went to push me and i CRESCENT stepped behind him and hit him with my butt so hard he flew into a trashcan.
Most of the situations that could have ended badly i avoided by messing with mental loops, its funny how disarming a few good words are.

BONUS: Worst Personal Moment-
Once on the bus I had accidently forgotten to take my belt out of my bag, took it out and went, oh look, one of my friends, friends, retarded little brother spat on it, so i pimp slapped him with a backfist to the noggin, breaking his nose. On the offhand the kid looked like smeagol from LOTR with a Dr Seuss who nose, which then swelled to a normal looking nose, so my hand assisted his face.

lord help us if he ever mates... last thing i want is mini smeagols, shoulda squirrel tapped him with a backfist.

Well Bullshido, thats me sans depth.
Hope i make a good new addition to the family.

9/10/2008 12:19am,
So Ironwing, you decided to go ahead and register huh? Cool. Don't forget to review your dojo (http://www.bullshido.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=83).

9/10/2008 12:21am,
So Ironwing, you decided to go ahead and register huh? Cool. Don't forget to review your dojo (http://www.bullshido.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=83).
I would if it still existed.:BangHead:

9/10/2008 12:29am,
I would if it still existed.:BangHead:

There, there, it's Okay...

Welcome to BS Ironwing, a nice long intro you have there. I skipped the bonus parts because i went to get a cookie.

You write well, and i was mildly amused. As i understand it your training now is just you and a friend hitting each other every now and then? Or is there actual lessons and free candy involved?

9/10/2008 12:56am,
There, there, it's Okay...
You write well, and i was mildly amused. As i understand it your training now is just you and a friend hitting each other every now and then?
Well considering my friend was one of the instructors and my legs are sore as ever it seems we're actually getting back into it properly. I actually think its better, now that I'm older I learn things faster and I'm infinitely happy I found my mother art again. Because, well... you saw how dismal some of my experiences were.

And thank you for the compliment, I try, sometimes too hard, sometimes not in the right way, but I try :icon_salu

Its what i get for replying to reminder bots.

Edit: oh yes... there is much candy.

9/10/2008 8:38pm,
Well, that was one of the more amusing intros I've read in a while. Sure beats the usual 'sup bitches!11! we tend to get around here.

Welcome, enjoy. Word to the wise - baby wipes will get pork rib sauce off of just about anything.

9/14/2008 9:58pm,
baby wipes will get pork rib sauce off of just about anything.

I'm slightly horrified, sometimes the stories i hear from friends who are parents scare me.

Thanks for the advice though.