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Fantasy Warrior
7/23/2007 7:09pm,
Anyone else tried out martial arts clubs just to see what they were about? Free lesson type of thing? I've tried out loads, a few stories of disaster.

But surely you've had even funnier such experiences so please share.




Ninjitsu club, c1996
Started with some breakfall rolls which I liked but then moved on to how to randomly attack someone walking the other way down a street. I was pretty much still partly-deluded at that stage but even I saw how ridiculous this was. It involved walking into the (supposedly nonthreatening) opponent and by a magic clash of shin they fall over. Quite why they didn't just punch them in the face isn't a question that came to mind at the time.


Then the class included a series of strikes to a stationary 'lemon' opponent. They included a kick with the big toe to a pressure point just inside the knee/thigh area, and a single finger to the hollow below your throat. Supposedly instantly deadly - this was my first class and the guy was teaching moves be believed would instantly kill someone?!!!?:??? And then there was the use of their standard stance to escape a lame shoulder grab - drop and step under their arm then pop up behind them in the same stance facing the other way.... oh dear. I advised my sister who I'd convinced to take up MA to drop the class so some good came of it.

:needpics:

Grashnak
7/23/2007 7:13pm,
Anyone else tried out martial arts clubs just to see what they were about? Free lesson type of thing? I've tried out loads, a few stories of disaster.

Hmmmm, I tagged along with a friend who wanted to check out some guy teaching "karate" at the university centre and spent 45 minutes learning how to do some sort of "horse stance" that to me just looked like an invitation to a kick in the balls. That was pretty lame.

Actually, it looked a lot like this:
http://www.frixo.com/sites/fitness/exercises/pics/horse.jpg

EternalRage
7/23/2007 8:03pm,
I once went to this TKD school where I saw students lining up and kicking pads that the instructor was holding. They did some self defenses, typical crappling stuff. In retrospect, the funniest thing about it was this guy sitting next to me, telling me how the black belts were uber deadly and how they could throw a kick that could kill me but then decide not to and stop it a centimeter from my face.

Unfortunately I was a total noobie and didn't know better. I trained at the school for nearly two years.

Jokes on me!

Fantasy Warrior
7/23/2007 8:19pm,
I went to a "traditional" karate club having done a bit of Karate and was left doing a partner pad drill whilst the instructor went off correcting the regular students' kata. I was happily kicking and punching pads thinking it's an ok club and he came back over and watched me. Then, as all instructors do he chipped in with his corrections to make my 'form' proper to the style. He advised me that I was punching the target when it was held high, and kicking when it was held lower which was wrong: "In our style we kick higher targets because the legs are longer than the arms". That sounded reasonable to me and I trained there several months before moving away.

patfromlogan
7/23/2007 8:30pm,
I tried out a Shotokan dojo and got my rib broken. My Kyokushin Sensei was embarrassed.

Detritus
7/23/2007 8:54pm,
It wasn't my first lesson with the place, but very early on. It was a TKD dojang, and we were practicing our breaking. After repeated failed attempts to break a boad with a spinning back kick, (my foot kept slipping off to one side) my instructor pulled me aside, and in broken english told me to kiai really loud next time to help my focus. So I kiaied my damn head off, and promptly kicked the guy holding my board right in the chest.

I can't believe I thought my lack of kiai was why I couldn't break the board.

halfcut
7/23/2007 9:20pm,
I went to a shaolin school in El Paso and it pretty much centered around beating up a blind man in his late 50's while listening to the sound track from Mortal Combat. This guy was not the teacher just one of the students. The teacher was a Mexican gentleman who went on and on about Bruce Lee and what chinese culture is really about. I was so confused and disturbed by the whole situation that after the class was over I had to sneak out before anybody noticed.

Dagon Akujin
7/24/2007 2:42am,
Already posted in this thread (Dagon Akujin Would Rather Play Sticky Hands Than Drink With Women) (http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=47935), but this was seriously the most fucked up first class I've ever been to:


Der, you missed the best part of the text messages:

Aus: So who runs the school?
Dagon: IDIOTS!

I was already on my way to the school to check it out when I got your PM. But you are right, and considering that I already had a bad feeling about the whole thing, I should've driven right past it.

The "bad feeling" started when I called to find out about classes. My "When are your _ing _un classes" question ilicited a 30 minute response from the "sigung", all about how many different arts he has the lineage to, how Koreans have screwed up martial arts ("Contracts!"), how "traditional" he is, and how Northern Chinese styles had to kick people off horses like they do in TKD. But I had hope, since he wasn't the actual _ing _un sifu.

Rule #1: **** hope.

So I get there and the guy is sitting in his pajamas in his office. Everyone else there is in pajamas and keep bowing to the guy over and over to the point where I was giving them "you're fucking weirding me out" looks. They were very smiley and kept bowing to me. The sigung starts talking from the time I go in. About his invitation to be a monk. About his knee operation. About giving Dim-Mak to a kid is about as smart as giving them a shotgun. About the difference between southern mantis and seven star mantis. About how he carries on the lineage of both. About the vodka he uses to make his ointment. Keeps talking.

I notice about 20 "degrees" hung behind his desk. I also notice that he does not have a single picture of himself standing behind a seated sifu. Not one. Yet he was chosen to carry on "White Eyebrow" and around 10 other styles? There are weapons all over the place. There is a 35 lbs. kwan. Five pound escrima sticks. A 115 lbs. 14 year old.

