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  1. helmutlvx is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    West Virginia
    Posts
    1,952

    Posted On:
    8/10/2010 10:18pm


     Style: In transition

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    All right, let's go over this guy's training schedule.

    -One lap in the pool. Start off with breast stroke, don't have enough upper body strength to get proper height, quit and do front stroke, lazy backstroke on the way back. Get out of pool and flash abs.

    -Water break, put on sponsor gear.

    -Pan shot on wall of trophies, insinuate they're all won by the guy. They're not.
    -Stretch provocatively
    -Medicine ball drills. Wear spandex pants for maximum efficiency.
    -Treadmill time. Mention to pretty girl how tight abs are feeling today.

    -Shadowbox like a 6-year-old boy who just finished watching Ninja Turtles.
    -Punch dummy in between throwing medicine ball. Wait for viewer to question what it's for before immediately dropping to push-ups because that drill was boring.
    -Crunches. Mention to trainer how tight abs are feeling today.
    -Balance board.

    -In the laboratory, do leg lifts without keeping ass in seat to bolster ratings and downplay lack of increase in strength. Emphasize with tiger face.

    -Listen to coach somewhere in a park. Stretch provocatively, then check watch to subtly indicate he's talking for too long.
    -Run.
    -Sprint up six stairs. Another six stairs. And again. And again. And again. And again.

    -Do the Can-Can over hurdles.
    -Continue dancing around and over hurdles.
    -Play hopscotch with hurdles.

    -Leg lifts. Spandex pants increase dick-grinding into seat efficiency by 20%.
    -Deadlift. Drop weights like a douchebag.
    -Put retarded amount of weight onto bar for squats. Get halfway into motion, realize leg tendons are snapping and get out of it. Make tiger face to cover shame. Do again at urging of trainer. Drop weights again like a total douche.

    -Swing legs up and down from boredom.
    -Run sprints.
    -Hammer row standing up. Destroy point of exercise by pushing with the help of legs.
    -Swing legs in the air some more.

    -Hyperactive dips. Don't complete a single good rep.
    -Climb up sides of pull-up bar to look cool. Do pull-ups.
    -Bench press.

    -Ride motorcycle to another bad 80s song.
    -Punch the air with buddies. Half-ass punches while they try really hard.
    -Jumping jacks.
    -Switch legs around over and over in deep stances while punching, ignore possibility of ever fighting a wrestler.
    -Do same combo to spastic buddy multiple times.

    -Focus mitts to reinforce combos used to beat on compliant friend. Don't forget to tell editor to use slow motion for JUMP KICK!
    -Punch heavy bag. Don't wear gloves or wraps because they're for pussies.
    -Make white belt mistake and lower hands while kicking.
    -Punch wall makiwara without any rotation in the arms or hips.

    -Do kata similar to bodybuilding posing. Mention to buddy how tight abs feel today.
    -Let buddies punch stomach. Flinch on every hit.
    -Kick pad. More slow motion.
    -Flash abs. Get in tub. Mention to trainer again how tight abs feel today.
    -Get creepy rubdown.
    -Have someone else ice shoulder. Tell him to switch shoulders, using opportunity to sneak in intimate touch. Mention how tight abs are feeling today.


    Sounds like a winner to me.
  2. aznraven is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Singapore, Singapore, Singapore
    Posts
    280

    Posted On:
    8/10/2010 11:12pm


     Style: ShinKyokushin/Shitoryu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by helmutlvx View Post
    All right, let's go over this guy's training schedule.

    -One lap in the pool. Start off with breast stroke, don't have enough upper body strength to get proper height, quit and do front stroke, lazy backstroke on the way back. Get out of pool and flash abs.

    -Water break, put on sponsor gear.

    -Pan shot on wall of trophies, insinuate they're all won by the guy. They're not.
    -Stretch provocatively
    -Medicine ball drills. Wear spandex pants for maximum efficiency.
    -Treadmill time. Mention to pretty girl how tight abs are feeling today.

    -Shadowbox like a 6-year-old boy who just finished watching Ninja Turtles.
    -Punch dummy in between throwing medicine ball. Wait for viewer to question what it's for before immediately dropping to push-ups because that drill was boring.
    -Crunches. Mention to trainer how tight abs are feeling today.
    -Balance board.

    -In the laboratory, do leg lifts without keeping ass in seat to bolster ratings and downplay lack of increase in strength. Emphasize with tiger face.

    -Listen to coach somewhere in a park. Stretch provocatively, then check watch to subtly indicate he's talking for too long.
    -Run.
    -Sprint up six stairs. Another six stairs. And again. And again. And again. And again.

    -Do the Can-Can over hurdles.
    -Continue dancing around and over hurdles.
    -Play hopscotch with hurdles.

    -Leg lifts. Spandex pants increase dick-grinding into seat efficiency by 20%.
    -Deadlift. Drop weights like a douchebag.
    -Put retarded amount of weight onto bar for squats. Get halfway into motion, realize leg tendons are snapping and get out of it. Make tiger face to cover shame. Do again at urging of trainer. Drop weights again like a total douche.

    -Swing legs up and down from boredom.
    -Run sprints.
    -Hammer row standing up. Destroy point of exercise by pushing with the help of legs.
    -Swing legs in the air some more.

