What would you do? Observing spouse abuse...

[Matt Phillips]

so what happens if its Tito?

It is for this exact reason that I have Chuck Liddel in my 5.

[HereBeADragon]

Sadly most people will not intervene. Its even suggested in most self defense classes to scream fire instead of help. Why? Because people are more apt to come see something burning than to help someone in trouble. There is also a theory on 3rd party response called the bystander effect. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect Not sure if I buy it 100% but it does have some merit. Also when discussing people stepping up or failing to do so Kitty Genovese is often a popular if tragic example of why people need to get involved.
I had to intervene in an ugly situation once. I got a steering wheel club across the back of my neck for the trouble. Its never a good idea to ignore someone in trouble but be prepared for the consiquences.

[Gezere]

so what happens if its Tito?

He'll get beaten to or shot or both unless he was hitting Jeanna then I would tell him the he needs to FEED her not beat her. She's taken enough beatings!


[RANT]I must say I really HATE the double standard when it comes to DV. A woman can beat on a man and most of the time get away with it and its the guy who has to leave the premises, never mind its his name of the mortgage. If its the other way around everyone wants to look at the guy like he's a peice of ****. Violence is violence the gender shouldn't matter. It kills me when women think they can do things without repercussions because your not suppose to hit a girl. I knocked a bitch on her ass because she felt she could hit me without consequence in public. I had words with this bitch and was trying to leave because she was stupid. I turned to walk away and she punched me in the back of the head! (Yeah yeah don't turn your back yadda yadda yadda) I was so mad that I picked up the first thing I saw and crowned her. I was even more pissed that she had a look on her face like I wasn't supposed to do anything about her hitting me. She fell on her ass and her boyfriend comes running over. I'm ready to whip his ass too. We stood there for a moment and then he helped her up and we went our merry ways. (I actually felt bad for him for awhile. I don't know what I would do in the situation. On one hand you want to protect your woman, on the other she brought on herself so do you really risk an ass whooping form someone who is really pissed off because she couldn't act civil?) I get in this debate all the time with women. I baffles me how some of them really think they can lay hands on a man and not suffer the consequences. I am so glad my sister has a firm understanding of this. Mind you my baby sister is my size and is probably a match for a lot of guys, she's also much meaner than I am. However as she puts it if someone hits her she will hit them back therefore she expects to get hit back if she decides to hit someone man or woman. [/rant]

[Lebell]

well its obvious most of you people come from suburbia.
in my experience most of the abuse of any sort falls mostly to the ' you do it to yourself category'.

the women who always fall for the asshole.
the drunk guy with the big mouth against the wrong kinda people.
etc.

one time i nearly got lynched in my regular bar: this chick walks in with her face cut up.
got jumped and robbed at 4 in the morning when she was walking home drunk all by herself.
i was the only one asking her:' why were you walking drunk all by yourself at 4 in the morning?'

i dont interfere with otherpeoples stupidity cos ive seen people get stabbed over that ****.

and no, it doesnt make me an asshole, im not batman and 'you' should have known better if you're an adult.

its a different thing when children are involved or when its obvious bullying.

[Rene "Zendokan" Gysenbergs]

I have that same hero complex and I will step in.
Yet over the years I've changed my modus operandi.
When I was young, rightous and stupid I just intervined. Nowadays I comfort the person first and check if they are willing to leave their abusive spouse (man or woman), because if they don't want to leave, stepping in will only backfire later to the victim or it will backfire to you if the victim sides with the abuser when he/she presses charges against you for assault and battery.
It's a sad day where you first have to cover all your tracks before you can do the right thing.

[Matt Phillips]

Sadly most people will not intervene. Its even suggested in most self defense classes to scream fire instead of help. Why? Because people are more apt to come see something burning than to help someone in trouble. There is also a theory on 3rd party response called the bystander effect. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect Not sure if I buy it 100% but it does have some merit. Also when discussing people stepping up or failing to do so Kitty Genovese is often a popular if tragic example of why people need to get involved.
I had to intervene in an ugly situation once. I got a steering wheel club across the back of my neck for the trouble. Its never a good idea to ignore someone in trouble but be prepared for the consiquences.

Dude, PUSHUPS!

[Matt Phillips]

its a different thing when children are involved or when its obvious bullying.

Absolutely. All of society has a duty to protect the young.

[Mtripp]

So much I could add here, but don't want to type that much.

I was an abused husband in my first marriage. Yep, WAY back in 1976, in top form and a Judo master, I was abused big time. She would lose it, but not show it, and then nail you with something when your back was turned. She fractured my skull and sent me to this hospital more than once; and she hurled a christmas candle at me that caused a bigger bruise than the tiger did.

Now, read that again, think about me, and see the double standard. You can't tell anyone; you're a ***** if you do. You can't hit her, same problem, and with Judo all the more so. Remember, she stuck from behind then got in your face.

The sex was crazy good though... we divorced in about a year.

I have also stepped in more than once to help out an abused person. Got nailed with New York's "Trained fighter" thingy Upstate over 20 years ago, but it was worth it.

Just rambling.

[XXIV]

well its obvious most of you people come from suburbia.
in my experience most of the abuse of any sort falls mostly to the ' you do it to yourself category'.

I guess you mean for adults?

I was sexually abused for 3 years starting at the age of 15 by this guy I thought was my friend. He started mentally breaking me down at 14, playing off my self esteem problems and obvious weight issues at the time and eventually moved to threatening physical torture if I 'betrayed him' to anyone. At first - like 4 months - there was consent and curiosity on my part but this quickly turned to disgust.. Yet this happened for three full years. Did I do it to myself? Was I made a victim? He was so wound up in my head at this point I feared to say no to even his most bizarre things, when I eventually got up the courage to say no, he'd just hold me down.

And people wonder why I spend almost every waking hour wailing on the heavy bag and training / sparring nowadays.

The brain is a fantastic and strange thing. That's all I'm sayin. When evil people know how to **** with that strange and fantastic thing while it's still developing, people get hurt.

It's kind of irrelevant to someone being able to step in.. some of my friends brought up the idea that he might be a terrible human being but I didn't see it and I was afraid. He never beat me or anything outright unless you count the fun horse play stuff that always turned into him punching me. Your comment just sort of made me wonder where the line is.

[It is Fake]

You have to ignore lebell. He lives in that perfect storm country where he has experience in all political circles, all walks of life, all social climates, all class levels and can comment on everything in every country.

That said, he did say "in my experience" so, that says more about the company he keeps than your own situation.