And I start wondering, "Why are they calling him sigung? He doesn't have a single sifu under him. All the other sifus are people he brought in to teach other styles. They aren't his students. Did he just say that he fought Lei Tai for 15 years?"

He was doing a mantis class and started with the longest, most convoluted "bow" I've ever seen. He kept talking while a couple students followed along. He started mentioning how he "gave mantis style" to someone who hadn't had it before. "Like a fucking Christmas present?" I wondered to myself. He was tall. He looked ready to fall over. Was it the vodka?

The "advanced wing chun student" came in then. Big guy. Looked tough. I was handed off to him and we started working on some drills. Convaluted, over-dramatic, 10 moves to respond to a 2 punch set-up drills. The student then began to talk and I noticed that he took after the sigung. Kept talking.

"Okay, if I'm going to punch you, you start with a tan, then wu under it, then shift to the side, then I'm going to come in with a second punch, and you bong it, shift to the other side, come under the arm, pak, move in and palm to my face." Um... simple and straight-forward? After a few minutes ("Make sure you're foot is there, and get your arm over here, and make sure to get your hand on this part of my forarm"), he kinda noticed that I'm not "getting" it and we try a different drill.

"You just gotta feel it and flow with it." So now I've gotta bong the first punch, then side-step and bong the second one (?), then hunch overtop his arm and throw a chop at his face while shifting again to punch him in the ribs. I'm not feeling it or flowing with it very well, so I start to just bong the first hit, and push into him down the center, moving him back with multiple fists on his chest. Each time I "feel" or "flow", I notice that I'm doing something a lot more simple and straight-forward. Like a simple counter punch instead of a pull-down, shift, pak, shift, step, chop, retreat, shift while he's frozen for my Mortal Kombat combo.

"See man, if you're there I might still hit you, and I don't want to get hit." Me: "I just figure I'm going to be hitting you 10 times, so I'll eat your fist as I'm moving into you instead of trying to move all over and do 10 different moves." "Dog!"

I asked about doing some chi-sau and he said that they did it different, so we didn't do any. We started locking and breaking arm drills... ? I still couldn't figure out why I wasn't just punching him in the throat. I felt kinda bad for him. Don't get me wrong, the guy seemed tough and all. He had muscles. He kept talking. It's just that it seemed like I could control his center and strike down it with ease. And seriously, what the **** is up with lengthy, multi-faceted "moves"? We never did one form. We never did a standard wing chun drill (though he did mention some in passing).

Maybe I'm just biased because the conversations at my Detroit school went more like this: "Dude... so I saw this video of a girl fucking a donkey..." *punch punch punch*

Class ended and I got a little bit of a tour. They had a large punching bag filled with... concrete. X-TRA HARDCORE! They had little sandbags to practice t3h d2adly 3y3 g0ug3s! Every student had a book on Shaolin Monks or a Kung-Fu magazine. They had tons of different sashes for each art there. They asked me to come back when the Wing Chun sifu is there since he's so hardcore too.



Jesus-****, I should've gotten drunk.

Dagon Akujin

Homepage of the school in question. (http://www.livingstonkungfu.com/):qleft2:

Ragnarok2006
7/24/2007 3:51am,
Homepage of the school in question. (http://www.livingstonkungfu.com/):qleft2:



All our instructors have at least 20 years experience, experience in full contact fighting and seasoned teacher.


They all have 20 years experience in Seasoned Teacher. I'd be more careful about who you run your mouth at Dagon.

Lebell
7/24/2007 3:52am,
Hmmmm, I tagged along with a friend who wanted to check out some guy teaching "karate" at the university centre and spent 45 minutes learning how to do some sort of "horse stance" that to me just looked like an invitation to a kick in the balls. That was pretty lame.

Actually, it looked a lot like this:
http://www.frixo.com/sites/fitness/exercises/pics/horse.jpg

Please allow me to point out that horsestance training is really good for stand up wrestling/grappling,judo because it makes your legs strong,im not saying you should stand in a horsestance but as an excersise it has his merits.
5 minutes horsestance like on that picture each day and your legs become strong.

Cullion
7/24/2007 5:50am,
You're about to be assaulted by people shouting 'squats, squats!'

Cullion
7/24/2007 5:52am,
My worst first class was a kickboxing class. They only did semi-contact and the instructor was about 40% bodyfat.

Ke?poFist
7/24/2007 6:48am,
Please allow me to point out that horsestance training is really good for stand up wrestling/grappling,judo because it makes your legs strong,im not saying you should stand in a horsestance but as an excersise it has his merits.
5 minutes horsestance like on that picture each day and your legs become strong.

Squats! Squats!

Ke?poFist
7/24/2007 6:49am,
My worst first class was a kickboxing class. They only did semi-contact and the instructor was about 40% bodyfat.

Went from completely unfunny, to hilarious with the simple addition of the instructors body-fat percentage. Well played!

Lu Tze
7/24/2007 6:55am,
You're about to be assaulted by people shouting 'squats, squats!'He was, until I read this. Ah **** it...

Squats, squats!

Lebell
7/24/2007 7:26am,
Squats! Squats!
how many coach?!