So THIS is gendai budo...

**kikoolol** · Posted On: 4/07/2010 12:21am

I thought y'all might be interested by a satirical piece which is long known in French martial circles, but I think, also needs to be spread to the English masses.

http://gargas.biomedicale.univ-paris...l/buscoop.html

It's all in French, and I can't sleep, so I'll induce sleep by translating it for you. Hopefully this will provoke a few chuckles, I found it pretty funny.

A Scoop In The Budo World!

From our special investigator in Corrèze, Benoît DEKAJOUX, and an exclusivity for our readers. In the "Yes, Budo Still Lives!" series, something was born, not only in Europe, not only in France - Cocorico!* - but in Corrèze. B. DEKAJOUX discovered the father of this new Martial Art : O Sensei Jean-Robert TROUILLARD** is his name, creator of FOKUDO.

After having searched somewhat, I was able to find O Sensei Jean-Robert TROUILLARD's home, hidden behind the graveyard of a small parish, whose name I shall not disclose to satisfy the Master's extreme modesty. His exemplary humility even gets him to fail to answer before the 18th time I rang, and to open his door - on which no name is written*** - only after verifying my perfessional journalist's card. Probably too many admirers...frugal interior, simple and devoid of any shine. I was greeted into the doorway, where we stayed during the interview.

Benoït DEKAJOUX - Hello, erm...must I call you "Master" or "O Sensei"?

O Sensei Jean-Robert TROUILLARD - Good day to you. While I do not really enjoy it, I prefer... mandatorily O Sensei. Each one of my students, and also my disciples call me this way, so...

BD - The world of Budo has just recieved the news of your creation with astonishment. What is its name exactly?

OSJRT - I decided to name it "Fokudo"****. As everyone knows, "do" means "the way".

BD - And "foku"?

OSJRT - Well, at first, I wanted to call it "TROUILLARD-DO"...from my last name "TROUILLARD". But the final "D" clashed with the one found in "do". And then, it could look vain, which is not the case. So, I searched. You know how a child's life in a small village is, each one ends up with a handle, sometimes without any reason, or sense. Mine was always "Foku". One has to wonder where children get these words. In short, this nickname followed me from elementary school to today, to work and to the coffee shop. So it is Fokudo!

BD - But where do your roots, your origins lie?

OSJRT - Oh, I had an unremarkable upbringing. I was born in 1943 in the town of Vichy where my parents were government bureaucrats. Then, after the war, we had to move quite often since my father was looking for a peaceful environment. We've found it in this village, where I finished growing up.

BD - And your martial upbringing?

OSJRT - It is in high school/college that my passion for martial arts was born. There, I practiced Judo for long, hard weeks. In the schoolyard, I also practicied Karate...let's just say I was practicing others. I quickly became a popular partner. In fact, everyone practiced with me every recess! But deep down, I just knew I was lacking something...

An anecdote made me choose : during a friendly fight, without referees in fact, under a table in the dining hall, I sadly constated how many of my numerous adversaries used their strength on me without any reason to do so. I laughed (in my mind, to avoid upsetting someone) about how they wasted their energy : a punch more, a kick more, when I was on the ground as soon as the fight started. The worst is, even after I was put unconscious, they went on : the truth is that it was an useless waste.

BD - So this is when you had the idea that would become "Fokudo"?

OSJRT - Not yet. Let us say that it was the seed...after this happened, I decided to have a retreat. Five weeks in the hospital, then at my parents' place, here, to recover. I did some research : karate books, kung-fu flicks, boxing and judo matches rebroadcasts.

BD - Then Fokudo is a synthesis?

OSJRT - Yes. But this stayed inactive in me for around 17 years, 4 months and 9 days. Until last year, at a friend's friend wedding...that day, the bride's great-grandfather, a 93 years old "act of God", a little tipsy but much heavier than me, tried to provoke me. I locked myself up in the toilet room for 6 hours, after which that coward gave up on the fight, and barricaded the door with a chair. I decided to leave by the transom. I landed on the head, and it is there that I had my "SATORI". An immense enlightening : here is the scar.

