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  1. moli is offline

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    Posted On:
    5/22/2010 11:58am


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    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Deranged Gunman Opens Fire On Shooting Range

    This country really needs to do something about gun control, this is tragic, just tragic . . .


    SAN ANTONIO—A man described by eyewitnesses as "unsettled" and "disturbed" walked into the local Guns Galore Shooting Range early Tuesday morning, paid for a half hour's worth of time, and then calmly opened fire on dozens of unsuspecting targets.

    Sources said the man, now identified as Bryon James Woodrich, entered the establishment at approximately 8:30 a.m. armed with a pistol. After a brief exchange with the gun range manager, Woodrich purchased a box of ammunition, showed two pieces of ID, signed in, walked to stall No. 17, and at once began his crazed shooting spree.


    "He just kept firing, over and over again—bam, bam, bam, bam, bam," said manager Clyde Jenkins, recalling the chilling scene. "From the moment he stepped into Guns Galore, it was clear that this man only had one thing on his mind."

    Witnesses said Woodrich displayed no emotion whatsoever during the 29-minute barrage. Many watched in silence as the gunman unloaded 12 shots at extremely close range into the chest and head of a defenseless target, pausing only to reload. One witness said that the shooter actually exited the gun range with a "look of relief" on his face.

    "I should have seen this coming," said San Antonio resident, Carlotta Vasquez, who has known Woodrich for over 10 years. "He's been having a tough time since [ex-wife] Sheila left him, and they recently cut his hours at the plant. And he was always talking about needing to blow off some steam, but I never would have thought that this is what he meant. Had I known, I would have tried to be there for him, to say something."

    "It didn't have to come to this," Vasquez continued. "We could have gone fishing or bowling or whatnot."


    A handwritten note on the gunman's refrigerator warned the shooting spree would occur "after he picked up groceries."

    Close friends of Woodrich, who is believed to own at least two other handguns and an unknown number of rifles, said he displayed many warning signs in the months leading up to the shooting. A loner, Woodrich was known to be quiet and withdrawn, channeling all his energies into his work and violent hobbies, like hunting.

    "I once saw Bryon shoot a beautiful six-point buck like it was nothing," friend Kenneth Schlissel said. "In the end, I guess I'm not surprised he ended up at the gun range."

    According to his ex-wife Sheila Mann, Woodrich was "obsessed" with firearm and hunting magazines, which he would frequently read alone in his basement "for hours and hours on end."

    "He and his friends were always talking about guns and the shooting range and how they couldn't wait for the weekend to come," Mann said. "They'd argue about who was the best shot and what guns they were going to buy and whose gun was the biggest."

    "It scared me," she added.

    After exhausting his final two clips, Woodrich reportedly fled the premises still carrying the loaded weapon. He was then seen entering a bank, a gas station, and a fried chicken restaurant before returning home and voluntarily disarming himself.

    Thus far, no charges have been brought against the deranged shooter, nor has the gun range taken any extra precautions to prevent a similar incident in the future.

    In fact, some residents, like Guns Galore assistant manager Ken Marshall, said they only have themselves to blame.

    "Looking back, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened," Marshall said. "Bryon pretty much comes in here every Tuesday."


    http://www.theonion.com/articles/der...g-range,17468/
  2. It is Fake is offline
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    Posted On:
    5/22/2010 12:00pm

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    Quote Originally Posted by moli View Post
    This country really needs to do something about gun control, this is tragic, just tragic . . .
    Now, how about you explain exactly what you mean? Gun

    Oh and no more low content threads okay?
  3. moli is offline

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    Posted On:
    5/22/2010 12:05pm


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    Quote Originally Posted by It is Fake View Post
    Now, how about you explain exactly what you mean? Gun

    Oh and no more low content threads okay?
    I mean't it as a joke. YMAS is labelled a "General Martial Arts and Comedy Forum".
  4. devilboy7778 is offline

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    Posted On:
    5/22/2010 12:07pm


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    Quote Originally Posted by It is Fake View Post
    Now, how about you explain exactly what you mean? Gun

    Oh and no more low content threads okay?
    well obviously he doesn't know. **** like this needs time.

    I always thought that someone could just go into a gun range and do something like this. Maybe the guns should only have a fixed range of motion at the gun ranges?
  5. Cannon_6 is offline

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    Posted On:
    5/22/2010 12:07pm


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    The Onion's stories are usually funnier than this.

    Go back and find a good one.
  6. DdlR is offline
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    Posted On:
    5/22/2010 12:08pm

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    Guys, it's a satirical article from "The Onion" - it's a gag.
  7. It is Fake is offline
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    Posted On:
    5/22/2010 12:16pm

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    Quote Originally Posted by devilboy7778 View Post
    well obviously he doesn't know. **** like this needs time.
    No, over a year is long enough.
  8. devilboy7778 is offline

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    Posted On:
    5/22/2010 12:18pm


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    AHHHH FUCKA YOUUUU
    I should of clicked the article...
  9. Conde Koma is offline
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    Posted On:
    5/22/2010 1:42pm

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Definitely not as obvious or amusing as the Onion's previous work.
  10. Sisyphus is offline

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    Posted On:
    5/22/2010 4:37pm


     Style: Japanese Martial Arts

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    Perhaps someone should send this Onion link to Mayor Richard Daley of Chicago; maybe he would run with it for a week before he realizes it to be fake:

    In case you missed His Honor "Shove it up your Butt" Daley this week:

    http://newsblogs.chicagotribune.com/...yor/index.html

    For the Mayor's next news conference:

    I bet you can squeal like a pig. Weeeeeeee!
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