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Judomofo
2/22/2007 4:18pm,
Once upon a time there was a thread at subfighter that talked about this, the different types of guys at a dojo. I will list a few and see what you can add.


The Old Timer:

This is the guy who comes to club and often talks about how things used to be, and shows things he used to do all the time back in the day. He is one of the first people to correct your technique (many times very incorrectly) and always has some more advice to add after the instructor shows and talks about a technique. "Don't forget to....."
He never really rolls/spars with you or anyone of consenquence but is the first to roll/spar with any female, kid, or smallish white belt. He has no problem annihilating said girl, kid, or white belt. But always has some old injury excuse as to why he can't roll/spar with you.

Noticeable traits: Being old, and uniform smells musky as hell and is that off white yellowish color instead of white.


(already brought up in another thread) The Spazz.

Every single second in the dojo to him is life or death. Even while attempting to learn a new technique he has to go 100%, and while you are trying to demo the technique he is resisting 100%. Difficult to work with, his very limbs are shaking with muscle strain with every single movement. He walks in the door with every single muscle locked out and flexed. When rolling/sparring he freaks the hell out and goes at it with every fiber in his body. He mauls inexperienced people and then when going against someone of experience and loses he growls, cussing, yells at himself, hits the mat, and or comes back with even more ferocity. Even after being told to calm down, he is still ends up going all out, but at just a tad bit less. He can't get or understand a single technique that require finesse. He is usually a fairly big strong chap in good shape, but gases out after 20 seconds because of never relaxing.

Traits: Big, strong, disheveled hair, intense look.


The Unnatural: (Mr. Can't Get Right)

This guy is like B.J. Penn, but the exact opposite. For some reason he cannot learn the simplest technique no matter how many times you show him. His uncordination is amazing, you are surprised he can manage to walk. Despite you putting him in the exact positions step by step he will still manage to screw it up. He is religious, he comes to class every day, he will put in all the time in the world, he just cannot get right. Usually a really nice guy, normally a little slow, you want to help the guy but how many times can someone not grasp the simplest technique. He is the guy that makes you realize, that some people just aren't meant to do Martial Arts, or at least your particular art. You notice other people stop working with him out of frustration, you keep trying to show him. Sooner or later you abandon hope and just let him sort it out himself and watch him get smoked in sparring/randori. Just like little Rudy Rudiger, he has the heart of a lion, he will jump right back up and get into the action. He is the first to come, and the last to leave. Poor bastard...

Traits: Looks like a member of the Brady bunch.

One of my new favorites:

The College aged Young Dumb Full of ...well you know the rest.

You know the type, and bless their hearts they are the future of Martial Arts. They have watched UFC's or the movies and they are ready to be fighters. They come in the door asking when they can get a fight. Like the spazz they come in going 100 percent with little to no knowledge. They have a great willingness to learn but are just a little bit crazy. Within one week they are wearing Sprawl shorts, full contact fighter rash guards, fairtex gloves, and have a TapOut sticker on their car. All of their gear is nicer than yours, they talk about Pride and UFC's constantly (the 3 of them that they have seen) and walk around like the cock of the walk. Bless their hearts because one day they will actually be fighters, but for now you kind of hate them...


Mr. Glass:

Sometimes the old timer, sometimes a young fit guy that unexplicably gets injured the first 30 seconds into any sparring session or match. He still comes to the dojo and sits on the sidelines rehabbing whatever injury he currently has. When you roll/spar with him he is paranoid beyond belief, often times tapping way before any extension of a joint and yelping at the top of lungs any time he tweaks something a little. He eventually limits his sparring rule set to you only being able to do maybe two submissions (this pinky is fine, and my left big toe is fine, just watch everything else) and every time you start to dominate him suddenly he yelps in pain. However being the warrior he is, he normally says "Oh it's nothing, keep going just becareful with my whole torso there". If not always over exagerating any injury to save himself face, there is also the type that literally can't help but break a bone or snap a joint just by doing shrimps or pushups.


Mr. Unbreakable:
Every one he rolls with, everyone he touches, everything he does chaos is around him. He has some sort of sick midas touch that he hurts everyone around him while he remains unscathed. Broken ribs, hands, freak injuries all occur whenever someone is rolling/sparring with him. Fucking meteors come out of the sky and kill his training partners. If the dojo were to catch on fire everyone inside would be burned to death, but he would walk out without so much as a blister. In fact if you travel anywhere as a team he specifically can't drive, for fear that he will cause a wreck and be the sole survivor. (Maybe it is just my dojo that has this guy...)

The Dojo Ghost:
Like the old timer this guy can't help but tell you what to do. The exception is you have never met this dude in your life. Of course some people know who he is, he is wearing a brown belt or so, and knows your instructor (or comes from another club). While everyone is doing one thing he is doing something completely different. You see him only for that day then he disappears. Sometimes he shows up for a class or two a year later and is gone again. He normally has some legitimate skill, and the things he shows are usually not insane (like the old timers) it is just you never see him.


I will let you know as the others come to me, feel free to add your own....

