What would you do? Observing spouse abuse...

[Matt Phillips]

I was a victim of abuse by my ex. She would punch, kick, scratch, bite and on more than one occasion I found myself in life threatening situations. The whole time I thought I was in the wrong, that if I couldn't take the abuse I was less of a man. I would make excuses when I'd come into work with my face scratched to **** saying a crazy woman at the bus stop just attacked me. It was messed up and the intensity kept escalating. I never fought back and to this day there are things that she did to me that still mess with my mind.

One morning, early, I woke up to find her naked on top of me with a knife at my throat, telling me all this **** she was going to do me. I freaked out inside, distracted her and grabbed the knife off her, ran to the kitchen and threw it in a drawer with the other knives, then stood in front of the drawer as she punched and kicked the **** outta me. All of a sudden she ran to the apartment door and opened it.
I said, "what are you doing? The cops will think you're mad running around the city naked."
She said, in a voice that chilled me to my core and still scares the **** out of me, "not if I tell them you raped me and who are they going to believe, me, the young girl fresh out of high school, or you, a big tattooed criminal."
I was able to close the door before she got out and just sat in front of it as she punched and kicked and screamed at me. She then ran into the bedroom, I suppose I was glad she didn't go to the drawer to get the knife again, where I imagine she cooled off and went to sleep. I stayed sentry at the door that night.

The next morning I am not ashamed to say I was an emotional wreck, shaking and in shock, whimpering like a fucking dog, she came out and reckons she couldn't remember any of it. It wasn't the physical stuff that hurt me, it was the psychological. She could do more damage to me with one accusation than any weapon ever could.

A week later she had apologised and stuff and wanted to come around. I rang my best mate and told him that if I turned up dead tonight, whatever she said I did, I didn't and pretty much said nice knowing you. My mate told me you are fucking crazy for staying with her. I told him it was love. But by that time, though, I had begun realising this was the beginning of the end. The relationship lasted around a year, but even now it feels like a lifetime.

She complained of having the spirit of her childhood rapist in her, something I, as an idealistic idiot, thought I could rid her of using my idealistic spirituality, but it turned out that her inner spirits aren't real but Multiple Personality Disorder is.

Get out now, before it escalates.

The woman who started the first battered woman's shelter, Erin Pizzey, in the UK resigned from its head because she saw that there was just as much abuse towards men as there was to women and that the policy of shelter that she pioneered was allowing some abusive women a weapon that went beyond the physical.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erin_Pizzey

Yes, it is wiki, but its a starting point, there is countless articles, many on men's rights websites that could be biased. There is a stigma attached to men who report abuse, as in oh, take it like a man. **** that. Get out. She wields more weapons with the weight of the law behind her than any man could hope to defend against. Even one accusation can and will result in detention.

I disagree with unwanted violence against anyone.

edit: By no means am I entirely blameless, I have a loud voice and we would have screaming matches, but I never hit her, only restrained her when she went too far.

Peace bro, thanks for speaking out. :(

Next?

[Alucard619]

My ex girlfriend once bit my neck while we were making out. Does that count?

[Sri Hanuman]

I believe he means 1 incident, 3 swipes with the knife.

She needs to be locked up IMO

Ouch, sorry if I misunderstood. Either way, that **** should never fly.
The moment she picks up a knife, you are no longer in a safe environment (for the duration of the relationship.)

@ battlefields, dude, that's harsh. Did she ever get psych treatment? Hope you got away relatively pain-free (in as much as that is possible.)

All this stuff kinda makes me realize how lucky some of us are, where the worst we have to deal with from our significant others is being forced to go shopping for hours, and running to the drug store for midol.

Still, it's the bat-**** crazy ones who do the craziest/naughtiest/illegalest things to you while you're chained to heavy objects with a ball gag in your mouth.

[Mtripp]

Yes, this is bringing back memories of both my spouses. Not good ones either.

No way I would EVER get into a relationship again.

[Sri Hanuman]

Mr. Tripp, you need to coach the Ultimate Surrender girls in Judo. I think it will make everyone happy.

[Matt Phillips]

Yes, this is bringing back memories of both my spouses. Not good ones either.

No way I would EVER get into a relationship again.

Mark, I understand how you feel, and I have been there myself. It took me 3 years of soul searching before I was willing to toss my hat into the ring again, and a full year before I could even watch people kissing on television without feeling like someone just walked over my grave. It can get better, but only if you prove to yourself that not all women are dangerous like that. To do that you have to be willing to trust people again.

Do not forget that human beings come in many variations, and that not everyone in the world is an abuser. My advice, if you experience even the first hint of violence (slapping, pushing, etc.) make it absolutely clear that you WILL defend yourself, and that she WILL NOT like it. This is the single really useful self defense application for pressure points and wrist locks, as you CAN NOT leave any bruises on her, but you sure can show her what pain feels like. It hurts, right? Welcome to the real world Princess.

Remember, your dad told you not to STRIKE them. No one ever said you couldn't give her an anatomy lesson on the weak points of the human body.

