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Traditional Tom
1/30/2006 10:55am,
Why god, why?

For those of you who enjoyed the first Underworld movie, you'll probably enjoy the second one too. For those of you who (like me) thought the first one was kinda' stupid, I would recommend another movie.

I was actually pretty psyched for this film. My friend had been building it up and assuring me that it corrected all the past movies wrongs. He told me that there were;
1) more titties
2) less pretense at plot
3) more violence

So I was agreeable to go see the movie with him. (Thank god I get these things for free) However from the opening scene my concerns grew. They were attempting to make it look "olden-daye" by dressing up "soldiers" from what looked to be the "LOTR: Surplus Store - Bargain prices everyday".

Now - from there, here were the highlights of the film for me.

- The WWE style fighting that attempted to look good whenever two main characters fought.

- The pure pwn3g3 that non-named characters received when they got involved in the fighting. They seriously all got taken down in like 5 seconds.

- When the half-werewolf-half-vampire boyfriend dies by being suplexed (or something) onto a large jagged pipe and "dies". Only to come back alive (for reasons not discussed) for no particular reason just in time to "save" the chica.

- The main vampire-guy villain and his wings. Questions - Why the hell does no other vampire have those? - How can he use them with such surgical skill? He could have been a doctor with his talent.

- One of the funniest moments of the film came when (after wolf-boy had been impaled on the large tube) the lady vampire chick (whose forearm had been impaled by one of those weird surgical wing things) tried to pour some of the blood gushing and squirting from her own forearm onto the gaping wound on his chest. Why would blood that fails to heal your own gaping wound do anything to help his? Perhaps if she had put the blood to his mouth I would have understood, but why directly on his wound? Is her blood some sort of magic potion for injuries?

- The kind of Terminator 2-esque moment when she's shooting the vampire guy (with the surgical wings) with a shotgun (which, for some reason, doesn't seem to particularly hurt him) repeatedly, and he's stumbling back in a "T1000" type manner and she runs out of bullets. I half expected to see him fall into a giant pool of molten metal and thrash about before dissolving. This takes place near the end.

- The sex scene. One of the very few reasons to see this movie. Let's face it, she's hot.

- They try to have a plot. Gahhh, it's just so terrible.

- For some reason, the female (at the end) becomes "immune" to the sun. Again, no real explanation for this. Supposedly I guess one could rationalize that because she drank this really old guy's blood, she immune to the sun. But that, along with the rest of the movie, doesn't really make sense.

- At one point in the movie the main villain (after killing wolf boy) grabs two pendents needed to open up a chamber that his brother has been held in for a couple of hundred years. Now, the problems with this are as follows -

1) After a couple of hundred years without nourishment, possibly oxygen, or movement of any kind, I kind of half expected to see bones just dangling from the chains they had imprisoned him in. Which, frankly, would have been much funnier.

2) The main chararacter (chica) manages to procure a helicopter off of the old vampire she just finished drinking like a refreshment beverage and they start flying for an undisclosed location. Now the problems with this were - a) How did wing-boy get there first? I mean I'm not even close to an expert on helicopters and planes and such, but I'm pretty sure they can cover ground at a respectable clip. Next, where the hell did they even go? It looked like they were in some sort of Rocky Mountains location, how did they possibly get there in one night?

- I'm not *exactly* sure on this one. But here goes - During the beginning of the film when wolf-boy is escaping from the proper authorities, he leaps, and lands on top of a police car, causing a serious dent in it. Afterwards the camera angle changes (it tends to do that every couple of seconds) and when we resume view, the inside of the vehicle doesn't have a gigantic dent. If I am right however, that's terrible. You'd think with however millions of dollars they invested in this film they could at least make it consistant. If I'm wrong however, meh.

I can't think of anything else offhand. But my first statements about this movie apply. If you enjoyed the first one, by all means, go see this one. If you didn't, skip it.

Actually I saw a bit of "Fun with Dick and Jane" (I think that's the title anyways) before this movie. We were actually just watching this movie (free of course) before Underworld 2 started and I found a few moments to be actually pretty funny. But we had to leave like halfway through which was pretty crappy. However I'm looking forward to seeing it.

Anyways, I'm done. Feel free to discuss any points I may have missed or argue with me and try to rationalize the crappy moments of this sub-par movie.