Askari
2/22/2007 4:32pm,
How about a title for the person we have to remind with:

"I am actually injured you dipshit, stop reafing on my shoulder already, I've been tapping for the last 5 minutes!

Now I have to miss a month of training 'cause your an ass!"

Dr. Fagbot Q. MacGillicuddy, PhD
2/22/2007 4:45pm,
Holy ****, I'm the Old Timer, the Unnatural, Mr. Glass, Mr. Unbreakable and the Sweater all rolled up into one.

I think I hate myself.

patfromlogan
2/22/2007 4:45pm,
So just how do you get that "off white yellowish color," out of your gi anyway?

Judomofo
2/22/2007 4:48pm,
LOL! At the sweater Nuck. We had one guy like that, he leaves to go home and another guy comes in and takes his place lol...

Ugh at the Toenail lol.



Askari: Yeah I should probably put that under the spaz, he is the guy that some idiot shows a neck crank too and he immediately applies to your ass at full force, damn near breaking your ****. Maybe I should edit the Spaz a little....

Feryk
2/22/2007 5:04pm,
I'd like to add...

Mr. Old Dojo

This guy trained somewhere else before coming to your club, and can't help but talk about how great his old dojo was. 'My old Sensei did it this way...' or 'you're not doing it right' are common phrases for this hapless idiot, who almost never realizes that everyone else in the dojo wants to send him back where he came from. When asked why he left, the answer is almost always along the lines of, 'Oh, things over there are different now'. No kidding. Everyone is happier now that he is gone.

Judomofo
2/22/2007 5:06pm,
The How the Hell is he a Blackbelt Blackbelt:

Like the dojo ghost this is a guy who floats in. You have never met him before in your life and neither has your instructor. He comes in and changes in to his Gi and lo and behold he is a black belt. He obviously comes from another club (sometimes another country) and like the Old Guy has no problem adding to whatever you instructor says. He normally spouts off something unverifiable (I was a Canadian Kata National Champ) etc. Also like the Old Timer he constantly corrects your technique while demonstrating something totally retarded.

When it comes time to randori and do any kind of demo he has a problem with the most basic techniques. You tell yourself maybe he is rusty. He constantly mispronounces techniques names and has the loudest Kiai you have ever heard. He gets wrecked by every single person in your dojo, even your white belts are throwing the hell out of him. However when he gets up he gives you some advice about the technique and makes it appear that he "let you do that". He shows one of your brown belts a techique and your 7 year old yellow belts are doing it cleaner and smoother than he is.

Eventually he becomes the old timer, or at least decides to adopt the Old Timer's attitude and fights only white belts and girls who are lighter than him. However, he gets housed by those very same white belts and girls. Sooner or later he becomes Mr. Glass or at the very least tells you how he would have wrecked your **** if it weren't for his bad knee/back/elbow/toe/uvula.

Traits: Old Karate mustache, jerky movements, **** eating grin.


The HOLY **** THAT IS A BIG ************ guy:

This guy walks in the door and you see absolute raw potential. He is build like the incredible hulk. With no training what so ever he manhandles many people in the dojo, even brown belts. He is a giant ass beast of a man, that no one really wants to go against. You think about what he can do with some training and you begin to drool like Earl Wood's when he saw Tiger's first golf swing. However he has the coordination of the unnatural. You try and you try, and when he spars he murders people because of his strength, however his technique is utter garbage and he has a hard time wanting to change because he's winning. Eventually he leaves your dojo, goes and plays football and makes 15 million dollars... where is my money Antonio? Huh? Can't you hook a brother up? Oh.... sorry...

Traits: Looks like Brock Lesnar, or Levar Arrington.


Mr. Funktastic:
Simply put, this ************ stinks 24/7. You can hand him a brand new gi, throw him in a tub of bleach and he will still smell like Paris Hilton's cooch after an all night gangbang. You even confront him about it after so many compliants and he looks at you with puppy dog eyes and tells you that he just showered.... you know he is lying, but he pays his dues and is a good guy. He just smells like balls all the time.....

Traits: Greasy ass hair, dopey look, flies circling him.

Mr. Jones
2/22/2007 5:13pm,
The Modest Guy
He comes in and says he doesn't have very much experience and is just so, so. But in fact he's super badass and floors everybody in the gym.

The Fighter
This guy is noticeable because he shows up at innapropiate schools or styles. He will ask about pushing hands at a Tai Chi class or ask why they don't spar in an Aikido or Bujinkan one. He shows up very often and is considered a hard work but he will unexpectangly leave for something more suitiable.

leere_form
2/22/2007 5:14pm,
mr. chill:

this is the guy who is utterly calm and in control at all times. he may suck, he may be great, but whatever you do to him, win or lose, is met with the same fluidity and near-indifference. he will probably laugh a lot, joke around during rolling, etc. one of the guys i know in BJJ is like this, and he chews gum while rolling. he's a purple belt, so i guess it's his call.

this guy is pretty much the opposite of the mat spaz. they're generally technical and subtle, fun and educational to roll with, etc. if they aren't technical and subtle yet, they want to be. this might also include lazy guys with good technique, who toss you around without apparent effort. because effort takes work and stuff.

the ubermensch:

this guy is superhuman. he's smarter than you, stronger than you, faster than you, learns at an incredible rate, and generally looks down upon everyone else from his lofty height. he may or may not be a dick about this. this is incredibly dangerous when combined with the "mr. unbreakable" type, because you will probably die. the guy to beat, for sure.

roly
2/22/2007 5:16pm,
the freak of nature:
this guy is freakishly good at all techniques the instant they are shown to him. training with him is embarrassing because of how unco-ordinated you look compared to him.
not only this, he is also good looking and intelligent.

