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Mercurius
5/30/2003 5:51am,
was leaked to this website:

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/hp_phoenix.html

Even if you're not a Harry Potter fan, it makes for good reading.

Sam Browning
5/30/2003 10:48am,
Its a cleverly written, very funny fake, especially with the insinuation that Hagrid and Harry's best female friend, got jiggy.

Mercurius
5/30/2003 1:46pm,
The part Samuel Browning's talking about:

An enormous hand landed on Harry's shoulder, causing his entire body to tilt to one side. "Harry," said Hagrid from behind him. "I know what you're thinkin'. I know what's got you so upset. You're worried that poor Hermione died and that she... well, that she wasn't yet a woman. Do you know what I'm sayin', Harry?"

"I know, Hagrid. She was only a teenager..."

"Well, right. But you're thinkin' that she, well, that she had never known the touch of a man."

"No, actually I..."

"Well, I want ya to know that you needn't worry about that. Hermione, she knew what it was to have a man's love, Harry. Trust me, she knew."

Hagrid wiped a tear from his cheek with a huge paw.

"-repeatedly."

"Um, thank you, Hagrid. I think."


Friggin' hilarious. Also, my favorite part:

"Harry. You have used your marvelous skills to become the most unstoppable machine of vengeance this world has ever known. But at what cost? How could the events of just one year have brought you to this?"
"I don't know anything anymore, Dumbledore. Nothing is true. All my friends are my enemies, and all my enemies are also enemies. The only truth I have found is through honed steel and spilled blood, the burning of my enemies' houses and the lamentations of their women."

Anyway, if you know any Harry Potter fans, pass this link on to them and see if they **** a brick or anything.

Mercurius
5/30/2003 2:08pm,
Also, they've got this bit on the Matrix that's kind of in the same vein:

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/matrix50.html

The responses by the people who actually bought it are almost as hilarious as the 50 reasons themselves.