Unless you have carefully curated your feeds and friends lists, your participation on Social Media has probably exposed you to more mental pathogens than you know. The blatantly idiotic, migraine-inducing stuff these days is fairly easy to spot and avoid. But some idiocy is of the insidious variety: hard to spot at a glance, and sometimes dressed up in shiny platitudes and candy coating.

This describes just about everything posted by David “Avocado” Wolfe: nine times out of ten, the things he posts—for the ultimate purpose of establishing his own credentials to spread even more of his bullshit— are innocuous if a bit vapid, and easy to agree with. For example:

Herp derp, I’m an introvert

Again, Wolfe shares these processed, pre-chewed nuggets of dubious wisdom that are only a stencil and paintbrush away from being on the wall of some divorcee’s McMansion, to spread the reach of his influence. This really shouldn’t need to be explained to anyone with half a brain, except for the fact that this asshole’s got 10,621,865 goddamn subscribers on Facebook alone.

So let’s help fix this problem, shall we? Since this sack of garbage and cacao nibs likes sharing memes so much, let’s post memes with the shit he actually says.

Gravity is a Conspiracy

Here you go, whip this out the next time Janice shares this asshole’s stuff

What does Avocado-for-brains have to say?

Gravity is not intrinsic to matter. That Carl Sagan idea that was sold to us on Cosmos on PBS, was sold to us deliberately to actually confuse us just so you know that. There’s people who have known that gravity is a force that can be displaced. There’s people that have known that since the 50s or even earlier than that. But by screwing up, confusing our mind about things, and giving us incorrect theories we were brain washed into a totally different belief system. That gravity is intrinsic to all matter, we’re fighting gravity, we have to push our way through gravity to launch a craft up into outer space, all this nonsense.

Yes, PBS and Carl Sagan are conspiring to literally keep you down. On Earth. Instead of floating into space.

Jesus Christ.

Solar Panels “Drain the Sun”

We’ll just quote his memes into a meme. Pimp My Car references are still funny, right?

That macaroni salad you brought to the potluck isn’t worth all this hassle

The Earth Is Flat

Of course he believes this.

Of course he does.

Here:

That rock monster or whatever is looking at the horizon. Think about that for a second…

Deer Antlers Are Cosmic and “Levitational”

“Levitational” as fuck, bro.

This makes us “punchinal” and “chokeabitchical”:

Dear [sic] antler is not a product. It’s a cosmic substance. And it’s an androgenic substance, by the way—very androgenic. And it needs to be taken with respect and understanding, which is why we’ve been getting into this whole thing about estrogenic forces and then androgenic forces. You gotta know that deer antler is an androgenic force. And why? Because it’s cosmic in nature. It’s elevating. It’s levitational in nature. Which actually makes you younger. The forces of levity make you younger. Rudolf Steiner said that we gradually age due to substances in our body that are seized by the earth’s gravity. He could have said anything. He could have said anything at all, but he said that. That’s amazing. Then he said that you want to use the force of levity to drive the force of levity into your body. Then he talks about silica, that silica can be made to be levitational again.”

Chocolate is an Octave of Energy

You know what, we don’t even care any more.

Fuck it. Here’s someone else’s meme:

…that’s not how anything works, Janice.

Now that we’re thoroughly depressed/angry… deprangry, we’re just going to leave you with the following thoughts:

Sure, David Wolfe is a colossal asshole. For his own notoriety and validation he will sell you on some bullshit raw food nonsense rather than having you seek out actual dietitians, medicine, and medical professionals to address your health concerns. But who’s the bigger asshole: the one who takes the shit, or the one who takes someone else’s shit and smears it all over their own wall?

Do the world a favor and de-friend anyone who follows David Wolfe. Or at the very least, use one of these semi-carefully crafted memes to shame them into not smearing Wolfe shit in the first place.

