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slideyfoot
11/07/2005 7:46am,
From the work search engine as always:


'Some' violence? Those advisories from censors are so ja-rring

My biggest regret in life, besides not mastering the art of making money, is not learning any martial art.

I also haven't mastered any marital art, which means luckily, unlike my divorced friends, I also haven't picked up the art of losing money.

Actually I haven't learned any visual art too, meaning I'm equally bad at drawing, painting, sculpting and taking illegal photos of pretty girls with my camera phone.
I've been moved to ask why I'm such a hopeless wimp after I recently saw the incredible Thai guy Tony Jaa in person.

Tony, in case you think his name sounds like a sleazy 1970s nightclub dancer, is, in my opinion, the most important martial arts movie star since Jet Li.

In fact, Tony said at a press conference here a couple of weeks ago for his second action flick Tom Yum Goong that he idolises Bruce Lee and would like to act with Jet Li.

He didn't say anything about Ang Lee, Spike Lee or Christopher Lee (Dracula, not Fann Wong's boyfriend) but he may have a thing for them too.

Now when Tony came to promote his debut pic Ong Bak: Muay Thai Warrior two years ago, he staged a big fight at the press con room with five stuntmen.

This time for Tom Yum Goong, he fought with only two because the space was too small and the ceiling so low he would have kicked those fellas into the hotel room upstairs if he tried his fancier moves.

Both times I was there and if I were an insurance man, I wouldn't sell this guy even a Tupperware.

Let me tell you this, even Jackie Chan uses wires to haul his butt up these days but this chap, as wireless as a radio, does things even wires, ropes or cranes don't dare to do.

There's a scene in the movie where he runs vertically up a glass wall in slow motion, like Spider-Man chasing a cockroach, before back-flipping over a motorcyclist who then smashes the glass into pieces.

Even if I know gongfu, I'd hold on until my eighth reincarnated life before trying something like that.

Tom Yum Goong is Tony's Crocodile Dundee where he goes to Sydney in search of two kidnapped elephants which he keeps telling people are his relatives.

I'm not joking, that's the story.

It's totally nuts and I kept laughing every time he popped up, stunning bemused angmohs Down Under with his urgent trunk call in Thai 'Where are my elephants?' It's as funny as a madman going into Les Amis demanding his mee pok tah right now.

I saw the newspaper ad for the show and laughed some more because the advisory said it contained 'some violence'.

Now those advisories are from the censors telling you a film contains 'some disturbing scenes' or 'some sexual scenes' or 'some coarse language', although they never warn you if it's 'one big piece of garbage'.

Some violence in Tom Yum Goong? That's an understatement as accurate as saying Bill Gates has some money in the bank.

Tony broke a heck of a lot of bones in the movie, including those belonging to a gigantic Aussie ex-wrestler named Nathan Jones whom I once saw wrestle at the Singapore Indoor Stadium.

That guy is so huge that when he appeared next to Tony, I thought he had been CGI-ed into the scene like the Tyrannosaurus Rex in Jurassic Park.

At one point, Jones even hurled a baby elephant across the room like he was a hammer thrower at the Olympic Games.

After seeing that insane feat of strength (using a fake elephant, of course), I think it's not too late to include such an event at Beijing 2008.

We could have an elephant-tossing contest right after the pole vault but that would entail pi**ing off elephant man Tony so much that he'd make it into a movie.

I can see it now.

At the gold medal ceremony, Tony would jump in like a lunatic, beat everybody up and, in the process, break every Olympic record on offer.

The advisory from the censor would read 'some crazy scenes'.

Judah Maccabee
11/07/2005 7:55am,
When I first started reading it, I thought it was some 1st-person thing like, Tony Jaa saying "I've never mastered a martial art."

Thank G-d I kept reading.

Ronin
11/07/2005 8:15am,
To this day I don't get the big **** about Ong Bak.

ojgsxr6
11/07/2005 8:22am,
To this day I don't get the big **** about Ong Bak.

The reason I liked it was because if the stunts. It's refreshing to see stunts without wires or CG these days. I could go on a mouth frothing rant on wire fu but I won't. The problem was trying to explain to my friend who has only been exposed to JJJ that he wasn't seeing real Muay Thai.

Ronin
11/07/2005 8:26am,
The reason I liked it was because if the stunts. It's refreshing to see stunts without wires or CG these days. I could go on a mouth frothing rant on wire fu but I won't. The problem was trying to explain to my friend who has only been exposed to JJJ that he wasn't seeing real Muay Thai.


The stunts were ok, I mean, I liked them and all, but Mr.Chan has been then and sone that way before.

Moleculo
11/08/2005 12:43am,
The movie sucked. Even Jaa's antics weren't enough to make it watchable.