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Styygens
4/26/2011 6:26pm,
Usually when I run across news stories about "ninja" criminals, it turns out the idiot is dressed in black with a hoodie or bandanna mask or something more "ninjaesque" than really "ninja."

Not so in this case, in which our not-so-stealthy subject appears to have been in honest-to-goodness ninja costume complete with sword...

Video at link:
http://www.wtae.com/r/27653751/detail.html


UNIONTOWN, Pa. -- Police said a man dressed like a ninja and carrying a sword damaged 11 cars before attempting to stab a man early Sunday morning in South Union Township, Fayette County.

Channel 4 Action News' Ashlie Hardway reported that car windows were smashed in the Braddock Avenue area between midnight and 1 a.m. The vandal was described as a man wearing dark clothing and a dark mask, according to a police report.

"I peeked out my bedroom window. There was someone out by her car," said Jennifer Barry, whose aunt owns one of the damaged vehicles. "He was holding a long object in his hands, and I was like, 'You know, there is someone out there.' Soon enough, the alarm went off and he took off."

Dark surveillance video shows a shadowy figure breaking a car window before the alarm went off.

"I actually saw him first, and he was trying to sneak through the yard. He heard me say, 'I found him,' because my window was down," neighbor Chelsey Cunningham said.Barry called her friend and neighbor, Santino Guzzo, who said he came to the scene and confronted the man after spotting him hiding in the yard of a home on Elm Street.

"He says, 'I have a sword.' That's when I said, 'I have a gun,' and he tried to stab me through my car window," Guzzo said.

The masked man then shattered the rear window of his car with the sword and ran away, said Guzzo, who only suffered a superficial cut. Witnesses said the man ran down a hillside, into a fence, through more fences and a garden, and then down some steps, where he leaped over a hillside and vandalized more vehicles.

Evidence that was left behind included blood on the cars, tools that were used to damage the vehicles and, "like, a fifth of liquor. He dropped it when he fell over the fence," Cunningham said.

Anyone with information regarding this incident is asked to call police at 724-439-7111.

"It's awful what happened, but it's goofy the way he did it," Cunningham said with a laugh. "A ninja? With a sword just right out?"

"I could see if he was just doing the damage, but being dressed as a ninja is a little out there," Barry said.



You really have to watch the video to get a full appreciation of the amount of "ninjutsu-fail" exhibited by this ninja.

- Caught on video
- Failed to kill with a sword (Fortunately!)
- Stumbled into a railing, then fell down steps
- Left evidence (blood and tools) behind

What's really crazy is the list of "ninja-related" crimes the reporter recounts near the end of the story.

Is Pittsburgh the new Ground Zero for Ninja? "Pittsburgh-no-mono" just doesn't have the same mythic ring to it...

Permalost
4/26/2011 6:38pm,
I wonder if we'll ever see a "Drunken Man in Ninja Suit Does Something Productive" headline.

Styygens
4/26/2011 7:15pm,
I wonder if we'll ever see a "Drunken Man in Ninja Suit Does Something Productive" headline.

It's funny you mention that... Does this count?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-kent-13198766



'Ninja' protecting Kent spa town of Tunbridge Wells

A masked vigilante has taken to the streets of Royal Tunbridge Wells to protect "ordinary citizens".
The "Neighbourhood Ninja" claims to be a 25 year old who has tackled garage break-ins and conducted night patrols.
The vigilante, who has so far remained anonymous, is posting his exploits in the Kent spa town on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0h7ZwlOnco).
He also says he has reunited missing cats with their owners and warned drivers when they risk parking fines.
'Ninja recruitment'
Places under official "Ninja Watch" are said to include Homebase, the Bedford Pub, and the Royal Victoria Place shopping centre.
And the Neighbourhood Ninja even claims to be keeping an eye on this week's royal wedding.
In one tweet, he wrote: "Don't worry Chief Inspector of Kent Police, you have nothing to fear from me, I am on your side. I'll leave my nunchuks at home."
He has also said he is "bringing the community together" and could even be looking to recruit more ninjas.
A Kent Police spokeswoman said the force was not aware of the Neighbourhood Ninja and warned residents they should not take the law into their own hands.


No?

No.

I'll keep looking.

Chili Pepper
4/26/2011 7:21pm,
"He says, 'I have a sword.' That's when I said, 'I have a gun,'

Kudos, sir, kudos.

Bneterasedmynam
4/26/2011 8:28pm,
I wonder if we'll ever see a "Drunken Man in Ninja Suit Does Something Productive" headline.
no and i doubt we will ever even see a headline of ninja does anything productive even without the drunk factor.

sweats
4/27/2011 7:39pm,
Dude, that's my fucking hometown. I went to high school with Santino Guzzo. Believe me, nothing surprises me from that place.

Styygens
4/30/2011 8:51pm,
Perhaps not worthy of its own thread...

The tale of the unemployed ninja offering his services for a mere $5 in San Antonio:

http://www.kens5.com/news/consumer/What-would-you-do-for-five-bucks--120804109.html

Maybe something about the ninja economy is driving the Pittsburgh-area ninja into lives of crime?

Styygens
4/30/2011 8:53pm,
Dude, that's my fucking hometown. I went to high school with Santino Guzzo. Believe me, nothing surprises me from that place.

I saw a comment elsewhere about this story that read: "What's with Pittsburgh? First pirates, then zombies, and now evil ninjas. It's like the Internet come to life!"