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KC Elbows
4/09/2003 11:10am,
Okay, now most of my expertise in really and truly bullshido schools is one specific chain, so I've got some pretty in depth info on this one chain, I can tell you the names of the first instructors, why certain of them left, the wierder incidents, etc. I can tell you how they practice, how they justify their weirdness, and so on.

Now, every once in a while, I'll see a statement by someone in another cheesy school that is a total carbon copy of stuff I've heard before. For instance, should I be discussing their weirdness with school X, I will say "Why do you always call people no minds who leave?" and they will respond, like clock work "Oh, so you were one of the no minds who was kicked out?" To which I respond "Actually, I quit cause all your good instructors left or went to prison and I'd found better stuff" and on and on.

The thing I've noticed is that there's a formula in these schools for justifying making grandiose statements, and then justifying them by one simple non-sequitor. I'm teaching this to all of you, so that you can all start your own little martial arts cults and someday rule the world from your trailer park.

Here goes. Pay close attention. It's simple, but sublime.

The formula goes like this:

MAKE OBSCENELY STUPID CLAIM
WAIT FOR REASONABLE PERSON TO CALL YOU ON CLAIM
TELL THEM THAT THEY SHOULDN'T BE SO NEGATIVE, AFTER ALL, YOU OWN A SCHOOL AND USE THE FACT THAT THEY DON'T BELIEVE IT'S TRUE TO STATE THAT THEY CLEARLY AREN'T IN THE KNOW ABOUT SUCH THINGS

Example:

Grandmaster Shiznit: Because of all my internal training, I eat like four plates at Big Boys, and only crap a tiny nugget of gold.

Reasonable Human: How is that possible? Are you constipated?

Grandmaster Shiznit: You're so negative, If you were actually doing something, you'd know this was true, but you aren't, you're just negative because you've got nothing of your own, after all, I've got a school, what do you have?

I've noticed a certain ninja master doing it, a certain flying champion of all asia, a practitioner of a martial art named after skin blemished from an old wound has done it, and a number of others. You can do it too.

Go ahead, you know you want to try it out. Give me your best bullshido claim.

PizDoff
4/09/2003 11:21am,
Excellent, now I can start a TKD school.

--
Hard work, Patience, Dedication.
The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed later.
"Just one more........rep!!! ARGH!!!" *Collapses*

WTDude
4/09/2003 11:26am,
Step 1: We generally don't worry about learning how to physically defend against a strike or kick because even the intermediate students have developed enough chi power to allow them to immobilize the assailant (without touching them) for long enough to unleash one of our split-second fatal attacks on them.

KC Elbows
4/09/2003 11:30am,
Very nice.

Now, I will play the part of the reasonable person, just for this thread, of course.

Miguk, isn't a popsickle stick too fragile to disembowel a person? I don't believe you.

WT, aren't split second fatal attacks just a big myth?

Miguksaram
4/09/2003 11:30am,
Because of my many years of training in the art of takeyourdo, I have developed the interenal energy to stop your attack by glaring deep in your eyes causing your body to perform a skeletal freeze. Within this art I learned the secrets of how to disembowel a man with a popsickle stick. This is an ancient secret technique taught only in Asia and only passed down from father to son. I had the privledge of learning this art because I rescued my master's son from a burning building. He decided to repay my generosity by teaching me this art.

There were no official ranks in this art but my master told me that I have learned enough to be the equivalent of a 8th dan. He did issue me a certificate that I can easily show you. I only teach the most dedicated students (doctors, lawyers, engineers, millionaires, etc) of this art. I do not do sparring in my classes because the art that I teach is just way too deadly.

I would welcome chanllenges to my art but I can not bare the thought of killing someone who is just a petty envious NHB lover. Questions are welcome but most likely will be danced around when I answer.



Jeremy M. Talbott
http://www.koreanma.homestead.com/index.html
http://www.martialscience.homestead.com/home.html

PizDoff
4/09/2003 11:31am,
Please sign this contract. Just to ensure you are dedicated.

--
Hard work, Patience, Dedication.
The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed later.
"Just one more........rep!!! ARGH!!!" *Collapses*

KC Elbows
4/09/2003 11:32am,
And if I sign the contract, you will teach me how to kill a man using the sound "glurk" coupled with that fancy hand motion?

Miguksaram
4/09/2003 11:38am,
The problem with your disbelief is that you have never experienced any true internal energy practicing. Most of what is taught today is only a small bit and these techniques that I have learned are over 3500 years old. Once you have developed internal energy techniques called sumyungfool, you become one with the wood sending your strength in the popsickle causing the wood to be stronger. It takes many years of practice.

I like the fact that you will not settle for simple answers. You seem like a person who would be a good student. I would like to offer you a trial into my art. Usually I would charge $300.00 for one month lesson, but since I feel you will become a fine student, you did say you work in computers right?, anyway I will give you a discount and charge you only $199.99 for this month. If you would like to I can off you a full instructor's course for only $8000.00. Most people if they monthly would end up paying twice that much. But you seem like a good person who would be dedicated. So would you like to put this on your charge card, or would you rather pay by cash or check?

