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  1. Alucard619 is offline

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    Posted On:
    7/31/2010 6:14pm


     Style: The Way of Hand and Foot

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I don't see what the issue is. All I stated was that these were two incidents involving women where they had been abused and sought help from us and my anger over their victimization.
  2. Yoj is offline
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    Posted On:
    7/31/2010 6:21pm


     Style: Aikijujutsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    You are their saviour and hero.

    It's not the first time women have swooned for you is it?
  3. Scientific is offline

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    Posted On:
    7/31/2010 6:55pm

    Bullshido Newbie
     Style: Scientific freestyle

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Alucard619 View Post
    No not like that tool from Whore Beach (aka Jersey Shore if you do not know). Recently in my school there were two incidents involving women where I questioned my effectiveness in dealing with them.

    The first happened in the adult basics class. I was assisting when we began practicing how to escape when someone chokes you. I was walking around when I stopped to help this one pair (the class split into partners). Both women, one was a green belt the other a white belt. So when I saw that the white belt was doing the technique incorrectly I stepped in to help. I explained it whilst demonstrating on her partner. I then had her perform the maneuver on me to see if she got it better. Still had trouble so I again explained but instead of grabbing and chocking her partner I did it to her*. The minute I stepped forward she flipped out, broke down into tears and began crying hysterically. Now, I did not grab or choke her very hard. I did not grope her in any fashion. I merely used both hands to simulate an aggressor grabbing and attempting to choke you.

    *This may have been a mistake on my part. I've never really had any issues when dealing with beginners regarding this so I didn't see the harm in grabbing her whilst explaining how to perform it correctly.

    But back to the issue. I admit, it did freak me out a little as I have never had a woman break down on me like that. She was escorted off and class continued. After it ended I took her aside into the office along with the head instructor. I apologized if she somehow felt threatened or if I grabbed too hard. She said the reason she became so upset is that she had been attacked in that exact same way before and she has not gotten over it. For this did I handle it right? I mean obviously I had no way of knowing whether or not she had ever been abused or victimized but it really bothered me and has me wondering on how to go about teaching so as to avoid any conflict.

    Now for the second issue. This one seriously pissed me off when I found out. I had just finished my pee wee class (4 and 5 year olds) when the mother of one of my kids asked to speak with me. So I invited her in my office and asked what it was she wanted to talk about. She told me that she had been abused by her husband for some time. Now they are in the middle of a very nasty divorce and he is beginning to menace and threaten her, mostly by wanting to gain full custody and take her son away. She now wanted to know if she could take some private lessons on self defense. As she explained this my face must have registered my emotions because she looked a little taken back. I calmed down and said that while we do give private lessons I personally felt it best to run it by the head master considering her unique situation. I didn't turn down her request, just said I would run it by him and we would keep in communication about how to go about setting it up.

    Again, this infuriated me beyond measure. I felt like going to this guy and breaking his fucking spine. So my question is again, did I handle it right? She's obviously desperate for help and trusts us enough not only to teach her son but herself as well. Now I'm sure the obvious answer is to just continue teaching her son, stay out of a divorce battle, if any abuse continues notify the police (even though she says she has done this) etc. But I can't help shake the feeling in that there was something else in how I could have handled it. Thoughts are greatly appreciated.
    First situation: it's always good idea first thing, to assess people's emotional baggage and history with violence, since it's often (I'd say MOST often) a factor in self-defense classes; and so it should make a difference in your approach, as they're going to need to deal with it (compared to someone who's never been attacked or threatened).
    First of all, if someone's been traumatized, you should be working with a SHRINK, since the student may need treatment for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, and otherwise the training can make it worse by aggravating the trauma in this way. Just like a personal trainer should work with a physician for safety-assessment an a client who's had an injury, your school should get a psychologist's assessment on whether it's safe for the student to be in a self-defense class-- as well as possible precautions regarding their emotional state that you should know about.

    Likewise, inform students that it's ok to feel and experience fear and panic, especially if they've been in a stressful situation before: and in fact it's normal and NECESSARY to feel, re-experience and re-interpret their fear and other feelings, in order to change their reaction-pattern; explain to students-- both men and women-- that panic and related stress is just the brain's natural reaction that happens when a person isn't schooled and experienced in handling a particular threatening situation, and so it's nothing to be ashamed of-- only understood and worked through; likewise, emotional "flashbacks" are normal as well to painful incidents of a similar situation.

    Tell them that if the practice becomes emotionally painful, that they shouldn't ignore the feelings, try to be a hero or try to "tough it out--" but just stop and take it slower, building up the intensity gradually until they get used to it. Always tell them there's no shame in stopping or tapping, it's about IMPROVING not proving; they'll get it eventually if they just learn to relax and work through it, accepting and adjusting to the feelings instead of fighting or ignoring them.

    (I'd even say that the #1 reason most students drop out, is because of emotional stress and sense of humiliation, since they figure they already have enough of that in their lives without paying for it; and so they end up joining some worthless Bullshido-class like aikido or tai-chi for that reason alone. So a good instructor should monitor emotional stress-levels in a student, not take the brick-thick attitude of "if you can't take the heat, get outta the dojo" which is reasponsible all the bullies and psycho's in martial arts.)