BD - True. But factually, what is Fokudo?

OSJRT - I don't know where to start, it is so extensive!

BD - How about the basic principles? How do you teach it? To who?

OSJRT - I first wanted to create a contemporary art, adapted to the limitations, needs and ways of today's life.

Two sayings are in plain sight at the dojo. The first is over the door :

"One can only fight well when one is certain to win"

The other is a sort of martial axiom, that, I think, will live on after my death :

"In doubt...hesitate!"

The two complete each other perfectly, and contain my art's very essence. I added three basic precepts, that support my whole pedagogy :

1) Never attack someone stronger than oneself
2) Never attack a more numerous group than oneself
3) Never attack someone better armed than oneself

BD - Truly crystal-clear. How does a class in the dojo goes?

OSJRT - From these three diktats, numerous angles of study are developed :

a) fighting, that we study in the dojo
b) movement
c) weapons

d) the spiritual dimension, with a certain form of calligraphy, on diverse supports

BD - How many people practice in the dojo?

OSJRT - Today, the student corpus, in its totality, is counted globally, nonwithstanding my wife who practices as an amateur, at six. They are : my sister and my brother-in-law, Josette and René, the two roadmen, Joseph and "the Claudius" - who are under me at the town council, and two dynamic residents at the old people's home. My wife is terribly busy with the financial part of the club.

BD - How do your students progress? Are there grades, or levels?

OSJRT - Yes, with prices that go with their ability. In fact, you will see that rigorous applications of the rule is our organisation's precept : no check, no grade.

Everything is put into written form. The beginner starts with the study of the easier simulated fights. The first level is the attack kata "VEG-NA-EV". In clear : Old bedridden enemy, not armed, sleeping on the belly. With progression and the corresponding monthly payments, the situations become more complicated : VEG-NA-ED, sleeping on the back. EG-NA-ED, the enemy is not as old. E-NA-ED : not old, not bedridden...

I will absolve you from the complete list of my creations, but I will say that they are concluded with the ultimate attack kata (and I don't wish you to have to use it) : EJBS-EQPE:DF, young enemy, in good health, and what more : facing you! (this is extreme)

We also take time studying weapon work : sabotaging a future enemy's gun, dulling the tip or the blade of his knife, up until the provocation of suicide which is the highest level. Knowing that an intermediate level exists (Fokuchidoin) that teaches how to "use the weapon of others, on others" (working with gloves, mask and makeup). Lastly, as I told you, a good part of study time is concentrated on the study of movement techniques, principally "flee", or "find a hiding place" or "lose oneself in the crowd".

We also study more concrete situations : to flee with a neighbor's clothes, etc, until the Mastery level (O-Foku, that for the moment I alone possess) : "flee without looking like it".

BD - You spoke about calligraphy, what is it about?

OSJRT - Students start studying this field after reaching a decent enough level, a level where membership fees are paid with blank checks to my wife, so as to not trouble the serenity of the dojo with untimely venality.

These calligraphies are twofold :

-False news, that are more rumors than outright lies. The surface is generally a wall, outside (crowded streets, traffic lights, plazas), with sizing that is proportional to the desired results. Depending on the state of the support, we use spray paint (roughcast walls) or unwashable markers (not at first, it stains the clothes).

With this study we develop a student's creativity : on which house must we paint? Which car should we squiggle on, which bus, etc?

-True news, generally on anonymous letters. Study demands every ounce of the spirituality contained in denouncement. Here, some are more talented, but everyone end up getting it. The adept gets to the mastery level when he can cite by heart the address of every police box or precinct of his district. Essential and deep memory work.

BD - With all these teachings, do you continue your research?

OSJRT - Of course! A "Nomenclature of Children Attacks" just got printed, in three tomes : 4 to 7 years old, 8 to 10 and 11 to 14. I just started, six months ago the same thing, but about old people.

BD - When do you think it will be printed?

OSJRT - I would be hard pressed to tell you. A lot of my study partners cowardly die before the end of fights. I'll have to choose them before they reach 85 years old...which distorts the starting data. At this age, some can still run! But I'm hopeful.