Meager
1/30/2006 11:08am,
1) more titties
Does Beckinsale get her tits out? I'll see the movie for that alone.

Knave
1/30/2006 12:12pm,
Greetings.


Does Beckinsale get her tits out? I'll see the movie for that alone.


Oh, is that right?!

http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/003633.html

new2bjj
1/30/2006 12:42pm,
Greetings.




Oh, is that right?!

http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/003633.html
Thats god damn depressing, you know. Can't she see those marks.

Samfoo
1/30/2006 2:10pm,
This thread officially made my morning. I seriously expected to open it up and read "UNDERWORLD ROXX0RSZ TEEEHEEEE GRRL VAMPYRE TEEHEEE". Instead I'm greeted with a master disarming of this movie unrivaled in the modern world.

Congratulations sir, you are an artist. An artist I tell you. I would plus rep you if I could.

JohnnyCache
1/30/2006 4:15pm,
Why god, why?

For those of you who enjoyed the first Underworld movie, you'll probably enjoy the second one too. For those of you who (like me) thought the first one was kinda' stupid, I would recommend another movie.

I was actually pretty psyched for this film. My friend had been building it up and assuring me that it corrected all the past movies wrongs. He told me that there were;
1) more titties
2) less pretense at plot
3) more violence

So I was agreeable to go see the movie with him. (Thank god I get these things for free) However from the opening scene my concerns grew. They were attempting to make it look "olden-daye" by dressing up "soldiers" from what looked to be the "LOTR: Surplus Store - Bargain prices everyday".

Now - from there, here were the highlights of the film for me.

- The WWE style fighting that attempted to look good whenever two main characters fought.

- The pure pwn3g3 that non-named characters received when they got involved in the fighting. They seriously all got taken down in like 5 seconds.

- When the half-werewolf-half-vampire boyfriend dies by being suplexed (or something) onto a large jagged pipe and "dies". Only to come back alive (for reasons not discussed) for no particular reason just in time to "save" the chica.

- The main vampire-guy villain and his wings. Questions - Why the hell does no other vampire have those? - How can he use them with such surgical skill? He could have been a doctor with his talent.

- One of the funniest moments of the film came when (after wolf-boy had been impaled on the large tube) the lady vampire chick (whose forearm had been impaled by one of those weird surgical wing things) tried to pour some of the blood gushing and squirting from her own forearm onto the gaping wound on his chest. Why would blood that fails to heal your own gaping wound do anything to help his? Perhaps if she had put the blood to his mouth I would have understood, but why directly on his wound? Is her blood some sort of magic potion for injuries?

- The kind of Terminator 2-esque moment when she's shooting the vampire guy (with the surgical wings) with a shotgun (which, for some reason, doesn't seem to particularly hurt him) repeatedly, and he's stumbling back in a "T1000" type manner and she runs out of bullets. I half expected to see him fall into a giant pool of molten metal and thrash about before dissolving. This takes place near the end.

- The sex scene. One of the very few reasons to see this movie. Let's face it, she's hot.

- They try to have a plot. Gahhh, it's just so terrible.

- For some reason, the female (at the end) becomes "immune" to the sun. Again, no real explanation for this. Supposedly I guess one could rationalize that because she drank this really old guy's blood, she immune to the sun. But that, along with the rest of the movie, doesn't really make sense.

- At one point in the movie the main villain (after killing wolf boy) grabs two pendents needed to open up a chamber that his brother has been held in for a couple of hundred years. Now, the problems with this are as follows -

1) After a couple of hundred years without nourishment, possibly oxygen, or movement of any kind, I kind of half expected to see bones just dangling from the chains they had imprisoned him in. Which, frankly, would have been much funnier.

2) The main chararacter (chica) manages to procure a helicopter off of the old vampire she just finished drinking like a refreshment beverage and they start flying for an undisclosed location. Now the problems with this were - a) How did wing-boy get there first? I mean I'm not even close to an expert on helicopters and planes and such, but I'm pretty sure they can cover ground at a respectable clip. Next, where the hell did they even go? It looked like they were in some sort of Rocky Mountains location, how did they possibly get there in one night?