If it happens again, do what you have to do to keep yourself safe, and LEAVE. Do not get into situations you can not easily get out of; do not leave yourself without resources to leave the home. Do not worry about your possessions. The situation is exactly like a house fire. There is nothing in the home worth risking your safety (or your sanity) over.

This is very important if you are male because there are no shelters or support infrastructure to help you, and there is not likely to ever be. And be honest, you probably couldn't bring yourself to use it if it did. You have to be prepared to take responsibility for your own well being.

I honestly am starting to believe (as I said earlier) that a woman who feels inadequate or powerless may be more llikely to abuse an accomplished martial artist than a spineless wimp. If she sees you as powerful, her ability to abuse you makes her powerful in her own mind. I suspect such a woman could become addicted to such a feeling.

One last comment on the whole cage of morality that is enabling all this tragedy: You have a moral duty not to harm people weaker than you. EXCEPT IN SELF DEFENSE. The prohibition on hitting women is part of the social contract, and anyone who abuses another person is breaking it. All bets are off. A real woman would not do this to you; you are dealing with a sociopath and a Neanderthal. "She" is not a "woman" covered by your moral code; "She" is a female of another species. Protect yourself just as you would from a mad dog. If the SPCA throws you in jail for doing so, at least you have your life, your health and your dignity.

If you want to find the diamonds mixed in with the garbage, present yourself as having a realistic attitude about your own safety, and the abusers will move on to easier prey.

@All female members of this site: You are a trained person. Protect.

[Mtripp]

Thank you... but its never going to happen.

I will die, and am willing to die, alone and empty before I would EVER open up again.

That is never going to change.

[Matt Phillips]

Thank you... but its never going to happen.

I will die, and am willing to die, alone and empty before I would EVER open up again.

That is never going to change.

Sounds like Failure To Adapt. Get back on the mat, soldier. If things go wrong, you can always bite her on the nose ;)

There is nothing wrong with taking breaks. There is nothing wrong with fucking pros to keep your head on straight if you choose/want/need to. But you can not give up on life. G-d did not give you a heart so you could waste it.

If you get in trouble, tap, but eventually you need to get back on the mat.

[Matt Phillips]

continuing from the above... for what it's worth this is how I have tried to work around these feelings: I accept that while the responsibility for being violent rests with my ex wife, the thing generating the fear was my seeming lack of ability to spot a psycho. This is what other people are for; this is what your friends are for. Your friends (hopefully) are not stuck on your new girl. Introduce her, and they'll tell you if this one pings their PsychoDar. It is very difficult to see clearly when you are stuck on someone, even if they are damaged. I am stuck on such a person right now, but I have FINALLY got my PsychoDar up and running, and I will not go there. Even I learn, if slowly.

Mark, it's none of my business, but I have been down the same road you are on right now and there is nothing to be found there except anger and self-loathing (and video games). At the end of the day I started to realize that I was just perpetuating her abuse by tormenting myself, and that violates Axiom #1: Do Not Let The Bitch Win. EVER.

Hope you have a better day, Mark.

[Lebell]

don't get me wrong but you guys are too sensitive.
emotionally i mean.
if a gf pulls that **** with me she has another thing coming, not because im a superawesome badass, but trough my childhood which was somewhat troubelng ive learned to switch off any affection of any kind instantly.
a gf can slap to vent anger, tats allright with me, but when it becomes a pattern and its not out of anger it will have to end.

i've had two ocasions of weird exes, allow me to tell two amusing stories.

no1 was a stereotypical black chick like you would see in comedy movies with martin summin summin playing that fat black chick.
she'd be superjealous, and suddenly have outbursts etc.
now i learned from that relationshp that jealous people are actually more prone to cheating themselves, thats why they have so little trust in others.

things went sauer, i broke it off, she went weird,suddenly had a bf, i phoned her to ask some of my books back which were at her place, this guy picks up the phone:'uhm, yeah she is under the shower now..'
'lolwut?'
it was ON!

so we met up, talked a little and she wasnt very clever so soon enough i found out she'd already messing with him while with me.
she'd go on a holiday with him to greece etc etc
so the week before greece she came to my place dropping off stuff or picking up, cant remember.
i planned that.
i sat her down and did the ' so this is it then' story, it was worthy of an oscar, i concluded:i just want YOU to be happy...
she said:you really love me huh?

so she went home, and she went on holiday.
i texted her something sweet on the day she'd leave.
my planworked like a charm:she called me from greece and said: look...can we work it out if i break it off with this guy?
i said yes and she dumped him in the middle of fucking greece, tooka flight to lolland and went to my place:
we had the most dirty nasty unnatural sex session you've ever seen on youporn.com, i mean semen everywhere, bedsheets soaked with all kinds of fluids and what not.

then when i had put all my clothes on i smiled and said: get the **** out of my house.
she: what..?!
i say when its over, not you, you dirty cheater, now get dressed and **** off.

i wonder if she's lesbian today.