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View Full Version : Giving $ with no expectation of return - slight misfire



Lily
12/14/2018 4:51am,
I gave a sort of friend money to help with legal costs as I felt strongly about how she had been treated. This was a few months ago and given with the clear statement we would not discuss it further and she owed me nothing. I gave it freely as I know money given doesnít always come back.

She wanted to give me some of her paintings and when we catch up on the occasion she would ask me to choose one. Theyíre not my style and Iíve just said there is no need.

Today she messages me that sheís happy at her new workplace and still working through past events and that she wanted to pay me back. I was surprised and just responded with an update about my life, holiday plans and said it was up to her if she wanted to pay me back but that I never expected it. I really donít!

She replied back to send my account details and she would pay it back in instalments of $200. Next message something about life/family and seeing me before Christmas which I would like. Within minutes though she deleted the message about paying me back in instalments. Now Iím a tiny bit ticked off. Why even bring it up? Why ask for my account details, or drop that itís in instalments then delete the message and probably hope I hadnít seen it?

Should I text her my account details and also confirm our next catch up? Or let her off?

Kravbizarre
12/14/2018 6:55am,
Did you expect the money to return? you said no. Are you in need of cash yourself? Is it worth losibg a friend over (if she has bitchy tendancies)?

Devil
12/14/2018 9:30am,
I would just pretend no money discussions occurred yet, since you’re unclear of her intentions. Proceed with normal conversation. If she really is serious about wanting to pay you back she’ll bring it up again and clarify her intentions.

Lily
12/14/2018 3:20pm,
^ done and organised a post Christmas catch up as normal. I don’t expect or need the money back. I gave it and asked her never to bring it up or speak of it.

Lily
12/14/2018 4:02pm,
Did you expect the money to return? you said no. Are you in need of cash yourself? Is it worth losibg a friend over (if she has bitchy tendancies)?
Krav, she was my sonís preschool teaching assistant (a mature aged lady) and a wonderful educator with a big heart. She never asked for the money at all. I am impulsive and when I perceive a problem Iíll try to fix it my way, maybe I need to learn from this :/

Diesel_tke
12/18/2018 11:25am,
People are weird. I would just let it ride. Don't bring it up and pretend she didn't either. She probably really does want to pay you back she just isn't able to. And most likely, saying she is going to makes her feel better about taking it. But the fact that she hasn't just came out and gave you money, means she really isn't able to.

I would let it ride and know that dealing with this repercussion is just what happens dealing with people. You are a good person and don't let this keep you from helping other people. Just chalk it up to the unusual nature of humans, insecurities, social dynamics, and mental issues.

Omega Supreme
12/18/2018 4:52pm,
Meh, it's just money. I never lend money out expecting to get paid back.

battlefields
12/18/2018 7:40pm,
Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

PDA
12/19/2018 6:45am,
Send her my account details