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jgarland
4/29/2011 11:07pm,
Disclaimer: This thread is not to insult those who practice Kung Fu (who I respect), but rather, to laugh mercilessly at the many hoards of untrained people who live under the impression that they practice Kung Fu.

For any of you who have seen 'The Forbidden Kingdom' and many other Kung Fu films, it is easy to blame western society for all the crap that the average person associates with the Chinese martial arts. I mean, seriously, who the hell puts Jackie Chan and Jet Li in the same martial arts film together, and then makes them supporting characters to some unknown white guy whose face didn't even make it onto some of the film's posters?

The same goes with 'The Karate Kid', where for some reason the directors seemed to think "Should we have a film about a dedicated and skilled asian student learning and excelling at an asian martial art? Nah, this film would be so much better with a western kid who learns to fight by polishing cars". In the new, Chinese orientated remake of course, he learns by picking up his clothes. Strangely enough, my little brother now cleans his room under my mother's threat that if he doesn't, "You're never gonna be a Kung Fu master": see the kind of crap people have come to link to Kung Fu? My little brother's heart is going to break when he finds out that the mop my mum gave him doesn't help with his bo staff practice :'(

And of course, we have the fact that the remake of 'Karate Kid' was actually about Kung Fu and that I have seen Karate schools with giant movie posters of Jaden Smith offering to make you "the next Karate kid" (What do you mean not qualified to teach Kung Fu? My 15th degree blackbelt means I can call myself Sifu if I want to, bitch).

But now, I can finally say, that despite all of our hard work, we as westerners have not succeeded in single handedly ruining much of what was good in the Chinese martial arts. Yes, the ancient Chinese masters themselves were actually partly responsible for the BS that has led unsuspecting female Yellow Bamboo practitioners to allow themselves to be punched in the head whilst under the impression that their yelling would be enough to force an assailant to his knees ( http://www.bullshido.net/forums/vbtube_show.php?do=tube&tubeid=63#watch ).

What am I offering you?: no, not the irrefutable and undenyable truth, but rather some highly biased and not necessarily representative information on how the Shaolin monks set in motion much of the BS that was to infect the martial arts world in the future.

In the next installment: Why my highly biased and single-sourced information is better than yours, A.K.A. The ancient Chinese power of shrinking your balls inside your body at the sign of danger (No, sadly, I am not joking here).

Until next time, From the devoted author with the pacifiers above his posts that ensure that you will not take him seriously (or track him down in order to deliver a well-deserved Kung Fu ass-kicking)

jspeedy
4/29/2011 11:33pm,
What the hell is a Bo staff?

Answer: A) Donatello used one
B) Dosen't exist
C) A contrived buzz word martial arts movie enthusiasts use to sound legit in front of their fellow virgin and less informed friends.

...you suck!... I thought this was going to be a real post, not just some guy bitching about how movies are *surprise* not real.

Just Guess
4/29/2011 11:52pm,
Is it okay that I'm actually glad that Hollywood fight scenes don't look anything like this any more?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlejMy9zLdI

I love Judo, but that was not visually interesting and I doubt your average movie goer would find it very exciting.

jgarland
4/30/2011 12:09am,
I entirely agree with both of you, I was going to cut straight to the chase about the ancient Chinese monk Wu Toy San Ling Qung's writings that described how one might train to kill others without touching them, or how you can shatter boulders with your hand, amongst other mystic rumours. But alas, the simple thought of some of 'Forbidden Kingdom', led me on a rant about western society's contribution to the crap that has become wrapped up with many of the Chinese martial arts. I should instead, have straight away described the Chinese influences on the way so many have practiced certain pointless tasks in the hopes of gaining mystical fighting abilities. Sorry that my post didn't offer anything useful.

Johnny Y.
4/30/2011 12:44am,
Is it okay that I'm actually glad that Hollywood fight scenes don't look anything like this any more?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlejMy9zLdI

I love Judo, but that was not visually interesting and I doubt your average movie goer would find it very exciting.

The boring-ness isn't the fault of the art, but how it's filmed. Cinematography has come a long way since 1945. The end fight in GoldenEye could be made boring with less interesting fight choreography, camera angles, musical score, poorer acting . . .

A big thing that's missing from that old fight is the brutality that two people who're genuinely trying to kill one another would have. The fighting doesn't look real. Fake punches look fake.

100xobm
4/30/2011 1:09am,
Is it okay that I'm actually glad that Hollywood fight scenes don't look anything like this any more?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlejMy9zLdI

I love Judo, but that was not visually interesting and I doubt your average movie goer would find it very exciting.

