8th grader with a bully problem

**Matt Phillips** · Posted On: 5/19/2010 11:48am

Originally Posted by maofas

WW, I think you're the first single dad I've ever "met".

No, there are several others on this site. 1 in 6 custodial single parents is a man.

During my first teaching gig, one day I hear a huge commotion outside in the hallway (more huge than normal I mean). This huge girl (whom all the kids referred to as Big Shirley) has one of my students (who is on the basketball team and towers over me at 16 years...and I'm 6' tall) grabbed by his neck and is repeatedly slamming his head into a locker while 3 school police ineffectively try to wrestle her off. They finally wrestle her down and put her in those plastic strip handcuff things and take her away. One of them turns to me as they're leaving and is like "Next time I'm shooting her in the leg!"

Yeah, so after that the girl starts randomly showing up to my first period class every day, just to say good morning to me in this tiny little voice that doesn't seem like it should come from her.

And my kids are like "Ooooo mister....Big Shirley likes you!"

May I suggest "Broadzilla" instead of "Big Shirley"?

**Rivington** · Posted On: 5/19/2010 11:50am

Originally Posted by Gezere

This became my M.O. all through out high school too. On campus I will get you in the bathroom.

That was MY MO in high school too!

I was very popular.

**kikoolol** · Posted On: 5/19/2010 11:54am

In Quebec's school context I would never fight back a bully. Teachers can't even separate and/or restrain or control two kids that are fighting without getting sued.

I don't know anything about schools in America so I'll refrain from commenting about your particular situation. However, when I was the local punching bag I just took that bad advice moms give to their children and ignored the bullies. I got clowned a few times but eventually clowning nerds with glasses stops giving so much clique cred and they stop, but I kinda regret not having some blood on my hands, even now it feels like unfinished business.

I think the path you've been suggested is what would work best. Restraining and/or pinning looks like less of a dick move than hitting or strangling to unconsciousness. Just don't tell him to ignore the bullies.

**Matt Phillips** · Posted On: 5/19/2010 11:54am

Originally Posted by DdlR

I think that you're over-generalizing based on your own experience;

Look, at the end of the day all that matters is protecting you child's sense of safety, well-being, self-worth, and faith in the future. It is not about protecting yourself from law suits, or your kid from expulsion, or any of that. That kid is on this Earth because of YOU. He is owed Human dignity and the right to self-defense. Let them sue you; Send her to a new school; whatever. Priorities are reversed IMO.

**Matt Phillips** · Posted On: 5/19/2010 11:56am

Originally Posted by kikoolol

Just don't tell him to ignore the bullies.

^^^ THIS

**DdlR** · Posted On: 5/19/2010 12:00pm

Originally Posted by War Wheel

Look, at the end of the day all that matters is protecting you child's sense of safety, well-being, self-worth, and faith in the future. It is not about protecting yourself from law suits, or your kid from expulsion, or any of that.

I agree; the problem is that few school administrators share those priorities, though that seems to be slowly changing in some areas.

That kid is on this Earth because of YOU. He is owed Human dignity and the right to self-defense. Let them sue you; Send her to a new school; whatever. Priorities are reversed IMO.

I hear you. I'm just suggesting that there are technical and tactical defense options that work better than laying the smackdown in a zero-tolerance school environment.

**Devil** · Posted On: 5/19/2010 12:07pm

Originally Posted by DdlR

You should check whether his school has a "zero tolerance for fighting" policy; chances are that it does. At worst, that means that any effective physical action he takes in his own defense is likely to be interpreted as "fighting" by the school administration and lead to his being suspended or expelled (or, sad and ridiculous but true, even arrested).

**** their little bitchass zero tolerance policy. A few days suspension...who cares?

And even if the kid gets arrested, precisely two things will happen - jack and ****. He's in the eighth grade. They don't lock up eighth graders for getting in a fight at school. At the very worst, he'll get a few hours of community service and he'll have no record once he turns eighteen. And that's extremely unlikely, anyway.

Any potential consequences are worth the self-respect the kid will gain by refusing to be a punching bag for some little zit faced ******. Violence is the answer.

**Uglybugly** · Posted On: 5/19/2010 12:13pm

you guys don't get it. fighting technique is not the place to start if you're a kid and have bully problems.

when you guys grew up didn't you have this one guy that nobody messed with because he was.. something.. not sure how to word it.

**Devil** · Posted On: 5/19/2010 12:14pm

No, improvised weapons is the place to start.

**Gezere** · Posted On: 5/19/2010 12:16pm

You HAVE to lay the smackdown.
If your kid is being bullied its because the person bullying them thinks they are a soft target. What shows the bully that they are not is PAIN! Restraining sounds like the P.C. thing to do but the is not as effective as showing the kid he will get hurt for acting uncivilized. Kids are cruel but they're not stupid they aren't going to continually antagonize someone who is willing to cause them harm.

Everyone and their mother is worried about getting sued, but I'm with WW what is getting sued compared to your kids self worth and safety? I had to deal with the parents my kid slammed to the ground but it was a small price to pay. Hell turn it back on them threaten to sue them for endangering your child. Threaten the sue the school for not protecting your kid. Threaten to sue everyone just don't let your kid suffer because you can't handle a little blow back which wasn't your kids fault.