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View Full Version : Universal, a billion bucks, and meth



bobyclumsyninja
4/25/2011 1:04am,
This happened a while back...almost a year. I was working night shift at a coffee shop, and a guy wearing a white tank top, red shorts, belt, shoes, socks and carrying a little grey suitcase, that appeared to have been clumsily spraypainted with gold paint, walks in. He also had a big belt buckle, but I forget what it was about. He looks like a cartoon, but who doesn't at 5am?

He offers me a million dollar record deal, and says Universal signed him for a billion. After some time talking to me about it, I attempt to transition into something less-obviously-crazy I say something like, "wow, I'm tired, wish I could rest, but I gotta work".

To which he responds "I'm up because I was doing meth all day yesterday".

I didn't respond, but what the hell are you gonna say to that?

BackFistMonkey
4/25/2011 1:12am,
This happened a while back...almost a year. I was working night shift at a coffee shop, and a guy wearing a white tank top, red shorts, belt, shoes, socks and carrying a little grey suitcase, that appeared to have been clumsily spraypainted with gold paint, walks in. He also had a big belt buckle, but I forget what it was about. He looks like a cartoon, but who doesn't at 5am?

He offers me a million dollar record deal, and says Universal signed him for a billion. After some time talking to me about it, I attempt to transition into something less-obviously-crazy I say something like, "wow, I'm tired, wish I could rest, but I gotta work".

To which he responds "I'm up because I was doing meth all day yesterday".

I didn't respond, but what the hell are you gonna say to that?

LOL then say
"Good Show old chap, why not pass along yar card to meh and I will get you a coffee with wheels on it from over yonder"
Point away from direction you are going get his togo coffee from.
Get his coffee while he looks the other way.

Hussle him out the door and if he remembers to give you his card in the confusion ...then awesome ... call him the next day for more lulz.

bobyclumsyninja
4/25/2011 1:13am,
I should add. This shop was inside a 24 hour convenience store. He went to the keno table and sat down, in between rants.

BackFistMonkey
4/25/2011 1:22am,
errrrrrrrrr ahhhh ... crazy truckstop people ...

Good luck with that, buddy. I know that crowd. May I suggest you just not talk to people except to scream at them to wipe their fucking feet. My third shift experiences have taught me that, that is usually just the best approach.

donoraen
4/25/2011 2:48am,
So did you sign with him?

bobyclumsyninja
4/25/2011 11:09am,
I would have, but the secret handshake (high five, followed by freezing one's facial muscles with meth abuse), was too involved.

Permalost
4/25/2011 11:14am,
Send him to go paint an entire house in the middle of the night. Alternatively, give him a pair of scissors and an unkempt lawn.