"Can You 'Ear Me Now?" Contest! Win a Supporting Membership!

**C0WB0Y** · Posted On: 7/07/2010 10:02pm

No pics, but I'm gonna go ahead and post the story anyway..

Gather 'round kids. It's time for another story with C0WB0Y.

Let's start with a little backround info.

I'm back living in Ocean City, MD. I'm trying to get my own accounting practice established down here, but being as it's summer, the accounting business is slow. So, I've been picking up a few shifts slinging drinks at my friend's establishment. It's by far the nicest joint in town. And my little brother works there too, so it all works out pretty nice.

So...

Today around 3:45pm we pull up to work. My brother was driving and pulled into the employeee parking lot which is located right by the docks. There was only one spot left in the lot. Right in front of a clamming ship named the Capt. Frank, which looked nearly identical to this boat.

My brother parked the car and as we were getting out, some guy on the ship starts sceaming and swearing at us. He was livid that we parked in front of the ship. He claimed that was his designated area.

Well, in fact, it was marked. A new sign was there. It was of the hardware store variety. Very similiar to this:

Except it had 'Except Capt. Frank's' written on duct tape on the bottom. Mind you this was not a city or state sign. This must have been put up that very afternoon, as it most certainly was not there the night before. That was, after all, the employee designated parking area. And we all parked there every day. As a matter of fact, both cars on either side of us belonged to co-workers.

Now, our new friend here is still swearing like a true sailor. He let us know that he intended to vandilize and piss on all the other cars that were parked in his area. My brother and I had a quick team confrence and decided that we would try to appease this asshole and attempt to find a parking alternative.

My brother told him that we were, in fact, going to move. But if he had a problem with parking, he should address the issue with the management. That didn't work. He just fliped the **** out.

He picked up a power saw off the deck of the ship and began to come toward us. He said, "I'll find the head particular individual in charge over there and **** his **** up." That I clearly remember. Luckily, the power cord didn't reach very far. So he dropped the saw and proceeded down the gangplank.

I immediately prepared myself for battle.

He got in my face and bagan to continue to cuss me out. Without ever raising my voice or letting loose a single explitive, I assured him that any violence would be met with greater force.

Well, I guess that musta done it, because he headbutted me. I think it probably fazed him more than me and as he stumbled I took him down with a left side harai goshi.

(See this link for takedown details.)

As soon as I took him down, I was jumped upon by about three or four other fishermen from his boat.

At this point, one might ask, "Hey Cowboy, where was your little bro?" And that would be an excellent question. In the aftermath, I did query him on this subject. His response? "You more than had the situation handled. I would have just gotten in your way."

So as these other men laid upon me, I stepped back and let loose a technically brilliant One-Two Jab-Cross on the closest aggressor. He dropped...hard. (I would later find out that I did indeed, dislodge his front tooth.)

This break in the action gave my primanry opponent the opportunity to prepare for a second assault. As he rushed me I quickly tapped his foot with a deashi harai.

(See this link for takedown details.)

The differance of the technique you see in the link above and the way I executed it, was that I came crashing down upon his chest. When I did his friends rallied and jumped back into the fray to pull me off of him.

And here is where things went terribly wrong.

The primary opponent, who was at this juncture, underneath of me, bit down on my left ear. Hard.

And his friends began pulling me up. Hard.

I felt a searing pain as his teeth tore through my upper ear.

I shook his friends off and dropped back into a combative posture, ready to continue the altercation if need be.

But it was over.

Their man was down and out. I was bleeding badly and one of them was now short a tooth. Everyone decided to cut thier losses.

As I was tending to my wound, the captain of the ship came over. He was rather friendly and showed not a hint of anger towards us over the altercation. He said that he didn't really know the man who bit me as he was just hired a few days ago. He continued by saying that the man was no longer aboard his ship. A fact that I, myself confirmed, when I saw my opponent swimming away. He had jumped from the bow of the ship in an effort to escape from the soon to be arriving police.

I pre-empted the police by calling my good friend and fellow judoka who is a lieutenant of the county bureau of investigation. He instructed me to cooperate with the dispatched officers and that he would have the case transfereed to his department. (For those of you who have read my other posts: He is also the man who got my surfboards back when they were stolen.)

The police arrived and I gave my account of the incident. They advised me to report to the emergency room for blood tests and possible sutures. My boss was kind enough to give me the evening off. What a great guy!

So I went into the ER and received four stiches. I was told to schedule and examination with a plastic surgeon tomorrow as the plastic surgeon may feel the need to change the stiches. Meanwhile, I'm on antibiotics. For those of you who didn't know, the human bite transfers more germs and bacteria than the bite of any other animal on earth.

So, now I'm home. And 'Mr. Tyson' is on the loose. He's still swimming towards England for all I know.

**submessenger** · Posted On: 7/07/2010 10:53pm

Originally Posted by C0WB0Y

No pics, but I'm gonna go ahead and post the story anyway..

WTF? This story is a total failure without a pic. GIS is your friend:

**Uncle Skippy** · Posted On: 7/07/2010 11:53pm

Originally Posted by Squerlli

What do I get?

YouTube- UHF You So Stupid

**Uncle Skippy** · Posted On: 7/07/2010 11:57pm

Originally Posted by helmutlvx

I think I'm going to enter this contest. But first I have a question.

If I put anywhere from 8 to 12 safety pins in my ear and a nail through my earlobe, would that count as mangled? Or would the hardware be in the flawless category?

If your ear has no 'cauliflowers', you would be going for the 'flawless' win with each piece of hardware being a bonus.

Now, keep in mind I'm terrified of needles (yeah I know, blah blah). As such, anything resembling a needle (safety pin) will violently lose points.

VIOLENTLY.

**Uncle Skippy** · Posted On: 7/07/2010 11:58pm

Originally Posted by C0WB0Y

No pics, but I'm gonna go ahead and post the story anyway..

Post some pics and you may win a supporting membership! :-D

If teeth marks are visible, that would be a SUPER bonus. I'll add in 0.5 points for each stitch as well!

**C0WB0Y** · Posted On: 7/08/2010 1:03am

I don't have any pics of the injury, but I believe teeth mark scars are still visible.

See the bite marks in the outer left lobe area?

**lolhate** · Posted On: 7/08/2010 5:08am

It was a little bit itchy. And yes, that really is my ear.

**omoplatypus** · Posted On: 7/08/2010 4:18pm

how did you get crotch rot on your ear?

oh wait, BJJ, never mind.

**Uncle Skippy** · Posted On: 7/08/2010 5:27pm

Originally Posted by C0WB0Y

See the bite marks in the outer left lobe area?

Provisional Score: 6.0/10.0

The base score was 4.0/10.0 with +2.0 bonus points for visible scarring in the shape of someone's incisor.

I'm disappointed at the lack of stitches and gore. You can EASILY get a higher score should you decide to go out, park in an angry sailor's spot again, and declare that the sea is a 'dirty whore'. Video of you destroying a half dozen angry sea-men would guarantee a win of the supporting membership.

In the meantime, you are in the lead! :-D

**Uncle Skippy** · Posted On: 7/08/2010 5:30pm

Originally Posted by lolhate

It was a little bit itchy. And yes, that really is my ear.

That's gross.

Score: 2.0 / 10.0

Fungus actually counts against you unless you actually have mushrooms growing out of your ears. That is an 'instant win' (well, that and video of you kicking the asses of several ornery pirates).

(Yes, I make up the rules as I go ;-)