Emevas
2/22/2007 5:17pm,
The "Never Gonna Fight" guy:

He spars like it's a ring fight. Why? Because he's never actually going to set foot in the ring. Whereas everyone else knows sparring is just an exercise to improve on what you've learned, he goes into a spar like it's a title fight. 100% power and intensity, cheating when he can, and asking people to ref the match.

Lucky Seven
2/22/2007 5:37pm,
The craftsman: This is the guy that will pull a monkey out of his hat, he will use walls for leverage, he will choke you with his belt (before he knows its not allowed) he will make you look to the ceiling and then double leg takedown you, he will do some technique you never saw before, and TAP YOU, he doesn't even know how he did it, he just realized that your elbow doesn't bend that way.
He doesn't actually know the names of the techniques, or the little details, he improvises on the spot and can never do the same technique twice.


This guy is usually pretty good when starting against people with the same time of training and regularly taps them out, but appears to not get any better while the rest of the people do and eventually gets outskilled.


Traits: He is usually the one always asking people "Can I do *this* ? what if I do *this* ?! can I choke someone like *this* ?

PointyShinyBurn
2/22/2007 5:47pm,
The one trick pony:
The guy who isn't really better than you in general, but has drilled exactly one basic move till it's a super awesome doom weapon. Everywhere else it's a fight, but in one particular position it's stall, stall, stall and pray you don't get hit with it. Which you usually fucking do anyway.

One guy I train is like this with the hip bump sweep. No set up, no trickery, just instant sweepage at awesome speed any moment your attention wanders.

Judomofo
2/22/2007 6:00pm,
The Randy Moss/T.O.:

This guy comes to practice maybe once a week or a few times a month. While there he has one of the shittiest attitudes and work ethics you have ever seen. He drinks, he smokes, yet he doesn't have an ounce of fat. You can't push him he just quits in the middle of work outs, and is generally an ass. But aside from your instructor and maybe one other top person in your class he absolutely trounces everyone. He does it effortless and with amazing style and technique. He won't listen to any criticism and just instantly picks up on any technique. You watch as he eats a whole damn pizza after practice while you eat a fucking wheat thin to make weight. YOu figure that his slackness will eventually bite him in the ass at a tournament or fight. He will literally show up at a tournament when he hasn't been to practice in weeks and then take first. While prepping for a fight he will show up regularly like two days before his fight then go in and win in less than a minute. You hate the guy, everyone hates the guy, your instructors even view him unfavorably, but he damn wins all the time.

Traits: Has a six pack but eats what he wants, has girls on his jock. His Gi/workout gear looks like he just picked it up out of the closet or trunk of his car.


The Dojo King:
This guy comes to practice frequently, works hard and is awesome. He handles everyone in your gym, and when you go to another gym or a seminar he schools people there too. Aside from your instructor pretty much nobody can stop him, much like the Randy Moss. However he trains his ass off, has a great attitude and shows you and everyone else some really great ****, he is a joy to have in the gym. You say to yourself as he is busting his ass prepping for a tourney or fight, that he is going to whip all kinds of ass. He can even be going to a tourney or fight against someone that he trounced at a seminar or cross dojo sparring session. But when it comes time for the big game he chokes, he constantly loses in tournaments and fights to lesser opponents, he does every single mistake that he never makes in the dojo. He looks like utter crap.In the dojo he is king, in the ring he turns into kitten.

Trait: Looks like a bad ass, always working super hard.

Bustardo
2/22/2007 6:03pm,
Mr. "I'm here to work"
This guy has awesome technique, but you're not worth speaking to unless you've been attending several years. After all, he knows you're going to quit. Why waste time forming those words when he's not going to ever see you again after 3 months? He'll destroy you on the mat, and offer 1 or two words on what you did wrong. Perhaps he'll even point, grunt and nod. But anything else? Forget about it. He's here to work.

MSphinx
2/22/2007 6:14pm,
The reverse dojo king:

Puts 100% effort into training. Does technique perfect. Can't spar/roll to save his life; gets trounced by everyone. However, outside the dojo he gives people the impression he's the **** because more than anything else he works hard to look the part and not because he wants to fight. Likes to show off his skills to nearly everyone, but oddly enough never to other martial artists.

Trait: like the dojo king, he looks badass.

The tough kid.

You don't know how old he is but he looks about 12. Small, spritely, but a complete monster at sparring and in competition. A young guy with nothing but potential. You loathe him, because you imagine that if you started at his age, you would be amazing by now.