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Dr. Fagbot Q. MacGillicuddy, PhD
4/26/2004 6:12am,
alright, it's not like anyone should give a ****, but i have to share this story with someone. and who better than my imaginary, electronic bullshido pals?

so i grew up in a broken home yadda yadda and never really got too close to my pop until the last few years (when, in my early 30s, i somehow pretty much started transforming into a straight-up replica him -- these things happen).

anyway, he was in town saturday w/my stepmom and i was taking them and my little bro out for a couple of beers after supper... we're driving along and dad asks me about the kickboxing training i started up a couple of months ago. we're chatting and he turns to me and says, 'you ever watch kickboxing on tv? i like that one guy... what's his name... the black guy from holland..."

'uh... ernesto hoost?'

'yeah, that's him. that guy can fight! and that big bob guy... he can't fight worth a lick, but he's as big as a house...'

so i was like, 'wow... my dad watches k1. that's freakin' cool.'

after a few minutes of k1 chat, my dad says, 'you know, i studied karate for three years before you were born.'

'oh yeah?'

'yeah. the instructor was this military guy who had been in the occupational forces in japan after ww2. he married a japanese woman and everything. when he got back to the states, he started running a class in the basement of this place, just so he'd have someone to work out with.'

'what was it like?'

'we didn't have bags or anything. there were exposed beams holding up the ceiling, and we wrapped 'em in those old, gray mats they used to have back then and used those for practicing punching and kicking. they had no give. i had huge calcium deposits on my knuckles and shins for 10 years after i stopped training with the guy.'

'wow... sounds rough.'

'yeah, it kind of was. he started out with 40 students, and two weeks later we were down to four people. the floor was cement, and he would have us practice for a little bit and then just fight. like i said, the only reason he had that class was because he wanted people to spar. i think we learned one kata the entire three years i was with him... and only because a couple of new guys kept badgering him about it. he would say they were only for show. he would only teach us low kicks and punches. i remember one class i broke a guy's arm... and another time a girl broke her hand punching me. i was always bruised up back then. it was fun.'

at this point i was pretty much stunned... my dad, k1 fan and bruised basement warrior. i never knew. later on he said the guys name was paul and he thinks the style may have been wado ryu, but he's not sure.

anyway, like i said, i don't expect anyone else to give a crap, but as you might imagine i thought all of this was just about the coolest thing i had ever heard.

stoogejitsu
4/26/2004 6:48am,
Cool story, I felt the same way when I found out my dad was a really good boxer in his day, those old timers were/are tough (well many of them anyway).

Guerilla Fists
4/26/2004 10:44am,
I got bad news bad news hughes, old people lie. Sorry man, my grandpa single handedly dismantled the German War Machine over night, but they use WWII as a cool cover up to the incredulity...at least that is what he says. My uncle in Fresno ran the entire farm by himself for 60 years despite the fact that would have been 7 when he assumed sole responsibility...at least that is what he says. My dad loves me...at least that is what he says.

JK, cool dad.

Dr. Fagbot Q. MacGillicuddy, PhD
4/26/2004 10:52am,
you know, i actually wondered how much of what he was telling me was bullshit. after a few more drinks, he started going on about being able to channel chi to different parts of his body to increase striking power, etc. i was like, 'dad, no disrespect, but that sounds... well, made up.' but he let me break a beer bottle on his crotch to no apparent ill effect, and did some kind of one-touch knockout on the waitress, which was pretty impressive. also matt lindland just happened to be there and tried to shoot in on the old man, and pop eye-gouged the **** out of him and made him cry. boy was i convinced then!

Ka-Bar
4/26/2004 12:28pm,
Did he also flip out and start cutting pirates' heads off and then wail on a guitar? Cuz that would be totally sweet.

By the way, I just found out that my dad fought in a secret kumite tournament in the Bahamas in the 70's. He won of course, even after being blinded in the final match, which is bragable.

Ka-Bar
4/26/2004 12:29pm,
Seriously, I think it's cool that you're getting close to your Pops after all these years.

WingChun Lawyer
4/26/2004 12:29pm,
My dad is also a lawyer, who go the worst final marks in his law school for his entire class. That is bragable.

Dr. Fagbot Q. MacGillicuddy, PhD
4/26/2004 12:51pm,
Originally posted by Ka-Bar
Seriously, I think it's cool that you're getting close to your Pops after all these years.

yeah, it is cool. we hold hands, write each other poetry... and we have a lot more in common (besides k1 and ****) than i ever dreamed. he likes fishing; i like fishing... he likes beer; i like beer... he's 60, but could easily pass for a guy in his late 40s; i'm 35, but could easily pass for a guy in my late 40s...

Guerilla Fists
4/26/2004 1:10pm,
Originally posted by Ka-Bar
Did he also flip out and start cutting pirates' heads off and then wail on a guitar? Cuz that would be totally sweet.

By the way, I just found out that my dad fought in a secret kumite tournament in the Bahamas in the 70's. He won of course, even after being blinded in the final match, which is bragable.

**** I almost forgot about the time my mom made 100 tortillas in an hour and my dad tried to steal the tortillas with his laser but my mom just shoved the tortillas down his throat until he choked. Then she kicked my dog in the nuts cuz it was barking and it exploded. But then two of my dog's dog friends jumped at her but she split kicked each one in the nuts. Then they exploded and then threw up on eachother. Then she had a hot flash I think, I don't know cuz I was porkin a hot babe whenever I want.
Yup, that's my mom. She's almost done with menopause, which is bragable.

Ka-Bar
4/26/2004 1:33pm,
Originally posted by Guerilla Fists
**** I almost forgot about the time my mom made 100 tortillas in an hour and my dad tried to steal the tortillas with his laser but my mom just shoved the tortillas down his throat until he choked. Then she kicked my dog in the nuts cuz it was barking and it exploded. But then two of my dog's dog friends jumped at her but she split kicked each one in the nuts. Then they exploded and then threw up on eachother. Then she had a hot flash I think, I don't know cuz I was porkin a hot babe whenever I want.
Yup, that's my mom. She's almost done with menopause, which is bragable.

When I pork hot babes, I sport like 16 boners. Or one huge, black boner, huger and blacker than any other boner.

Ka-Bar
4/26/2004 1:38pm,
Originally posted by bad news hughes
yeah, it is cool. we hold hands, write each other poetry...

You should post some of your poems. Maybe read them during Bullshido's weekly Open Mic Night.


and we have a lot more in common (besides k1 and ****) than i ever dreamed. he likes fishing; i like fishing... he likes beer; i like beer... he's 60, but could easily pass for a guy in his late 40s; i'm 35, but could easily pass for a guy in my late 40s...

Who would have thought that 2 old guys, who just happen to like fishing and beer, would ever find each other?

Dr. Fagbot Q. MacGillicuddy, PhD
4/26/2004 1:49pm,
Originally posted by Ka-Bar
Who would have thought that 2 old guys, who just happen to like fishing and beer, would ever find each other? [/B]

it's like a movie... a beautiful movie, with walter matthau.

a poem:

dad
you're so awesome
just the thought of
you and ernesto hoost
skipping through meadows and
fucking up posers
friends forever
gives me a boner
a boner that's huger
and blacker
than any other boner