I love that fight. Shows real skill and technique. Like this one:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7zvffHu_wo

I prefer guns in my games, swords and fists in my movies.

Just Guess
4/30/2011 1:49am,
I love that fight. Shows real skill and technique. Like this one:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7zvffHu_wo

I prefer guns in my games, swords and fists in my movies.
I always loved this scene. Manly tears.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6m7NR6iYjg&NR=1

Permalost
4/30/2011 2:01am,
Is it okay that I'm actually glad that Hollywood fight scenes don't look anything like this any more?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlejMy9zLdI

I love Judo, but that was not visually interesting and I doubt your average movie goer would find it very exciting.
I liked when fight scenes were manly as ****. When pro wrestlers were used as choreographers and it was haymakers, breaking your opponent through shoddy furniture, and judo. Maybe an upkick if knocked to the ground, and a football tackle could be defeated with a Polish Hammer to the back. Those were the days.

100xobm
4/30/2011 2:34am,
I liked when fight scenes were manly as ****. When pro wrestlers were used as choreographers and it was haymakers, breaking your opponent through shoddy furniture, and judo. Maybe an upkick if knocked to the ground, and a football tackle could be defeated with a Polish Hammer to the back. Those were the days.

I hear you my friend. This is the zenith:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqKFadyJxwg

It is Fake
4/30/2011 4:18am,
I entirely agree with both of you, I was going to cut straight to the chase about the ancient Chinese monk Wu Toy San Ling Qung's writings that described how one might train to kill others without touching them, or how you can shatter boulders with your hand, amongst other mystic rumours. But alas, the simple thought of some of 'Forbidden Kingdom', led me on a rant about western society's contribution to the crap that has become wrapped up with many of the Chinese martial arts. I should instead, have straight away described the Chinese influences on the way so many have practiced certain pointless tasks in the hopes of gaining mystical fighting abilities. Sorry that my post didn't offer anything useful.
Uhmm no. The crap has been built up for years obviously before you were born. Especially, if you think Forbidden Kingdom or the new "Karate Kid" had anything to do with the crap.

jgarland
4/30/2011 4:58am,
Uhmm no. The crap has been built up for years obviously before you were born. Especially, if you think Forbidden Kingdom or the new "Karate Kid" had anything to do with the crap.

I definately agree that the crap has been around for much longer than that: centuries in fact. Instead of starting the thread with the comments I made about films, I should have simply posted what I was planning to post as a second post: the so called techniques described by the ancient Chinese monk Wu Toy San Ling Qung. Stupidly, I didn't start the thread by talking about the monks writings. The main point that I had actually intended to make in a follow up post (keeping in mind that I actually just meant to make fun of the so-called ancient Chinese technique of drawing your testicles inside your body in combat), was exactly along the lines of that the crap has been been around for years, as this monk existed in ancient China. I actually did mention this in my original post, but it was only briefly and seeing as I did such an unfortunately bad job of writing that first post, it is entirely understandable that this has been missed. I can post the information on Wu Toy San Ling Qung as I had planned if anyone is interested.

100xobm
4/30/2011 6:19am,
I'd be interested in seeing how sparring works in Tai chi, baji, Xingyi, some others. I know a few of our people here do CMA, I'd like to see how they address live training. What works and what gets thrown out the window. Particularly I'd like to see what separates them from 'kickboxing' (an umbrella term, I know), also I'd like to know if anyone actually uses tiger stance and all that.

No WC though. I fucking hate WC.

It is Fake
4/30/2011 11:05am,
I definately agree that the crap has been around for much longer than that: centuries in fact. Instead of starting the thread with the comments I made about films, I should have simply posted what I was planning to post as a second post: the so called techniques described by the ancient Chinese monk Wu Toy San Ling Qung. Stupidly, I didn't start the thread by talking about the monks writings. The main point that I had actually intended to make in a follow up post (keeping in mind that I actually just meant to make fun of the so-called ancient Chinese technique of drawing your testicles inside your body in combat), was exactly along the lines of that the crap has been been around for years, as this monk existed in ancient China. I actually did mention this in my original post, but it was only briefly and seeing as I did such an unfortunately bad job of writing that first post, it is entirely understandable that this has been missed. I can post the information on Wu Toy San Ling Qung as I had planned if anyone is interested.
Well here is a writing tip, if you have a specific topic in mind you can't introduce a subject about westerners and movies first. Even if you mention another topic it is overshadowed by your main subject.