    Second situation: she should notify the police IMMEDIATELY, and have her get a restraining-order, as well as some gun-training and a permit, and work with the police for security-precautions, never be alone until it's over etc. Likewise, sometimes women are the abusers themselves, and cry wolf; this might even be a REASON why she hasn't informed police already.

    Do NOT get involved personally, it's a tarbaby that even police didn't like to mess with until domestic-violence laws forced them to do so; so let the police handle it, it's their job. Also have her tell her lawyer and let him handle it as well, since often cops are domestic-abusers who sympathize with the man. Likewise, if possible, have her contact a security-firm in order to make sure she has proper precautions in place for the situation.

    If she's thinking that she can handle an enraged, unstable and potentially violent man by herself with just her bare hands and a few private lessons, she clearly has an unrealistic view which should be corrected first thing before taking any classes.
    Last edited by Scientific; 7/31/2010 7:27pm at .
  4. Styygens is offline
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    Posted On:
    7/31/2010 6:57pm


     Style: BBT/BJJ/CJKD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Alucard619 View Post
    I don't see what the issue is. All I stated was that these were two incidents involving women where they had been abused and sought help from us and my anger over their victimization.
    You tell a lot of stories, bro.

    These last two show a lot of promise in the characterization department. In a few brief lines, you sketched out a fairly convincing portrait of two women undergoing emotional distress. It shows a great deal of observational skill. You'll be a hit in the creative writing course at the community college one day.

    Here's a tip, sit next to the cutest girl in the class. You might get lucky.

    BTW: On the off chance you are telling the truth this time ("Wolf? Yeah, right..."), you're in over your head. Way over, kid.
  5. helmutlvx is offline

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    Posted On:
    7/31/2010 7:22pm


     Style: In transition

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    It is of the opinion of Mr. Mike Sorrentino that your story is less interesting than his well-toned abdominal muscles.
  6. It is Fake is offline
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    Posted On:
    7/31/2010 7:34pm

    staff
     Style: xingyi

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Alucard619 View Post
    I don't see what the issue is. All I stated was that these were two incidents involving women where they had been abused and sought help from us and my anger over their victimization.
    This is written pretty funny. It sounds like they sought help over your anger.
  7. Styygens is offline
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    Posted On:
    7/31/2010 7:36pm


     Style: BBT/BJJ/CJKD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Which is why he needs a good creative writing course.

    His imagination is fantastic, but he needs a good editor.
  8. W. Rabbit is offline
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    insight combined with intel, fuse, and dynamite

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    Posted On:
    7/31/2010 7:45pm

    supporting member
     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Sorry I am late. Won't stay long. Snooki was arrested for drunken disorderly conduct in Seaside today (only a few miles from me...sleaziest beach in NJ).

    The women in your story do not need martial arts training right now, they need serious professional assistance from trained experts in domestic violence and abuse support, particularly the mother.

    National Domestic Violence Hotline
    http://www.ndvh.org/
    1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
    Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7

    National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
    http://www.ncadv.org/resources/resources.htm

    National Online Resource Center on Violence Against Women
    http://www.vawnet.org/
  9. Styygens is offline
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    Posted On:
    7/31/2010 7:50pm


     Style: BBT/BJJ/CJKD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by W. Rabbit View Post
    Sorry I am late. Won't stay long. Snooki was arrested for drunken disorderly conduct in Seaside today (only a few miles from me...sleaziest beach in NJ).
    In coming Non Sequitor: The greatest rock and roll show I've ever seen was a bar band on the Jersey shore. They closed a set with the most awesome rendition of Marilyn Manson's "Beautiful People." I have no idea what their name was. But they had the passion.

    Nothing to see here. Please continue with you day, citizen.
  10. Snake Plissken is offline
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    Posted On:
    7/31/2010 7:50pm

    supporting member
     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Alutard619 View Post
    I don't see what the issue is.
    this is your first problem.
    your inability to see past you and your minor and petty involvement in "the situation" and your exploitation of "the situation" in a feeble attempt to garner some small measure of Bullshido credibility. Quit making up stories and using other people as set-pieces in your tales of grandeur.
    If this really did happen you did her and "MASTER" a great disservice.
    But of course, you are essentially a child with no concept of personal responsibility.

    All I stated was that these were two incidents involving women where they had been abused and sought help from us
    And your further abuse of these women by using them as props in your story and how you, and only you, took the time to see them as the poor fragile little lambs they truly are and how you and only you shepherded them to your "master", essentially doing nothing but passing them off to someone else ill-equipped to deal with "the situation". I am sure she walked into the kwoon with the false expectation that she would be met with a competent practitioner only to have you foisted upon her. Great.
    White Knight tag for Alutard619, plz

    and my anger over their victimization.
    Yes, you tale was positively dripping with righteous indignation.
    Instead of showing her your shitty ineffectual compliant choke escapes, you could have been finding her a phone number for a Crisis Counselor or a Woman's Firearms class or a Victim's Rights Advocate.
    THEN you would have actually been DOING something for her instead of cranking up the mill and creating another falsely delusional student for "Master".
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