54 Comments

  1. Gibberish article about an apparently full-of-gibberish person. Who the Hell is Janice?

  2. I tried to respond to all David Wall themes on Facebook, but not usually by calling my friends assholes. Maybe a slightly toned down version of this would have more chance of being useful in combating his lies.

  3. Sometimes, when looking into a crystal-ball, ” I can see right through, to the other-side”-;#SyntheticWorld

  4. Was just about to say what mdcleaver said. It would be very helpful to have a version a little less hate filled, more scientific in response to his silliness.

  5. Agreed- he stole actual video footage of mine without permission from an original video on my youtube channel- He then cut it into his own video, and didn’t live link anything- as a loophole, he put the smallest (completely missable- as he intended so people wouldn’t migrate away from his content) credit at 50% opacity in the corner- that NO ONE would see. His recut video of mine saw well over 4 million views, and NONE of that transferred to the original video from which he stole. Not cool at all. This is theft, and apparently this guy does this ALL the time…. had he simply asked permission of live-linked me (a VERY common courtesy online), it would have been a different story…..

  6. And so we’re clear: This androgenic substances/estrogenic substances shit is sexist AF.

  7. Dietitians are not the be-all, end-all. For instance, most of them push the idea that skim milk is better for you than whole milk because it contains more calcium and no saturated fat. First off, saturated fat doesn’t cause heart disease; hyperinsulinism and chronic systemic inflammation do. Secondly, the fat helps you absorb the calcium, AND the vitamins A and D they added to the milk.

    Don’t even get me started about dietitian-prescribed “diabetic diets”. 90 percent or more of them make your blood sugar WORSE.

    If these dietitian assholes would just learn how to science, nobody would listen to Dickhead Takes Avocados In Vain.

    But yes, I generally agree with you.

  8. Actually this post is just too aggressive of an approach. I get that it’s hard to tell that the world is flat when you are in an airplane and going over the ocean lol.. Still, this article was way too aggressive and take it from me, aggression doesn’t work. It closes people up. How do I know, well it’s funny I used to be fairly aggressive with stuff and for me to even read this is actually closing me up to your post. It’s making me take my thoughts off of this post and your opinions and onto how aggressive you’ve been with your thoughts. So essentially I’m not even paying attention to your post anymore lol.

    Tone it down.

  9. Agree with mdcleaver. This would be much more shareable if all the insults were not couched in pure misogyny. “Basic bitch wisdom”, “some divorcee’s McMansion”, “macaroni salad…pot luck” (a pursuit typically assigned to the woman), “chokeabitchical”, and “Janice”, who does all the sharing. I agree DAW is a snake oil salesman, but your writing is just too creepy to pass along. And unlike SciBabe’s profane diatribes, is not funny as a result.

  10. For a site dedicated to stopping BS, how about NOT sharing something about the guy in the first place. Because a post about why sharing something about the guy is just as bad. Just ignore him. the end.

  11. What’s your beef with him or are you paid by say the pharmaceutical industry cause he’s highlighted that their drugs aren’t that good?

  12. That’s not good enough. He’s got tens of millions of followers, many of whom just follow him for the saccharine pseudo-wisdom and aren’t aware they’re legitimizing his efforts to promote pseudoscience simply by adding to his follower count.

    You may deal with bullies by ignoring them, but we don’t.

  13. Plenty of individuals and groups out there politely pointing out how this guy’s a fraud.

    Good for them. That’s not how we fucking do things.

  14. Hey everyone, we’re still working out the kinks of the comments system… our current system, as you see, sucks.

    For those of you who aren’t familiar with Bullshido and just came across this article on a share, it seems you’re a little confused about how we do things. That’s fine.

    Like I said above in response to another comment, sure, there are plenty of sites for people to make polite jabs at hucksters like David Wolfe. And if that’s your cup of tea, then feel free to sip on it and share it with everyone you know. Because we’re all on the same side in this fight.

