View Full Version : Things your instructor has said.

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Wan Hung Lo
5/08/2003 11:36pm,
What is some of the funniest, informative or even philosophical things your instructor has said? I've got one. When I was about 14. My Instructor was asked to perform a demo for the National Guard. During the demo there was this one dumbass on the front row who keep yawning and was all kicked back in his chair with a smart ass grin on his face, all the while elbowing his buddies and joking. After the demo my instructor asked this guy if he was interested in taking classes. He said, "I don't need no Karate. I got my .45." My instructor then said, "Really?!! You got a .45? Cool! Lemme see it!" The guy then says, "I ain't got it with me. It's back at the house." My instructor smiled at the guy and then says, "I bet I could beat you to death before you could run home and get it." The guy's buds laughed their asses off and the guy was so embarressed that all he could do was laugh and shake his head.

5/08/2003 11:42pm,
That's funny as hell...LOL.


5/08/2003 11:46pm,
In an aikido class I had an instructor who was slower than I was and I could dance around her like a boxer. But one day when I tried to go in for a jab she pulled my arm in and grabbed my larynx sayin, "I don't dance with athletes". Yeah...that was kind of embarassing but made sense...Don't fight the other man's fight.

5/08/2003 11:47pm,
lol nice story Wan. :D

"Wrestling is the Martial Art of America";
"If you don't know how to wrestle you don't know how to fight, that's the prerequisite to fighting" David Tank Abbott (http://www.sherdog.com/fightfinder/displayfighter.cfm?fighterid=110)

5/09/2003 12:20am,
One time this new guy mouthed off to my instructor and we knew immediately, from prior experience, that something really funny was about to happen. My instructor heard us snickering and he turned around, smiled and winked at us. He turned back around, the smile turned into a frown, and he yelled right in the guy's face, "You think you are a tough guy. Huh? Do you think you're some kind of badass? Well, let's see how fucking tough you really are." The guys face just went white, his previous bravado vanishing immediately. My instructor mumbled, "I'm really going to enjoy this" and then punched him as hard as he could in the stomach. The guy dropped to the ground like a heavy sack of **** and my instructor just started kicking and stomping him over and over again. I guess we should have intervened at some point.

You can't make a man by standing a sheep on its hindlegs but if you get a group of men together you can create a herd of sheep.

5/09/2003 12:22am,
Just kidding.

You can't make a man by standing a sheep on its hindlegs but if you get a group of men together you can create a herd of sheep.

5/09/2003 1:31am,
Funniest thing my instructor ever said:

New kid in class: "So, when we're sparring, where do I look? Do I stare into their eyes?"
Instructor: "Not unless you want to take them to dinner."

"I'm willing to bet I could **** up an emu real good, if I got the drop on the bastard."
-- KC Elbows, my new hero.

Toby Christensen
5/09/2003 2:19am,
"All associations made in this life are temporary, Mr Christensen."

Ali Cooper Shabazz

I have brain damage; you are just a wanker.

"The streetfighter will always win!" Jerry, former wrestling boxing and judo champ

5/09/2003 2:48am,
My sifu doesn't like to make disparaging remarks about other styles or clubs. Once, when asked about a style widely regarded as a sham, he paused for a moment and replied, “anything that gets people up and moving around is great.”

Another favourite is a taekwondo instructor who was asked about whether one should look into their opponent’s eyes during a confrontation. Response?
“If you looked into my eyes during a fight, you would lose your soul.”

5/09/2003 3:11am,
A couple of things.

First all Ed Parker founder of American Kenpo, who according to himself was a devoulty religious man and considered morality to very important in ones life and martial arts, also said this about the ethics of combat:

"It doesn't matter whose right, it matters whose left."

Secondly, a instructor I know what working on teaching wrist locks. After he had shown students the baisc technique, he had them pair off, hold out their hands and take turns applying them to one another. One student got frustrated, and commented that is was stupid, no one was just going to give you their hand in combat. The instructor said sure they would, and if the student would come to the front of the class he would be pleased to demostrate.

The student comes to the front of the class, stands in front of the instructor, and the instructor half whispers "Give me your hand".

As the student yells, "No!" the instructor makes a move to slap the student in the head. The student insticively raises his hand to block, and as soon as there arms make contact, the instructor takes the hand the student has just "given" him, puts in in a wristlock and drops him to the mat.

Martial Cartoonist
5/09/2003 3:25am,
Not quite so informative as it is stupid.

My sensei's name is Au. Sensei Au. Pronounced OW. A fitting name, really, 'cause when he had me in a nice, handy pin (I think it was nikyo) with my face drilled into the mat, and he's twisting for all he's worth, I go "OW OW OW" and tap like a madman.

He doesn't stop, though, 'cause he thinks I'm being disrespectful. In a nice, fatherly tone (while still torquing my arm) he says "Nate, please, refer to me as Sensei when we're in class..."

And when I finally say Sensei, he lets me up, and I explain the whole thing.

The dumbfounded look on his face was priceless, but damn, did my arm hurt.

My skill with a sword is formidable. My skill with the s-word is flat-out lethal.

Xuanlong Xian
5/09/2003 3:30am,
my master is a never-ending fountain of jokes, many of which are actually funny.

here's my personal favorite.

one time we were kicking focus pads held on one outstretched hand. my master was holding for me. after a particularly hard series of roundhouses, he said "well...won't be doing the devil's work tonight..."

Xuanlong Xian
5/09/2003 3:32am,
another one

he was describing how female breast tissue might impede the effectiveness of a certain heart strike. "but, then, this *was* developed in *Asia*..."

5/09/2003 3:37am,
My instructor too, whose name is Trevor Haines, is infamous for werid puns and comments.

So much so that my girlfriend and I commonly refer to him as "Clever" Haines when we are at home.

5/09/2003 8:23am,
The profound thing my old sifu said was probably... "If you a *****, you gonna get fucked."

- Skummer -

If you think you can speak about Tao, it is clear you don't know what you're talking about.
-Lao Tzu

5/09/2003 8:55am,
there are two things which my instructor has said which i thought were funny

1-"It is not a fight, it is a beating and you want to be the one giving it...."

2-During a hammerfist drill in which you are supposed to hit someone who is approaching you "Get your other hand up as you strike, if you were not in a fight before you are now"

"you think you're tough? try riding on the back of a moto in downtown Phnom Penh"---jzf

"i left my heart in laos, but my wallet in cambodia