Also, this monk needs to be sourced for people to take you seriously. Wu Toy San Ling Qung not only sounds made up, but has many myths rolled up into one story. Oh and original post means in the current thread not in another thread.

2groggy
4/30/2011 1:34pm,
What the hell is a Bo staff?

Answer: A) Donatello used one
B) Dosen't exist
C) A contrived buzz word martial arts movie enthusiasts use to sound legit in front of their fellow virgin and less informed friends.
or D) Napoleon Dynamite's weapon of choice? (practically the same as C)

jgarland
4/30/2011 11:12pm,
The book 'Kung Fu, History, Philosophy and Technique' (a book written by people who had contributed to the tv series 'Kung Fu'), 1977, states in one chapter, a list of so-called martial arts techniques that were originally written by an ancient monk, Wu Toy San Ling Qung. These 'techniques' range from killing people by pointing at them, to leaping out of seven-foot deep holes whilst wearing over ten pounds of weights, to sucking your testicles out of your scrotum and into your body at will. I can provide quotations as descriptions of these 'techniques' if anyone has an interest in spending several years concentrating chi into their balls (I'm sure there are some of you...)

When I made first made this thread, I did a search on Google to see whether the content I was planning to post on some of these ridiculous ancient Kung techniques was from any source other than the book that I found the information in: 'Kung Fu, History, Philosophy and Technique' By David Chow and Richard Spangler, 1977, ISBN 0865680116'. After it came up with links to several sites where people were discussing about actually learning this stuff, I stupidly assumed that they would have heard of these techniques from a different source to my own, as it is difficult to find too much information about this book on the internet and it was published so long ago (if you search for it, it will come up on Amazon and other book sites though, but without much of a description). I then went on to make this thread, hoping to see whether anyone might be interested in learning about how some of these 'powers' came to be considered attainable martial techniques by some as a result of certain ancient monk, Wu Toy San Ling Qung's writings.

It is Fake pointed out to me, quite correctly, that this monk would need to be sourced and as I attempted to find out more about this monk than what was written in 'Kung Fu, H,P,AT', I stumbled across my own Bullshido posts as 1 and 2 on Google for searching Wu Toy San Ling Qung, with no other information that I could find on this monk (if he indeed existed). After then searching as I had originally done for the Kung techniques present in 'Kung Fu, H, P, AT', I then found that this very same book was mentioned as a source for where many of these people learned of these techniques and decided that they wanted to master them. One particular person mentioned wanting to master Hing Kung (walking so lightly that even grass blades don't move, a technique that apparently takes ten years to learn = BS) on http://forum.kungfumagazine.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-19235.html and referred to this book. Another person wishing to learn the Red Sand Palm (killing or maiming someone by striking at the air from a distance) [http://www.wle.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=233] was referred to a book called 'Shaolin Long Fist', but from searching this on Amazon, I found that this book had been published only a few years after 'Kung Fu, H, P, AT'.

According to 'Kung Fu, H, P, AT', in translating the techniques for the first time (they claim) that they have relied heavily on “an ancient shaolin text written by an obscure monk scribe, Wu Toy San Ling Qung, who revealed the dynamics of Kung Fu in the Treasured Secret Book”. I cannot find any information on this ‘Treasured Secret Book’ either. I had originally planned simply to make fun of the ridiculousness of training in some of these techniques (some of the most crazy of which some people on the internet actually seem to want to train in), but if they were simply made up by two martial artist authors in a 1977 book that was published in response to a TV show, and not an actual part of CMA history, then there is not much point. I am sure that there are ridiculous so-called training methods that ancient shaolin monks would spout about, but I failing the fact that this Wu Toy San Ling Qung does not appear to exist outside of this book, I would particularily like to hear from anyone who has sources for these techniques which predate this book. It would be interesting at least if it turns out that all of these people who wish to train in these ‘ancient’ techniques had been conned by the same book, but people have been conned by books spouting stupidness before, so this would not be anything new. It seems that in my hurry, I have been conned myself, not into believing that these techniques were real, but into believing that they may have had a genuine source.

Has anyone else read this book before, or even better, has anyone actually heard of the sourced monk in the book: Wu Toy San Ling Qung (the name sounds like BS)? I'd love to hear from anyone who has any evidence that the section on Kung in 'Kung Fu, H, P, AT' is anything other than fraudulent information quoting an ancient monk who never existed (I know that the techniques described are BS, but I would like to know if the source is too)

stray_bullet
5/02/2011 1:11pm,
Every time a movie fight goes longer than thirty seconds I inevitably end up daydreaming.