    But that’s not how we fucking do things around here. And your first indication should have been when you clicked on an article entitled “5 Reasons Why Sharing a David Wolfe Meme Makes You an Asshole”, but that’s none of my business, so we’ll just be over here with Kermit sipping our own brand of tea.

  15. Phrost: 🙂

    I think that, when someone says something like “The Earth is flat and gravity is a conspiracy,” saying politely “My, that’s very interesting; how did you come to that conclusion?” is really not the point because you have in front of you someone who is possibly too stupid to fucking breathe on their own. Counteracting someone who’s bought into flat-earthism and mystical new-agey bullshit without any idea of what science is or how it works is not a gap you can adequately fill.

    When you have someone who’s clearly got the IQ of a small soap dish, the thing to do is to aim your energies at providing better educational opportunities for the next generation and wait for these idiots to die off. I’m sure they have some use somewhere, but I’m at a loss to think of what.

  16. @John, they absolutely do have a use, after you’ve established that they’re either unwilling or incapable of processing evidence rationally. And that use is based on the old-ish adage “if your life can’t be a shining example, at least it can be a dire warning”.

  17. or the one who takes someone else’s shit and smears it all over their own wall?…………Hmmm, didn’t you just do that? Why waste your time, you can just hide posts if you dont’ like them.

  18. Ignoring dumb people only enables them to continue being dumb in a safe environment safe from fact and criticism.

  19. Yeah, we’re taking pictures of the shit and telling people to stop doing that.

    Shit analogies. Shit analogies everywhere.

  20. Seriously Phrost, I agree wholeheartedly with what you’ve written. If I see anyone post anything in regards to this complete brain dead moron, I always call them out on being a brainwashed imbecile.. and then unfriend them if I have to.. and/or post a meme of one of his memes calling Mr Avocado IQ out on his bullshit. The guy is honestly fucked in the head. There’s no other explanation for it. How he has that many followers is mind boggling to me! Do we really have that many stupid people inhabiting this earth with us?! Holy shit, it makes me feel sorry for the next generation who will be told this bollocks and be lead to believe any of it as truth.
    Don’t mind those who obviously don’t understand your way of writing. You may be trying to respond to those *secret* DAW followers.. so it’ll get you nowhere.

    Stupid assholes. Stupid assholes everywhere.

  21. What galls me the most about these people is that they learned the truth in GRADE SCHOOL and it worked just fine until this douche or one of the dozens like him came along and got them to throw that all away just so they can feel like part of some exclusive club that’s smarter than the rest of us.

    Yes, bliss ninny antivaxxer flat earther chemtrailer – I’ve done my research, in a fucking university, where research is supposed to be done.

  22. Good job Phrost! I’m glad I’m not the only one who angry rants at these assholes. It’s like, to them, if it sounds cool, it MUST be true!

  23. Spot on. Thank you Phrost. This guy is a grifter & needs to be taken down. A good friend encountered him in Jamaica & couldn’t believe the BS he spews & that some people BELIEVE THAT

  24. He is opinionated so what wrong with that????🤔🤔🤔🤔

    You’re entitled to your own opinion, not your own facts. Wolfe isn’t sharing opinions, he’s stating bullshit as fact.

  25. I fucking adore this website hahaha. I’d post in the forums but all of my martial arts questions were answered. Good on calling out this douchenozzle. When I had a Facebook all of the loser “hippies” ate his shit up like their Xanax pills.

  26. Did the trove of people above saying that this article is too aggressive even realize they found it on a site titled “bullshido.net?”

  27. @AJ …that point seems to have been lost on them.

    Plus the fact that they clicked on an article with the word “Asshole” in the title.

  28. You obviously don’t like David, its interesting you devoted so much energy to talk shit about him. How are you contributing to the health and evolution of this planet?

    Yeah David Wolfe can be wacky and cosmic and out there but he has also helped thousands and thousands of people find hope, healing, and transform their life. This article is really sad, negative and worthless.