- I'm not *exactly* sure on this one. But here goes - During the beginning of the film when wolf-boy is escaping from the proper authorities, he leaps, and lands on top of a police car, causing a serious dent in it. Afterwards the camera angle changes (it tends to do that every couple of seconds) and when we resume view, the inside of the vehicle doesn't have a gigantic dent. If I am right however, that's terrible. You'd think with however millions of dollars they invested in this film they could at least make it consistant. If I'm wrong however, meh.

I can't think of anything else offhand. But my first statements about this movie apply. If you enjoyed the first one, by all means, go see this one. If you didn't, skip it.

Actually I saw a bit of "Fun with Dick and Jane" (I think that's the title anyways) before this movie. We were actually just watching this movie (free of course) before Underworld 2 started and I found a few moments to be actually pretty funny. But we had to leave like halfway through which was pretty crappy. However I'm looking forward to seeing it.

Anyways, I'm done. Feel free to discuss any points I may have missed or argue with me and try to rationalize the crappy moments of this sub-par movie.

It sounds like you were so determined to find it stupid you almost didn't bother watching it, honestly. Most of that stuff is explained.

Vampires in recent fiction generally have an individualized development.

You're worried the entombed guy didn't starve to death, but you're willing to accept that he's an immortal werewolf?

The movie had a couple flaws. I thought it would have been a better film if Speedman stayed dead - srsly. Chicks still would have dug it, look at titannic. And the UV bullets are stupid.

Thaiboxerken
1/30/2006 4:18pm,
If you weren't atheist, Tom, you'd like that movie along with the Chronicles. You are just a heathen.

JohnnyCache
1/30/2006 4:27pm,
I liked chronicles of narnia ok. It's a bit heavy handed when it's crammed into a movie, though.

bad credit
1/30/2006 7:27pm,
I kinda liked the first, but this second movie sucked. The attempt at a intricate plot was just confusing. All the characters were talking about things that weren't shown on screen, and it was assumed that the audience knew what they were talking about. I saw the first movie, and I didn't know what the **** was going on.

So the first movie was all about how Speedman's character had a unique bloodline that allowed him to be bit by vamps and wolves, and become the first hybrid. In the second, we meet another hybrid, which is older than him. From the same bloodline, and they keep talking about how unique Speedman is. He's friggin' not! Did the director have MPD?

I didn't have a problem with different vamps and werewolves having unique powers. That's a very White Wolf World Of Darkness thing. No wonder they sued over the first movie. Anne Rice did it in her novels, too. The old, first ever vamp could walk in sunlight (****, every vamp movie is doing that now), the old hybrid had kickass clawed batwings, and Speedman could regenerate from death and was superstrong, even more so than the other creatures. Speaking of death, the UV bullets and silver made sense for fighting vamps and wolves, but apparently massive damage could overwhelm their regen, also. This is also a World of Darkness thing. I just wish they woulda explained it. I kept thinking the nongeeks in the crowd were even more lost than me.

I also though UV bullets were stupid. How the **** do they spit out radiation? Are they little blacklights? Dumb.

This movie was gory as heck, too. Not that I mind, but I'm pretty jaded, and it grossed even me out. The main baddie getting chucked into a helichopper rotor was pretty cool, though.

The fighting was lame. It looked like TKD/KF chop socky slapfighting. When they grappled all they did was slam each other into walls like school kids fighting in the cafeteria. Lapel grab, WHAM! Lapel grab SLAM!

I noticed continuity errors, too. In the beginning, Beckinsdale gets shot point blank in the gut by a human with a shotgun. She regens, no big deal, knocks the human out. (I thought it was cool the vamps and wolves tryed to stay hidden and seemed to stay away from killing humans, and focused on each other. More W.O.W. stuff. The scene right afterwards, she has no hole in her bodysuit. Not for the rest of the movie, either. My bud said it was armor, but it looked like rubber to me. Besides, what kinda flexible body armor can take a point blank shot from a shotgun? Meh, I guess if they had the tech for UV bullets...

The sex scene also, sucked. They didn't show her boobs, and I didn't even care. I've seen 'em in another movie. However, Speedman was on top, but in mount, not guard. How do you **** a chick if you're hips are above hers? In the belly button? I swear, he was that far up. Also, he was naked, and all you saw was his flank. Not that I wanted to see penis, but when I'm erect, it sticks straight up. I kept thinking they musta used a ton of gaffer tape on his crotchal region to turn him into a R rated eunuch. He musta had to have shaved. You get to see two models tits who were playing vamp concubines, but one of them had the biggest, fakest tits ever. You could see the striations on the silicone bags through the skin. I hate fake tits.

