How To Get More Women Into Grappling

**Aikislacker** · Posted On: 4/28/2011 3:19pm

Chick here-
I've avoided BJJ for years because to me it was just adult wrestling and I had no interest in that.
Later, I realized that if I'm really interested in self defense, I'll need to be able to get out from under a guy at some point. Enter BJJ. Now I realize that all of the positions/moves will help my goal and I see more value in choking someone out than possibly trying to throw/tie them up.
The guys at my gym are great- no egos, very helpful, also clean : )
We don't do much no gi, which might change my opinion if we did.
One thing I cannot stand is when a guy (esp. in judo) refuses to throw me or practice a technique completely and treats me differently than the guys. I am not made of china. Just fucking practice the technique already. Also, DO NOT ask me constantly if I am ok. I've been doing martial arts for a long time and do some pretty rough sports in addition. I can handle the bumps/bruises/whatever happens in class. Don't treat me any differently than any other student, or I will not stick around.
Gearing classes a bit more towards self defense would definitely be a good idea for attracting/keeping women. Best of luck.

**Petter** · Posted On: 4/28/2011 4:30pm

Originally Posted by Aikislacker

One thing I cannot stand is when a guy (esp. in judo) refuses to throw me or practice a technique completely and treats me differently than the guys. I am not made of china. Just fucking practice the technique already. Also, DO NOT ask me constantly if I am ok. I've been doing martial arts for a long time and do some pretty rough sports in addition. I can handle the bumps/bruises/whatever happens in class. Don't treat me any differently than any other student, or I will not stick around.

I understand this perspective completely. One thing to keep in mind is that guys who ask you that may all and may not always not be doing so for sexist reasons—I sometimes worry about going too hard on people who are very new and/or very much smaller than myself; I know from experience that rolling with someone who outweighs me by 60 lbs can be painful and frustrating, and am not anxious to put someone 60 lbs lighter than me through the same; and when, e.g., landing a bit harder on someone than planned from a takedown… I occasionally stop and ask: The other person is not necessarily (in fact very rarely) a woman.

**Epeeist** · Posted On: 4/28/2011 4:42pm

Originally Posted by Aikislacker

Chick here-
I've avoided BJJ for years because to me it was just adult wrestling and I had no interest in that.
Later, I realized that if I'm really interested in self defense, I'll need to be able to get out from under a guy at some point. Enter BJJ. Now I realize that all of the positions/moves will help my goal and I see more value in choking someone out than possibly trying to throw/tie them up.
The guys at my gym are great- no egos, very helpful, also clean : )
We don't do much no gi, which might change my opinion if we did.
One thing I cannot stand is when a guy (esp. in judo) refuses to throw me or practice a technique completely and treats me differently than the guys. I am not made of china. Just fucking practice the technique already. Also, DO NOT ask me constantly if I am ok. I've been doing martial arts for a long time and do some pretty rough sports in addition. I can handle the bumps/bruises/whatever happens in class. Don't treat me any differently than any other student, or I will not stick around.
Gearing classes a bit more towards self defense would definitely be a good idea for attracting/keeping women. Best of luck.

It doesn't help some guys who get mixed signals from girls who bitch about being treated too roughly and then a real woman comes along who actually wants to train and fight and gets treated like a glass figurine. Not to mention I know some guys are afraid of getting accused of being perverts if hand accidentally meets breast.

**pittfrog** · Posted On: 5/01/2011 10:28am

I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this, but there's one thing that most grappling gyms could change to make their places more attractive to women: do something to deodorize the place. I am completely inured to the smell, but when I've brought women to my gym (and my gym is professionally run and very clean), they all comment that the place smells like sweaty guys. In contrast, the yoga studio I attend (which is hot yoga, so there are plenty of sweaty men and women) smells like the lovely essential oils they use.

You wouldn't have to burn incense, or have aromatherapy oil burners, but a few professional deodorizing stations such as can be installed in bathrooms and restaurants would work wonders. Women don't dig man stink.

**kikoolol** · Posted On: 5/07/2011 10:52pm

One thing I cannot stand is when a guy (esp. in judo) refuses to throw me or practice a technique completely and treats me differently than the guys. I am not made of china. Just fucking practice the technique already.

Guilty as charged.

Keep in mind that guys might be treating you more softly because of bad experiences in the past. I know it's my case.

**judoka_uk** · Posted On: 5/08/2011 7:47am

An alternative perspective, women involved in grappling need to work harder and commit more.

We have one girl at our Judo club who has opnely and unashamedly told me that she tries to avoid getting sweaty at Judo. And most of the girls don't try that hard and whe practicing with each other at least a third of their practice time is taken up by them giggling over the fact that one of them has made a mistake.

This attitude is not true of all women and some work very hard, harder than some of the men and really work, but I would say they are in the minority.

As for the treating women differently, its not right to not practice with a woman, that is obviously out of order. However, men do have to go lighter on women and be careful. There's no way I could do full power nagekomi on a woman, for instance.

**Ming Loyalist** · Posted On: 5/08/2011 8:03am

Originally Posted by judoka_uk

As for the treating women differently, its not right to not practice with a woman, that is obviously out of order. However, men do have to go lighter on women and be careful. There's no way I could do full power nagekomi on a woman, for instance.

as usual, the judo predator is correct,

i play lighter against anyone who is smaller and weaker than me (women, men, kids) and expect the same from guys who outweigh me (especially the ones who outweigh me by 100+lbs.) what good is it for them to use pure force to pick me up and slam me? doesn't do either of our judo any good.

that being said, you also take into account how good the other player is. a couple days ago i was at the kodokan and got thrown all over by a 5ft tall 100lb old man who holds a 7th dan. i was not holding back against him, let me tell you.

**tao.jonez** · Posted On: 5/09/2011 2:58pm

Given that one of our instructors is a female pro fighter, our school seems to attract (and retain) more women than most.

Many of the women won't roll with the guys, but fortunately they have female partners to work with most times. We have a pretty mature school; only a few hormonal young guys, which makes the environment more palatable as well.

Lastly, the instructor uses males and females as demo-dummies, and treats everyone the same regarding technique. He does make sure to show female-friendly alternatives to techniques (such as different hand positions for drilling armbars) when appropriate.

We respect the differences between men and women without being held hostage to them.

**Soldiermedic** · Posted On: 5/09/2011 3:04pm

Having one "female only" night at our place helped out a lot. I think when there are female noobs its more intimidating to be in a regular class. I think once they are integrated and feel more confident and get to know the other members its not so bad.