View Full Version : How do you handle someone who cries?

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5/04/2007 7:36am,
Well, since someone started a thread about have you cries during training, I just gotta ask, "How do you handle someone who cries at class?"

I have had several cases of people crying in class, most of them kids. I handled the matter by having them sit out the rest of the class on the side of the room until they composed themselves, or class ended.

I have also had what I call the "freaks". These are the people, who for lack of a better word, "freak-out" when something happens to them in the course of training, or in class.

One case was when I had a young woman, about 14, was sparring in class with another student. She was beating the crap out of another student, and laughing about it as well. I stepped in and offerred to "spar" with her. The student was more than ready to have me "bring it on". She also claimed that she had not have be beaten in a long time. So the sparring ensued, and I managed to get a head shot in on her. Mind you, it was just a tap to the head gear. She totally freaked-out that I had gotten through her "defenses". By her reaction, you would have thought I tried to rape her!

So fellas, and input on your experiences?

5/04/2007 7:50am,
I've never had this happen in MA training, but I spent three years leading my Boy Scout troop and it happened occasionally at camp or something. Some of the younger scouts would get frustrated or angry about something, or feel homesick, and they'd cry. My tactic was usually to find something else for them to do, that I knew they were good at, that would distract them. Like, if they were messing up the square lashing on the monkey bridge (which would be massively unsafe) I'd move them to the stringers, or to something else entirely like building a fire.

It seems like similar tactics might work in MA. If somebody's freaking out over sparring, move them to a different partner or a different activity temporarily, and ease them back into whatever was giving them trouble later. There's something to be said for making them work through it, though, and kids especially are surprisingly emotionally resilient, if also surprisingly intense.

As I look back on my scouting days, I wonder how it's even possible that such a dense concentration of stupid kids, sharp objects and fire resulted in as few injuries as it did.

5/04/2007 7:52am,
No, women should not be permitted to do MA plain and simple.





5/04/2007 8:23am,
Point and laugh.

But seriously, some people have never really been hit (guys or girls) so they freak the first time it happens. I wouldn't pay it any attention.

5/04/2007 8:31am,

billy sol hurok
5/04/2007 8:34am,

"I'll give ya something to cry about!"


5/04/2007 8:44am,
My daughter sometimes cried in TKD class. She was not quite six so I understood, but I would come to the door of the class and ask the teacher to send her to me so the instructor could continue class.

At first I thought it was because she was frustrated, later I realized it was because she was doing TKD.

I hate it when kids cry in class and the teacher takes time out to console them. I am paying for teaching time, not esteem building. If their kid cant stop crying send them out. They werent meant for the MA's.

This is one of the core problems with MA's being watered down today. Little Johnny cries because he just cant get it, or he is losing a sparring match and fakes pain and cries to get out of it.
People dont like to see their kids cry so they bitch and moan about it. The owner doesnt want to lose students so they water it down.

Same with belt testings. My son didnt pass one of his testings because he couldnt break both sets of boards. He stayed at the same belt level for three more months. SOme parents were outraged because in their words "What does it matter if he doesnt break all of them? Its just a belt."
This is the attitude that cheapens other peoples belt ranks. If my son couldnt meet the requirements to pass, he doesnt pass.

Same reason I dont let my kids enter tourneys where everybody gets a trophy. Id rather buy the $6 trophy and save myself 6 hours and a $40 entry fee.

When I was teaching and a student started to cry I would get their parents attention and have them come get them.

5/04/2007 8:52am,
I recall someone crying at an aikido open-training session a while ago. I think I may have been giving her too many corrections at once, or maybe she was just feeling uneasy about her upcoming test. Anyway, she teared up and stepped outside, and I felt sort of bad about it: I'd noticed that she was getting a little overwhelmed, but figured it was no big deal and it was more important for her to hear things to work on. Especially since aikido's supposed to be all about awareness of the other person and "making the right fit", I should probably have taken the hint. I wasn't being mean or harsh in the way I said things, mind; but I think the effect was along those lines.

Anyway, as for what I did once she started crying and stepped out of the dojo: not much. I thought about going out to the hallway to check on her, but it occurred to me that she probably left the room for a reason - she needed to go and cry without everyone staring at her doing so. I figured she'd get herself back together and come back when she was ready. I believe that's what happened.

So yeah, I think it depends on the situation, but sometimes people just need some space.

[Edit: I should clarify that she was, like me, college age.]

5/04/2007 9:04am,
At first I thought it was because she was frustrated, later I realized it was because she was doing TKD.
Pure comedy Gold

5/04/2007 9:06am,
Pure comedy Gold

+rep plz

5/04/2007 9:09am,
I just want to make clear I would not suplex a kid who was crying.
Too noticeable... I'd go for a sneaky elbow.

5/04/2007 9:16am,
Laugh at them.

5/04/2007 9:17am,
I just want to make clear I would not suplex a kid who was crying.
Too noticeable... I'd go for a sneaky elbow.
Thumb in the eye maybe?

El Neko
5/04/2007 9:23am,
By her reaction, you would have thought I tried to rape her!

Well, did you?

In a more serious manner, I think it depends who's doing the crying, a little kid you can get away with sitting them on the side, a soccer mom too, but if one of my partners started crying there's only one solution to asure he would never do it again.... point and laugh and keep throwing him around

5/04/2007 9:58am,
Thumb in the butt maybe?

Dude... not cool...

Also, regarding your un-edited post... eye gouges are too deadly, remember?

5/04/2007 10:27am,
The worst thing to do is give them loads of attention. This increases the likelyhood they will do it again. Let them sit out and compose themselves. Crying should not be encouraged.