PDA

View Full Version : Can someone tell me the most ridiculous McDojo story?



Pages : [1] 2 3 4 5

mercmonster
5/01/2015 5:42pm,
I'm still new into all this, so I wanna hear the best story you have of a McDojo or any Fraudsters. The best story gets nudes.

Also, I'm a noob - can someone tell me how I can change my avatar? I feel naked without a picture of David Hasselhoff emblazoning my profile.

ghost55
5/01/2015 7:23pm,
For the avatar thing, either post too much or become a supporting member. I (fortunately?) don't have any McDojo stories. I have depressing stories from training Aikido for a few months, but those places were cheap clubs run by "true believers".

mercmonster
5/01/2015 8:28pm,
For the avatar thing, either post too much or become a supporting member. I (fortunately?) don't have any McDojo stories. I have depressing stories from training Aikido for a few months, but those places were cheap clubs run by "true believers".

Ahhhh well then I shall become a posting animal!

And while that's fortunate for you, I get no lulzy stories, so not so much for me.

Mr. Machette
5/01/2015 9:10pm,
One time in band camp i aikido'd.
I say "how do breakfall"?
They make re-tie belt and walk only towards shrine of great peanut uncle.
"Breakfall, now?"
"Grab my wrist"
Douchey ballet ensues.
"I'd like fall softer"
"Grab their wrist"
Le doucherie part duex
"Game over, two classes weekly OVER NINETHOUSAND!!!! (fruity pajamas mandatory)"
"Break... Fall?"
Glassy eyed stare...
"Over nine thousand."
Synopsis:
Condescendingly overpriced sword catalog in cubby corner wuz cool.

ermghoti
5/03/2015 7:46am,
Scroll around in the MeagThread subforum, there are a couple threads that are rich in McDojo tales.

goodlun
5/03/2015 11:42am,
Not so much a McDojo story as just a sad sad story.
So being a small nerdy lad I wanted to learn Martial Arts.
Since the guy up the street was inexpensive since he taught out of his garage and what he taught was an Olympic sport I ended up having to do that hey at least I got to wear a Gi.
The guy was good in fact he was training his Daughter to go compete in the 1992 Olympic Games.
So I went and did that good stuff for a while. But being a stupid kid and being like what the **** we don't kick or punch anyone this **** is stupid I want to do **** like I see in the movies.
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1714076416/tt0103596?ref_=tt_ov_i
But in the strip mall there was a place I think it was literally called "martial arts academy" and OH boy they taught like 10 different forms of Martial Arts Including all of those things I saw Chuck Norris do and **** like in the Karate Kid.
Year long contract paid for up front (not a big deal I did Judo for more than a year)
Just Air Sparing (Cause if you hit each other when your older you will have problems)
Oh and due to my size but not skill I got bumped from my proper age group to the little kids class which was bullshit.
All around A fucking stupid move.

Eudemic
5/03/2015 2:20pm,
I'm still new into all this, so I wanna hear the best story you have of a McDojo or any Fraudsters. The best story gets nudes.

Also, I'm a noob - can someone tell me how I can change my avatar? I feel naked without a picture of David Hasselhoff emblazoning my profile.

My most ridiculous McDojo story comes from Z-Ultimate school of Shaolin Kempo, or "Ultimate Kempo". I trained there for all of two months back in 2013, intending to become a full-time/paid instructor there, in which time I was able to achieve the rank of yellow-belt. They eventually kicked me out because I was too much in the habit of "resisting" my training partners, which they felt I was doing purposely due to not understanding the consepts of respect and humility.

I can't recall any specific stories from there at the moment other than the "apply for instructor job and get the boot for good training habits", but the fact that the school is a blatantly commercial franchise which agreed to hire me (who had virtually no history in any related arts at the time) as an instructor on the basis of me -claiming- several years of previous MA experience really should speak for itself.

http://www.zultimate.com


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbDXMA9VH98

FinalLegion
5/03/2015 3:00pm,
I'm not sure if this counts but back in the mid 1980's I did waste two days of my life attending a free 'two day of lessons' promotion at a Dux-Ryu school that opened in my town.

Yes, I gave two days of my life to Dux-Ryu. I am still ashamed to this day.

goodlun
5/03/2015 7:30pm,
I'm not sure if this counts but back in the mid 1980's I did waste two days of my life attending a free 'two day of lessons' promotion at a Dux-Ryu school that opened in my town.

Yes, I gave two days of my life to Dux-Ryu. I am still ashamed to this day.

**** no, no need to feel shame, after watching blood sport and being a stupid ass kid I would have totally singed up for a Dux-Ryu given the chance.

Holy Moment
5/03/2015 8:54pm,
I like to take trial classes at karate schools and just ask the instructor technical questions the whole time. I recommend that everybody try this.

"Doesn't blocking low with your arm leave your face wide open?''

"Should I put my hips into the front kick?"

The blank stares you get are pretty amazing.

