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john joe
5/30/2007 4:50am,
Uncyclopedia is like wikipedia, but completely made up.


Not totally unlike wikipedia then.


http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Martial_arts



"The best techniques of the martial arts are the uncommon ones. People have been known to jump at a person head first and ram them into submission. Another uncommon technique is to mimick the fighing of a tiger where you hit random people who look at you wrong. "

Kung Fu (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Kung_Fu)- A generic term for a majority of the Chinese martial arts. Many of these arts involve the emulation of animals. Many students of Pray Mantis spend years attempting to obtain the other 4 legs while students of Monkey Kung-fu tend to find themselves being carted off by men in white lab coats.

Tai chi (http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=Tai_chi&action=edit)- An unusual art that promises ultimate power from moving very slowly for many years. The drawback being that by the time you develop the ultimate power you are close to death anyway. Has been described as "just like standing still, only faster".

Ke?poFist
5/30/2007 9:00am,
Tai Chi sounded pretty accurate ;)

jkdbuck76
5/30/2007 10:38am,
Kuk Sool:A purely ancient Korean Martial Art handed down by the Hwarang. It is effective, if by "effective" you mean exorbitant belt rank costs, shitty aluminum weapons sold at a price as though they were carved out of whale fur and the True Cross, teaching-in-a-can, high ranking people who can't scrap and a hate for all things Japanese.

NEVERMIND THE SIMILARITIES TO DAITO-RYU AIKI-JUJITSU!!! I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ!!!!!!!!!!!!

avenger
5/30/2007 6:39pm,
Karate- The primary purpose of this art is the destruction of wood and other natural products. Most Karate styles have a placing on Green Peace's most wanted list. This art will be outlawed by most countries by the turn of the century. Karate people enjoy pain, this is shown by their habit of fighting with their fists on their hips.


Man. How I love Uncyclopedia. Oh yeah, Like KempoFist said, the Tai Chi one was extremely accurate.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Tae_Pwn_Do

This one is my favorite.

Holy Moment
5/30/2007 8:44pm,
In the early UFCs (http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=UFC&action=edit)( The UFC is a death-optional martial arts cage-fighting match that takes place on the erected penis of a giant man) Taekwondo tried to make a comeback, with mixed results. Patrick Smith (http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=Patrick_Smith&action=edit), a rowdy Irish (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Irish) governor and Taekwondo fighter, proved in the UFC that Taekwondo can be effectively used against ninjas (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Ninja). He did this by beating a ninja fighter until permanent brain-damage occured; Patty wanted to kill the ninja, because the ninja hailed from Texas (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Texas), but decided to keep him around to use him as an organ grinder's monkey. Despite him beating the ninja, he couldn't beat Brazilian (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Brazilian) Jiu-Jitsu (http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=Jiu-Jitsu&action=edit) expert Royce Gracie (http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=Royce_Gracie&action=edit) (Gracie's style combine the teaching of Yojitsu with the principles of cannabalism, anal rape, and torture). Another Taekwondo fighter, "Testicle (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Testicle)" Callous Worsham, faught half-man, half-machine, David "Tank (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Tank)" Abbot, but was thrown out of the cage and into a spikey patch of pubic hair. The reason legitamate Taekwondo can't make a comeback is that other styles of martial arts hold them back.


A piece from the Taekwondo article I found.

Schattenfaust
5/30/2007 9:09pm,
I might just have different tastes in humour, but like all Uncyclopedia articles, I actually thought this one was a bit moronic.

Question!
5/31/2007 1:12am,
“Those people can really fly.”

~ Superman on aikidokas

That made me lol.

avenger
5/31/2007 4:24pm,
The rules are very simple. Basically, the two obese people in their oversized diapers try to either:

a) Push the other person out of the ring

or

b) Force the other person to touch the ground with a part of his/her body hat isn't his/her feet

When this is done, the winner does a silly dance and the next bout begins.

From the sumo article. How I love uncyclopedia.