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~$G$~
7/30/2004 5:09pm,
So last night I was having a little "get together", and one of my friends decided to go climbing halfway through the night. About forty five minutes after he left he called us (me and two other kids) hysterical, and started to scream over the receiver that he had been bouldering up Little Cottonwood Canyon (UT) and heard some noises below the rock that he was on.
When he got to the top he heard some growling, and thinking it might have just been a bobcat or some other ferrel animal, turned on his flashlight only to be met with a large, tan, menacing ass mountain lion pacing below him. :eek:
Me and my friends could hear him shouting over the phone and some muffled big cat noises humming in the distance.
So, me and my two friends, pretty plastered at this point, grab a broom, and whatever else we had on us at the time, (a bottle, a fistload, and a knife) and start heading up the cabin.
I guess our reasoning was that if three of us jumped it, we could probably hurt it badly enough that it would leave, or, one or all of us would be injured or kill the animal in a straight out brawl. (did I mention I was reaaallllly drunk?) :confused:
So we get to where my friend was climbing, about two hundred yards away from the road and we hear some rustling off in the bushes and my friend screaming and shoating at the top of his lungs.
We all run up under the boulder and see that he is noticeabley shook up, he tells us that the thing had dragged his chalk bag away from the rest of his stuff, and that he'd called his sponser and animal control, and they'd said that there had been some sort of animal attacking and eating neighborhood dogs for the past couple of months.
We hurried and grabbed his mat and went of quickly to find his chalk bag, which we found about thirty feet away in some shrubs.
Everything was covered in a thick and viscous slobber.
My friend, noticeably jolted from all of this was all like, "Lets get THE **** out of here. NOW!"

On the way back me and the other kids were kind of upset that we didn't see the cougar, and get bragging rights and cred for life, but we were definitely glad that we didn't come to the scene of it eating our friends mauled carcass either

So... in retrospect, the moral of the story is, Jack Daniels may not make you Mas Oyama, but it may make you THINK you're Mas Oyama.
Peace:D

JKDChick
7/30/2004 5:21pm,
Do you know, I originally read the title of the thread as "Run in (as in, "run into the room") with a cougar" and thought you were proposing some new novel self-defense tactic.

"Huck a great big fucking CAT at the guy! He'll never expect that!"

Ignore Ned, by the way. I think his Auntie Flo is visiting.

TheManchu
7/30/2004 5:25pm,
Speaking for everyone in the world, next time, **** the chalk bag.

~$G$~
7/30/2004 5:29pm,
um...hmmmm what to say to that?? ah, here it is, why don't you suck my balls, you flaming ****?
I have an idea, we make this right, "brother"?
why don't you and all the other bitter, latent homosexual haters get together with me, maybe we can beat up "fags", burn crosses, and salute the nazi flag together...ah yes, that sounds like some male bonding you'd probably enjoy.
Remember, I'm from Utah, I'm used to my homosexual friends getting mugged and beat, and people like me who chill with them getting taunted by assholes like you, until I crack their fucking heads. You ain't ****.
Get a life, you fascist ****!
If you're ever in the SLC area, hit me up, I'd be glad to call the pink posse on your ass.
That's how I roll, bitch.

~$G$~
7/30/2004 5:40pm,
hmmm...gee.
golly gosh.
I guess the JD hasn't worn off yet. now where the hell is that shitfaced grin thingy....
**** it, I'm having a smoke.

PizDoff
7/30/2004 5:54pm,
I love older women. We have great lesbian orgies.

~$G$~
7/30/2004 6:11pm,
"Huck a great big fucking CAT at the guy! He'll never expect that!"

I think I saw a spread in maxim a year ago where there was a self defense diagram of somebody with a bag of wild ferrets he opened when assaulted. Nothing can beat the, "toss em with styrofoam floaties into a vat of slow working acid surrounded by carniverous earwigs" technique though.

Or the egyptian eyegoggles.
Which require no pants and a zip cord to do properly.

Roidie McDouchebag
7/31/2004 7:59am,
I was sure this thread had nothing to do with actual cats when I read the title.

Also...what is with this gay talk? Are you actually gay, or is ned just a dink?

~$G$~
8/01/2004 2:20am,
Originally posted by I Choke You
I was sure this thread had nothing to do with actual cats when I read the title.

Also...what is with this gay talk? Are you actually gay, or is ned just a dink?

ugh. I'm straight. I swear to God, though, I'm considering a celibate and monastic type life...these chicas keep fucking with my head, and not the one I'd like them fucking with.:D

Greese
8/01/2004 5:00am,
Originally posted by ~$G$~
ugh. I'm straight. I swear to God, though, I'm considering a celibate and monastic type life...these chicas keep fucking with my head, and not the one I'd like them fucking with.:D
Yeah, because there was nothing gay about monks. This is his subtle way of saying he wasnts to be a catholic priest, but can't stop fucking the boys long enough to get in.

~$G$~
8/01/2004 5:27am,
Hey...if you're ever in SLC, PM me before, so I can plant my foot in your ass.

~$G$~
8/01/2004 5:29am,
Originally posted by nedhinkly
die fag

I'm sure if he ever met you, Jesus would slap the **** out of you.
Now go jerk off to Joshua, you ignorant ass. I probably know more about theology and christianity than you do, and I'm an atheist!

Greese
8/01/2004 5:36am,
Suprise suprsise, the nihlist is an athiest.
This was probably after he got out of his gothic phase because all the cool kids picked on him.

~$G$~
8/01/2004 5:41am,
Originally posted by greese1
Suprise suprsise, the nihlist is an athiest.
This was probably after he got out of his gothic phase because all the cool kids picked on him.

What the **** is your problem? Were you molested as a child? Seriously...get a grip, ************! I can't kick the **** out of you over the computer...you're lucky as ****.

Greese
8/01/2004 5:42am,
I will repeat this again, because it is obvious you are retarded...
SHOW UP IN VEGAS.

Greese
8/01/2004 5:43am,
Originally posted by ~$G$~
What the **** is your problem? Were you molested as a child? Seriously...get a grip, ************! I can't kick the **** out of you over the computer...you're lucky as ****.
What, did that analysis hit a little close to home?