Jeremy M. Talbott
http://www.koreanma.homestead.com/index.html
http://www.martialscience.homestead.com/home.html

WTDude
4/09/2003 11:40am,
I hate to waste my time responding to such a closed-minded person such as yourself, but I will for the benefit of the people who read theses posts who really want to LEARN something. Our split-second fatal attacks were developed over 10,000 years ago when man still had to defend himself against mastadons and sabre-toothed tigers. This knowledge was almost lost, but our grandmaster discovered it (he is also an archaoligist) and preserved it for all those who have the dedication to train in our art. I realized that you are just jealous because your training is virtually useless against ours, but you could try to handle it with a little more maturity, KC.

KC Elbows
4/09/2003 11:54am,
miguk has just demonstrated the advanced techniques. Let's break it down.

First, he tells the mark, I mean the potential student, how the student knows nothing, and next to Miguk, is like an "ant in the afterbirth", to quote Thomas Harris' Red Dragon, which has nothing to do with this.

Next, he makes the student feel like there's hope, and immediately goes into the money, and suggests to the student that he is saving money by spending more money. He establishes the mark, I mean potential student's, source of income, flatter's the student more, and suggests a payment method before the individual has agreed to anything.

This works best if you have two men with black belts manning the one exit out of the room this is going on in.

You'll notice that at no time does he actually offer to teach me how to do any of the things that he claimed to be able to do. If he taught me, then I could leave and start my own school. No, he will lead me along, until I wish to open a school UNDER him, in order to show my allegiance to him and get closer to the special powers he described to me, but never offered to teach me. When I open a school, he will charge me for the storefront sign, the brochures, the uniforms, as well as for further, rare lessons with him, not to mention his own testing fees, etc.

Once I become sick of that and leave, he will tell everyone I didn't stick it out and learn the high level secret stuff that he described to me, but never offered or attempted to teach.

Nicely done.

As for WTDude, he has used the advanced technique of the snipe. By quickly recognizing that I am not going to fall for his story, he recovers by passively accusing me of being jealous and immature, and using my fabricated jealousy and insecurity as a warning to those who follow him that such behavior, questioning the cultmaster, will clearly lead to not being able to do mastodon form, simultaneously marginalizing me and keeping his own followers in check.

Nicely done.

SamHarber
4/09/2003 11:56am,
I would like to publicly state that I am saddened by two of my junior students making such grandioise claims when they only studied at my dojo for only 3 months, and hence only learnt a fraction of the secrets I am in possesion of. Cowardo has a rich tapestry of skills dating back to its founding 27,000 years ago by aboriginal australians. This art has been taught father to son to the present day, each generation learning and adding something new to the art.
An example of the poor understanding WT has of Cowardo is his Split Second Fatal Attack. This is a beginners technique we teach to children under the age of 5. Masters of Cowardo can perform sub quantum death strikes, that have an effect before any movement is even made. It is this economy of motion that makes Cowardo the formidable art that it is. Combined with our superior meditative and mind controlling techniques (of which Miguksaram only knows the level 1 skill) in a proveable 98% of all fights a Cowardo master can win before the opponent even knows he's going to attack.
In addition to their paucity of knowledge, I am saddened by their shoddy business practices of outrageous monthly charges. For those who wish to learn Cowardo from me, all you need do is send the deeds of your house to my solicitor, along with a signed consent form from all the people living there.
Yours
GrandSoke Sam Harber

PizDoff
4/09/2003 12:03pm,
My son, it is "archeologist."

KC Elbows-That is for our advanced students only.

--
Hard work, Patience, Dedication.
The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed later.
"Just one more........rep!!! ARGH!!!" *Collapses*

Omen Stone
4/09/2003 12:34pm,
Does you son get beat up at school? Do you worry about little mary when she comes home from her job at night? Do your children need protecting? Well sign them up at my school for only 399 a month! Sure its high but is it worth more then your childs safety?

"A California man has been taken to court for stalking Anna Nicole Smith. The man has been charged with invasion of privacy, illegal trespassing, and having really bad taste."-Conan

strats36
4/09/2003 12:46pm,
Grandmaster Shiznit: Because of all my internal training, I eat like four plates at Big Boys, and only crap a tiny nugget of gold.



If you can show me how to crap gold I'll sign up!

That's too funny. I laughed out loud at work when I read that!

PizDoff
4/09/2003 12:59pm,
you mean, you almost crapped your pants?
:)

--
Hard work, Patience, Dedication.
The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed later.
"Just one more........rep!!! ARGH!!!" *Collapses*

Gezere
4/09/2003 1:14pm,
Naw these methods are tired and old. Best left to mortals. I call for my followers to become zombies thus freeing themselves from their mortal restraints.

However I am intrigued by this crapping gold bit. Much study is needed.

______
Xiao Ao Jiang Hu Zhi Dong Fang Bu Bai (Laughing Proud Warrior Invinsible Asia) Emporer of Baji!!!
THE TRUE FIST OF THE NORTHSTAR!!
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/2657/hyaku.gif