BD - I thank you for your welcome, and the 30% discount on your interview fees. Do you have a last word for our readers?

OSJRT - Come see us, we're open to all. No need for any skill. No flexibility, no strength, not even courage.

----

* the sound a rooster makes when the sun goes up
** literally "easily scared"
*** which is generally the custom in France
**** a "foku" is a person that smiles in front of you then criticizes you behind your back ; a backstabber

I wanted to sleep. I am now sleepy. Hope you enjoyed that satire. I did not write it, I just translated it. I found it pretty funny so I wanted to share.

**Strifes** · Posted On: 4/07/2010 1:09am

tl;dr

**Arskanator** · Posted On: 4/07/2010 1:11am

OSJRT - Yes. But this stayed inactive in me for around 17 years, 4 months and 9 days. Until last year, at a friend's friend wedding...that day, the bride's great-grandfather, a 93 years old "act of God", a little tipsy but much heavier than me, tried to provoke me. I locked myself up in the toilet room for 6 hours, after which that coward gave up on the fight, and barricaded the door with a chair. I decided to leave by the transom. I landed on the head, and it is there that I had my "SATORI". An immense enlightening : here is the scar.

Everything is put into written form. The beginner starts with the study of the easier simulated fights. The first level is the attack kata "VEG-NA-EV". In clear : Old bedridden enemy, not armed, sleeping on the belly. With progression and the corresponding monthly payments, the situations become more complicated : VEG-NA-ED, sleeping on the back. EG-NA-ED, the enemy is not as old. E-NA-ED : not old, not bedridden...

We also take time studying weapon work : sabotaging a future enemy's gun, dulling the tip or the blade of his knife, up until the provocation of suicide which is the highest level. Knowing that an intermediate level exists (Fokuchidoin) that teaches how to "use the weapon of others, on others" (working with gloves, mask and makeup). Lastly, as I told you, a good part of study time is concentrated on the study of movement techniques, principally "flee", or "find a hiding place" or "lose oneself in the crowd".

We also study more concrete situations : to flee with a neighbor's clothes, etc, until the Mastery level (O-Foku, that for the moment I alone possess) : "flee without looking like it".

Words fail me.

**Ninnong** · Posted On: 4/07/2010 1:25am

I'm not sure what to say.

**Larus marinus** · Posted On: 4/07/2010 4:14am

OSJRT - Oh, I had an unremarkable upbringing. I was born in 1943 in the town of Vichy where my parents were government bureaucrats. Then, after the war, we had to move quite often since my father was looking for a peaceful environment. We've found it in this village, where I finished growing up.

I loled at this.

**nifoc** · Posted On: 4/07/2010 4:16am

It is clearly meant to be a humorous article, a parody of some kind. Unfortunately it takes too long to get to the (at least somewhat) funny parts, and before that it has no hooks to draw one into reading further. It is also not written in such a way that one might at first even doubt that this is meant to be a joke.

This might all be due to the translation, but it fails as humor in this version at least. Is it any funnier in french?

**kikoolol** · Posted On: 4/07/2010 9:56am

I thought it was funny, but I think it may just be due to cultural differences, like how Americans can fail to find British humor funny.

Then again, I translated that at 2AM on a weekday because I couldn't sleep, and I'm no professional translator. Perhaps I lost some of the punch with the translation. I know I lost at least two plays on words, and I wasn't feeling witty enough to replace them, so I just more or less directly translated them while trying to get them to fit.

**dizzie56** · Posted On: 4/07/2010 9:56am

parts of that were pretty funny.

**CarlosJesena** · Posted On: 4/07/2010 10:09am

Originally Posted by nifoc

It is clearly meant to be a humorous article, a parody of some kind. Unfortunately it takes too long to get to the (at least somewhat) funny parts, and before that it has no hooks to draw one into reading further. It is also not written in such a way that one might at first even doubt that this is meant to be a joke.

This might all be due to the translation, but it fails as humor in this version at least. Is it any funnier in french?

It's HILARIOUS in french! The bit about advancement and price is golden.