I could think of plenty more that sucked, but I'm spent.

Neildo
1/30/2006 8:30pm,
I'm looking forward to watching this movie without paying for it.

Zendetta
1/30/2006 8:33pm,
That movie bit ballz for alot of different reasons.

Kate does not get meaningfully naked.

THe fight scenes suck.

THe Villains are uninspiring Ren Faire Rejects - weaselly Goth nerds who are totally unthreatening without being CGI monsters.


Just get real wasted and rent Blade 1 again.

Gumby
1/30/2006 9:43pm,
The only reason I was planning on seeing this movie was because I heard Nine Inch Nails is in the soundtrack- now another reason is to see the sex scene.

Some of you guys get way too caught up on fake boobs- If I can squeeze them, thats real enough for me.

Lymetime
1/31/2006 12:46am,
I'd go on a rant, but that takes time and I'm going to bed, instead i'll stick with the Maddox-method of ranking this movie, alah

I'd like to give it an 'A' for effort, but.....'F".

LOL, Take er easy boyz.

-Lymetime

Broken_System
1/31/2006 12:55am,
LOL, yeah I am Traditional Tom's friend. I work at the Movie theatre here so yeah i get movies for free for me and a friend, as many movies as i like.

One thing that Tom forgot to mention that totally puzzled me was the lack of respect for common sense physics lol... Now i must admit i am no physics nerd but something caught my eye that anyone could have seen.

Dont you love it when characters in a movie like this are fighting, they seem to put little effort into throwing each other around in the particular area that theu are in. Therefore you get the understanding that they are either a) 50 lbs. soaken wet, or b) they are super strong, or a little of both :P

Now, think about this for a second, a common military helicopter weighs, oooo i dont know, i am no Military vehicle enthusiast, but lets just say that they are really heavy lol.

Now for a helicopter to stay in the air it needs two things, propultion upwards from the main rotors and stabilization, given by the back rutter.

So, we come to the conclusion that the engines would be really powerful to keep this kind of aircraft suspended in the air for such a length of time...

Something else to concider, The main evil vampire guy, Markus, probably wheighs somewhere in the region of 200 lbs. Given that hes all built, and has those magical wings of death lol. Another given from the movie is that he is super strong, i.e when he is lifting the stone wall up to escape from the trapped area where his twin brother, the super werewolf was imprisoned.


Now compare both weights, on one hand you have the helicopter, with an estimated weight of say 1500 lbs, including the helicopter istelf + crew. and on the other hand you have the 200 lbs'ish Markus character.

So where am I going with all this you ask? Remember the scene where he pulls the helicopter down from out of the air? I say it would be impossible, no matter how strong you are. Given that the helicopter would create enough lift to support the helicopter and crew of say 8.

You would think that no matter how strong he is, he would only lift himself in the air by pulling on the suspended rope of the helicopter. Now i know you are all saying, "its a movie about vampire, werewolves, and creatures in betwee", however you think they could have come up with something more viable such as him flying up and scewering the pilot or some other part of the helicopter with his pointed wings of death, instead of pulling a Chuck Norris somehow and defying the simple basic common sense that we call physics lol.

Well thats about it for my rant of this movie. Overall i really liked it, being my second time seeing the movie already since i get tickets for free.

Anyways i do not discourage people from seeing this movie, it just has some things that you may notice and have a "WTF?" moment lol.

Neildo
1/31/2006 1:00am,
Now compare both weights, on one hand you have the helicopter, with an estimated weight of say 1500 lbs, including the helicopter istelf + crew. and on the other hand you have the 200 lbs'ish Markus character.

I'm gonna go ahead and guess that a helo is much heavier than that. 1500 lbs is a car's weight. and a small one at that.

Haha, that's great. I'll make sure to put my brain in a jar before watching this one.

Cheers!

Broken_System
1/31/2006 1:29am,
lol i admit it is cool, highly unlikely but cool.


and yeah like i was saying earlier, i am no military vehicle enthusiast, I was merely making a guess to total weight, point being that a helicopter would be really heavy lol.