  29. Oddly I have never seen any of the stupid me message quoted here and a lot of David Wolfe stuff passes through my feed. I have to wonder if some of this is made up?

  30. My my my, what a blatant horrible author who’s name is probably somewhere but I didn’t find it, David has a right to believe what the hell he wishes, as you do, but who the hell are you to put to print, a unfair biased uneducated wast of my effort reading.

  31. 10 million morons believe this grifter and conman. I’m not always quick on the uptake but listening to his bullshit for 5 minutes was all it took for me to see he is a con. He must be pretty smart though and is making millions on the gullibility of the masses.

  32. I thought this was fucking awesome. You need a tub of butthurt cream up in here apparently. Good Lord people! Are you sharing David dipshit’s stuff? No? Well then you’re not an asshole. If you are.. sorry then you ARE. Change up your game instead of being “offended” cuz guilty as charged.

    My community can’t stand this uninspired, unoriginal, thieving douche and we got a kick out of your article. Thanks from the EOM community.
    https://www.facebook.com/EthicalOmnivoreMovement/posts/1404381639598986:0

  33. Wait… this guy’s for real? I’ve shared several of these in the past because I thought they were supposed to be sarcastic. How humiliating.

  34. For all the people who want this article to be ‘toned down’ and not hate-filled. DO IT YOURSELF!! I don’t understand why people think the internet needs to cater to them, when they have all the same info and could write their own damned article they could then share. Sheesh.

  35. To all the whiners complaining about how this is too aggressive and ‘mean’, shut the fuck up. This kind of aggressively stupid shit needs to be met with something just as aggressive. Trying to meet someone who buys into this horse shit with reason doesn’t work. You basically need to bitch slap them to get them to wake the fuck up and start listening to reason.

    Grow up. Stop walking on eggshells. If you’re truly friends they might appreciate you slapping them across the face with their inanity. If they can’t handle it, find new friends with thicker skin and let the babies be stupid by themselves.

  36. What a bunch of trolls you all are. Get a life. If you don’t like someone’s beliefs or concepts then look at something else. If you are so weak minded that you somehow feel threatened by this then I feel sorry for you. There is actual evil and distortion happening all over the world and you morons are wasting energy on someone who is just living their truth. Total losers, you make me want to vomit.

  37. I think the reason this guy doesn’t really bother me is that he’s operating in a world where religion has already cornered the market on scientifically oblivious, pseudo-self help “enlightenment”. This guy isn’t even a blip on the radar compared to that shit. People don’t even vet that stuff to make sure it even references the holy text correctly, never mind the validity of the claim

  38. These are the same people who stick their phone in microwaves thinking they can recharge the battery.

  39. I hope danceslowlikehoney realizes the article is about the growing prevalence and dangers of psuedo-science , psuedo-intelluctualism, contrarians,etc on society as a whole

    …and if you don’t get the Janet joke, there’s no hope – carol

  40. Yeah, this weasel stole my actual/personal video footage from my youtube channel, cut it as his own, posted it and grabbed 10,000,000+ views- all without linking back to me in any visible manner- never mind that he never asked my permission. A total asshat, greedy, con artist….

  41. He also has a longstanding habit of stealing other people’s words and using them as his own quote. I called him on it and he never responded except to do it again, and again, and again.

    David “Avocado” Wolfe and Single Dad Laughing have cornered the market on shills who make big money from brainless fans.

  42. Does he know what the word “levity” means? Apparently not. Also, does he realize that female reindeer have antlers? Guess not. Oh, well.

  43. David Wolfe is a small insignificant being trying to pervert the masses with fairytales and should be savagely attacked on all fronts for spreading this type of ignorance. Those that think this is harsh you need to wake the fuck up. Social interaction has been decimated by pathetic close minded people who think they are entitle to SAFE SPACES ! FUCK OFF 😀

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