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DanDavis
4/29/2003 3:09pm,
I don't know if somebody meant to be funny or if they're just gay, but this review cracks me up.

Karate plus music= classic, April 7, 2003
Reviewer: Memphisbowlerpimp (see more about me) from Memphis
I remember where I was when I first heard there was a karate movie coming out. I turned to my buddy Chad and said, "It's about freakin time, I'm totally into karate and there's not one great movie out there about it. Kung fu is weak." So I had high expectations for the film and somehow it exceeded them tenfold. Not only was it a great story of an underdog kid from New Jersey taken under the wing of a kind of freaky old japanese man, it was a love story with ultra hot Elizbeth Shue. This movie is defined by it's villians. William Zabka gives an Oscar quality portrayal of the preppy karate champ gone bad. He doesn't like the new kid and neither did Chad McQueen as dutch. I cried at the end when Larusso, benefitting from some freaky medical thing done by Myagi throws the most unstoppable move in modern fighting with the crane kick. Van Damme, Seagal and Chan have tried to copy, but failed. Not only was this movie incredible, the soundtrack is even better. I wouldn't be doing it justice if I didn't look at each track.

1. "Moment of Truth" by Survivor- And I thought Survivor had put their best out on the Rocky soundtrack, wrong, this song is unbelievable. I get so inspired after hearing this song, I cook dinner for four.

2. "Bop bop on the beach" by Accept- Normally the masters of angry german rock wouldn't fit the bill for a karate movie, but they nailed this one. The Beach was alive and it was alive because of accept. Daniel Larusso showing Pele style soccer moves while accept plays in the background? Shoot me now because I've seen heaven.

3. "No Shelter" by Broken Edge- My heart was racing as Daniel, dressed as a shower, was trying to escape the bike assault of the Cobra Kai. There truly was no shelter, until a 70 year old japanese guy beat up all of them by himself, while wussy little Daniel was in the fetal position after a whoopin he brought on himself for soaking Johnny while he was trying to get a splif on.

4. "Young Hearts" by commuter- This must have been during that really awkward date where Daniel spills spaghetti on his yellow car that Myagi gave him for cleaning his bathroom. This is one of the weaker moments.

5. "Two to tango" by Paul Davis- Has a song ever fit a moment better, I don't think so.

6. "Tough Love" by Shandi- This is the part where Myagi uses Daniel as a slave as repayment for saving his butt. He could've taught Daniel that stuff in ten minutes, but being the wily old Jap he is, decided heck I'll get my house cleaned. Shandi sums it up just right.

7. "Rhythm Man" by Slayer- This song is about Rhythm and a man. People said that couldn't be done, Slayer did it. This song gets me so mad, I go bowling.

8. "Feel the Night" by Baxter Robertson- I've always been a fan of Baxter's stuff, but this song is so over the top compared to his early stuff. He didn't take chances with his early albums, but he did here. It's like he took out his life savings and threw it down on red and he hit a jackpot with this ditty. Baxter's work would crumble under the expectations this song brought on him. He was the never the same.

9. "Desire" by Gang of Four- This isn't one man gang, it's gang of four. It says a lot about this song, when U2 chose to cover it on it's Rattle and Hum LP. No more needs to be said.

10. "You're the Best" by Motorhead featuring Lemmy.- I'm not going to even talk about this song, because what can you say about the feature song from the feature soundtrack from the feature film of the decade. It is simply, "The best around and nothing has ever kept it down."




"Strike first! Strike hard! No mercy, sir!"

JKDChick
4/29/2003 3:15pm,
Has to be a joke -- because if it isn't I need to beat this person to death.

"I'm willing to bet I could **** up an emu real good, if I got the drop on the bastard."
-- KC Elbows, my new hero.

Whitey
4/29/2003 3:21pm,
I remember I kinda wanted to be Cobra Kai more than Daniel San. What the hell style was that anyway Goju Ryu? Oh yeah this guy is a tool. #7 Slayer?! Go bowling?! WTF


Edited by - Whitey on April 29 2003 15:24:08

PizDoff
4/29/2003 4:35pm,
Dan you feeling ok?

--
Hard work, Patience, Dedication.

Blad3
4/29/2003 5:18pm,
You're the BEST, AROUND! Nothin' eve gonna keep you down, THE BEST, AROUND!!

=====

"I bet you're the kinda guy that would **** a person in the ass and not even have the god damn common courtesy to give him a reach around."

Full Metal Jacket. (http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jacket2.html)

baltasargracian
4/29/2003 5:56pm,
reminds me of the "no retreat,no surrender" and "bloodsport" soundtracks, (opens another can of worms),

actually "no retreat no surrender" is a great mcdojo movie as well.

FingerorMoon?
4/29/2003 6:10pm,
Its okay Dan. We're all friends here. You can admit you wrote it.

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Don't view the glass as half empty, view it as half full of ****.
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Boyd
4/29/2003 8:22pm,
Whitey: It was Goju Ryu. Remember in the Karate Kid III, when Daniel-San actually does a kata in the climatic final battle between him and Karate's Bad Boy? I know that damn form, although now I wish I didn't.

HEY! YOUR WIFE IS UGLIER THAN ANY UGLY PIG!!!

The Wastrel
4/29/2003 9:16pm,
That was hilarious. Is that from Amazon? I have some reviews on there.

"I'm devastating, looking for some refreshment!"

Courtesy of flubtitles.com

patfromlogan
4/29/2003 10:34pm,
I am so happy that someone else loves Karate Kid as much as I do. If you want a great two video night, get the Karate Kid is a Girl (or whatever it was called) and Boys Don't Cry. Same actress, two great movies.

"Hilary Swank is the find of the year, whose previous major role (The Next Karate Kid) gave no hint of the depth and range she finds as Brandon. Effortlessly charming and mercurial," she looses several bra sizes in the second movie, and has forgoten all the good karate moves (and she could have used them).

>>>Always walk on a bright, wide road. If you choose to live with your right posture, you don't have to go on a dark road or a malodorous place. Oyama

PizDoff
4/30/2003 2:14pm,
the whole series was just flaming stupid

--
Hard work, Patience, Dedication.

dburton
4/30/2003 2:24pm,
LOL....I loved that review!!! I'm gonna go practice my fence painting...

DanDavis
5/01/2003 10:54am,
No, guys. I didn't write it. It took me a second time reading it to realize it must be a joke. I've only been getting 5 hours (sometimes less) of sleep each night for the last two months, but expect that to change now that I've finally moved. My wife and I were making an hour and a half commute - each way - to and from work. We lived by Sioux City, IA and work in Sioux Falls, SD. We moved into an apartment in Sioux Falls yesterday.

"Strike first! Strike hard! No mercy, sir!"