Minority Report: Browns invade Austin, TX Mega

**Dr. Sleepless** · Posted On: 9/04/2010 11:47pm

First off, I wanna say that in all the many great parts of the world I've been to, Texas definitely wins the, "Shittiest drivers in the world" award. I have been to San Fran, LA, Denver, all over most of the west coast, Buenos Aires, etc. etc. etc. And never have I encountered such awful fucking drivers. We're talking about lane splitters (in cars), people who shoot from 4 lanes across for no real reason, just to be in the far left lane or you know, for shits and giggles. People who drive drunk on Saturday morning at 11am. People who just brake... for no reason... ON THE HIGHWAY. And it's not isolated incidents, it's every 10-15 minutes in good traffic.

Secondly, I want to say that Omega, Danniboi and I were the only earth tone folk to show up to the mega, except for jitschix who had some filipino in her. But she didn't really count because her filipino is import/export on various occasions. It was pretty interesting though, because there was not a single person who wasn't white at the Austin get together. And really, come on guys, you know the world's looking at you. You live near the border, you could've hired some brown folk with a few beers and like $5 to come pretend like they're grappling or something.

We went ahead and drove 1700 miles down to Texas to show that the California Boys are definitely not pussies. Seriously, we drove 20 hours straight to get there. And came to clean up. We grappled, we sparred, I landed a jumping spinning round house and ate a liver shot. Everyone with some baby excuse decided to not bitch out and participate.

Now to rate people I met today:

JNP - Seriously dude, smile sometime. You have a dry sense of humor and it's like you're sitting in a time machine looking at the future from arm's length pondering the extent of your mortality seeking the answers for questions that dwell inside when in truth, you've known all this time what they were: relative. Anyway, you're pretty pimp dude. I knew I picked the best candidate for the 2008 elections when I picked you. Good man.

NWP - You fucking eye gouged me, son of a bitch. Also, dicks.

sriwhumaubnruan - You're a nerdy chubby kid who likes his camera and was stiff as a board. Relax bro, us yellow folk aren't gonna bite. My beautiful shiny teeth are there for show. Be chill. Lose the kung fu aura and I don't know, blaze up or something. Relax.

Coach josh - Dude you are like super no sense of humor. Maybe you were tired from driving 6 hours that day, but you were like in ZOMBIE mode. WTF man, I totally made an awesome T-rex joke and you didn't even smile. Everyone loves T-rex. If it's a heart you're missing, I can get you one.

Coach josh's homeboy - You're cool. You know how to laugh.

Jitschix - I got a thing for firecrotches. Good going... you know... on all that. You actually knew how to do things which was cool and also unexpected. You also knew how to laugh. Good times.

David Koresh jr. - Thanks for doing some kixboxing with me. I ate a liver shot and it kind of sucked, but I sucked it up and punched your head so it's cool. You're a pretty cool guy. I'd totally hang out with you, even if you're racist. no homo, man.

TEA - Bro. you remind me of what'shisface from Foot Fist Way, but without the crazy trophy wife or aggrandizing nature or the mullet in this awesome way. I was sad that you didn't have a crazy drawl accent though, which made me saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddd. PS, did my hook punch sidekick sandwich taste good?

Hungryjoe - You're as redneck as I imagined. But you look like Creed from the office, and you creep me out kind of like Creed from the office. Let's just say, I wouldn't let you near my sister. Also, 1/2 + 7, she's too young for you.

Other people - You didn't introduce yourself even though we came in guns blazing. Maybe next time we need to bring a blowhorn or something. **** you guys.

The throwdown went pretty well and was overall lots of fun. It was sort of worth it to come out and play with you broskis, but the fact that Austin, Texas looks like the set from Escape from LA sort of makes me depressed. There was also no Snake Plissken, which made it not nearly as much fun. I hope you guys have video and are gonna post them up because if you don't, I'll be pissed.

PEACE OUT CRACKAS.

PS:

**** you Tenebrous.

DOUBLE PS:

GOTCHA, BIIIIITTTTCCCHHHH!!!!!

***Omega Supreme*** · Posted On: 9/04/2010 11:55pm

Remember I only drove the boy down. His comments aren't necessarily shared by moi. Not to mention the douche bag made us over an hour late and I was feeling under the weather because of my high school buddy trying to poison me with liquor the previous night.

Good times folks and all modesty aside; this is my 5th mega so bite me you ***** bitches who didn't make it.

**Dr. Sleepless** · Posted On: 9/05/2010 12:12am