BackFistMonkey
5/03/2015 9:17pm,
I like to take trial classes at karate schools and just ask the instructor technical questions the whole time. I recommend that everybody try this.

"Doesn't blocking low with your arm leave your face wide open?''

"Should I put my hips into the front kick?"

The blank stares you get are pretty amazing.

First hand experience here ... people don't like that ****. The Quest Martial Arts Center in Dayton featuring Mr Stephen K Hayes asked me, very politely, not to come back. I was just having a hard time wrapping my head around all the tumbling with training weapons and why they were calling per-arranged drills sparring.

I didn't even make it out on the floor...

big maclol
5/03/2015 10:28pm,
I met a cliché ninjer guy about last year at a cigar/cider bar. He was a bartender and it was a empty day and then he was talking about MA so I joined in and he was stereotypically talking about how guys in MMA don't train to kill and how Judo guys don't put guys off balance before they throw some one.

The thing is - I was curious and asked him where he trains and he told me they train at a local park at 4pm and that I couldn't miss him because they're all wearing black.

And he was not kidding one bit....

Edit: It was every weds at 4 and it was a thurs and I was leaving in a few days (I was visiting a town in South Dakota)

ghost55
5/04/2015 12:55am,
Judo guys don't put guys off balance before they throw some one.


I almost spit water all over my laptop. Kazushi bitch, do you use it?!

The Cap
5/04/2015 1:46am,
Kazushi bitch, do you use it?!

No but I'm a sometime fan of kuzushi.

Romanization pedant, AWAY!

Interestingly though, maybe you shouldn't "use" it (or think about it):
http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=108438

ghost55
5/04/2015 2:20am,
No but I'm a sometime fan of kuzushi.

Romanization pedant, AWAY!

Interestingly though, maybe you shouldn't "use" it (or think about it):
http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=108438

Heh. I only really know the word from having my judo senseis yell it at me during randori. That is a damn interesting writeup BTW.

Evergrey
5/04/2015 4:37am,
Other than watching West Wind dojo for random entertainment when I happen to be in Alameda?

Eh one time I went to a free Kung Fu "self defense" class that 24 hour fitness was hosting. The school was downstairs at the mall. I figured hey, best case scenario, I learn something new and cool. Worst case, I get injured by Cobra Kai Hung Fu. Most likely scenario, lulz.

It was, of course, an advertisement for their school more than anything else. Most of the people who wandered in left after about 5 minutes. I think the only people who stayed were me, a big lifting bro, and a 60 or so year old woman wearing nurse scrubs.

The response they suggested for someone putting their hands up at you and saying "get out of my face" was interesting, since to me, that means "leave me alone, I don't want to fight," but to them it apparently meant you should break their jaw, their knee, some ribs, and their testicles. They tried to teach a bewildering number of sequenced attacks that would make Master Ken from Ameri-Do-Te proud.

Because I said I'd "trained in some martial arts before," they partnered me with one of their senseis and then had the lifting bro and the elderly nurse partner up.

Instructor guy told me to palm heel strike the hinge of his jaw as hard as I could.

"Uh... no? I mean I am not a badass but I break concrete sometimes with a palm heel strike. Sometimes. And sometimes I fail because, not a badass. But no dude I am not going to hit your jaw right there as hard as I can."

"No we're tough."

"Look man, my head instructor's a cop. I do not want to go back there and tell him how I broke some other instructor's jaw."

"Oh we won't press charges."

"Yeah, not the point."

I was later told by an instructor "heh, I would've hit him hard. Be careful what you ask for. An instructor should know better."

I tapped him on the jaw instead. The steps were so convoluted and I couldn't see how they could work in a real situation where the person attacking you is going to be reacting in unpredictable ways. I was always taught to keep it simple and get your ass out of there. And also that you had to bring an appropriate level of force to the situation, or your ass is the one going to jail.

Lifting bro and nurse were utterly lost and confused.

"Uh, if he is saying 'get out of my face,' is it really appropriate to break his jaw and knee? I don't think the law would take your side on that, sifu?"

"Better to be tried by twelve than carried by six!"

Yeah, he said that.

Wau.

After the class, the sifu in charge, who I think said he was "master so and so," I dunno, maybe like "Master Dave" or something, told me all about how he had been in so many bar fights, but his training kept him alive and uninjured.

"Why is this instructor guy getting in so damn many bar fights? Why is this something to be proud of?" I wondered. I smiled and nodded and made my best "impressed" face.

"Well hey, you know it sounds like you guys like to spar with some contact. My dojo has an open sparring event once a month, it's just a friendly thing where we all have fun and learn from one another, would you like to come out and spar?"

"Oh, I couldn't do that. I'm next in line to be Grand Master! My current Grand Master would not permit it. We keep it in our school." Uh why?

Break the elbow, break the jaw, stomp the kneecap, stomp the groin, shatter the ribs, re-stomp the groin, and depart!