    -Hyperactive dips. Don't complete a single good rep.
    -Climb up sides of pull-up bar to look cool. Do pull-ups.
    -Bench press.

    -Ride motorcycle to another bad 80s song.
    -Punch the air with buddies. Half-ass punches while they try really hard.
    -Jumping jacks.
    -Switch legs around over and over in deep stances while punching, ignore possibility of ever fighting a wrestler.
    -Do same combo to spastic buddy multiple times.

    -Focus mitts to reinforce combos used to beat on compliant friend. Don't forget to tell editor to use slow motion for JUMP KICK!
    -Punch heavy bag. Don't wear gloves or wraps because they're for pussies.
    -Make white belt mistake and lower hands while kicking.
    -Punch wall makiwara without any rotation in the arms or hips.

    -Do kata similar to bodybuilding posing. Mention to buddy how tight abs feel today.
    -Let buddies punch stomach. Flinch on every hit.
    -Kick pad. More slow motion.
    -Flash abs. Get in tub. Mention to trainer again how tight abs feel today.
    -Get creepy rubdown.
    -Have someone else ice shoulder. Tell him to switch shoulders, using opportunity to sneak in intimate touch. Mention how tight abs are feeling today.


    Sounds like a winner to me.
    Sure, most of the other sports like boxing, muaythai, kyokushin really have and train anti-wrestling moves, especially since they don't ignore possibility of suddenly fighting a wrestler in their sport.

    :D I love your objective and informative post, cause obviously he is a douche and his training is ALL in that montage with music, entertaining.



    get over yourself :D
    Last edited by aznraven; 8/10/2010 11:24pm at .
  3. Lindz is offline

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Burnaby B.C.
    Posts
    3,004

    Posted On:
    8/10/2010 11:19pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I love the way how during all those flurries the "victim's" head never snaps around.
  4. Squerlli is offline
    Squerlli's Avatar

    Registered User

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    NO! SLEEP! TILL BROOKLYN!
    Posts
    3,683

    Posted On:
    8/11/2010 12:16am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Hiatus

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Funny how this guy trains harder then most of the people that post here.
  5. Kid Miracleman is offline
    Kid Miracleman's Avatar

    Rowsdower!

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Parts Unknown!
    Posts
    3,249

    Posted On:
    8/11/2010 12:43am

    Join us... or die
     Style: On Hiatus

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Squerlli View Post
    Funny how this guy trains harder then most of the people that post here.
    Yeah, training hard to be a spazzy mega-douche.

    Seriously, a lil' fella like you could mop the floor with this guy. Hell, even Sirc could beat him.
  6. aznraven is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Singapore, Singapore, Singapore
    Posts
    280

    Posted On:
    8/11/2010 12:55am


     Style: ShinKyokushin/Shitoryu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Miracleman View Post
    Yeah, training hard to be a spazzy mega-douche.

    Seriously, a lil' fella like you could mop the floor with this guy. Hell, even Sirc could beat him.
    Lol. :ninja2:
  7. RealManOfSteel is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    302

    Posted On:
    8/11/2010 12:59am


     Style: Parkour, BJJ and Judo.

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Yeah people who do sports karate aren't worth ****, especially if they train hard for it. Plus it's also not MMA so that's another stupid thing about it.

    People who train hard to do gymnastics are also ****, because an MMA guy could kick their ass.
  8. It is Fake is offline
    It is Fake's Avatar

    Administrator

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    33,955

    Posted On:
    8/11/2010 1:01am

    staff
     Style: xingyi

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Squerlli View Post
    Funny how this guy trains harder then most of the people that post here.
    Oh look isn't that cute Squirelli has entered his newest phase.
  9. Petter is offline

    12th level logic wielder

    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Posts
    1,964

    Posted On:
    8/11/2010 1:24am


     Style: BJJ, judo, rapier

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by RealManOfSteel View Post
    Yeah people who do sports karate aren't worth ****, especially if they train hard for it. Plus it's also not MMA so that's another stupid thing about it.

    People who train hard to do gymnastics are also ****, because an MMA guy could kick their ass.
    At first I thought you had a good point. Then I realised that I was wrong because this is Bullshido, which is about good martial arts, wherefore we should expect the perspective here to be about evaluating things qua martial arts. I think gymnastics are ****, if you present them as martial arts (Gymkata notwithstanding…). Notice how people don’t seem to post about gymnastics here, or speedskating, or hockey, or any other sport—even if they do take enormous amounts of talent, skill, determination, and hard work.

    In a different context, this guy is surely more of an athlete than virtually anyone on these boards. But qua martial artist; qua fighter?
    [ petterhaggholm.net | blog | essays ]
    [ self defence: general thoughts | bjj: “don’t go to the ground”? ]
    “The plural of anecdote is anecdotes, not data.”
  10. aznraven is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Singapore, Singapore, Singapore
    Posts
    280

    Posted On:
    8/11/2010 1:50am


     Style: ShinKyokushin/Shitoryu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Yea, sports karate tournament are somewhat like fencing tournaments, they aren't about combat fighting. Simply displaying of skills of what is thought of as important, like what Maofas said in another thread.

    Guys being to beat him up does not disqualify his skill in his sport. He is a sportsman, an athlete.
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